Welcome to THE WORLD

2009-08-10T18:19:00.000+08:00

Yesterday....
It was the day i remembered a lot.
I remember the time when i didn't earn my own money.
Before i depended on myself.
Before i had to do what i need to do.
To be able to be free of the burden i have to hold.

When you were a kid.
You were free but you wished to grow up.
As you see that staying awake is so fun.
When you grew up.
You wish to be a kid again.
You're awake but you wish to sleep.

What you once had remember to treasure that only in your memories.
Once the chance is gone, it might never return to you.

The stay in church made me feel free again.
Free from my duties.
Free from my work.
Free from camp.
Alive, living again.

I enjoyed singing like before.
Having fun.
Laughing as i sung wrongly or forgotten how to sing my part.
In turn singing the base.

We remembered many things of the past.
Things we wish to bring back.
Yet we have so little time now.
Can be bring those things we lost back ?
God you brought me hope hearing that.
Will the plan be able to pull through ?

I realised SK wasn't as perfect as i thought.
Hahahaha.
He is still human i guess.
Err... Nvm... I have my flaws i shall not speak of his.

Jo Jo got stucked.
Sawing off the gates to save a stucked dog.
Hahaha.
Hopefully heaven gates doesn't allow people to get stuck as well.

Ain't we all getting stuck in between now ?
We were suppose to pass by the gates smoothly but now we are stuck.
As Pr. Chin said.
Be wary as the devils are waiting to devour us.
I ain't holy.
And i know i've gone out from his gates.
I've wandered too far.
Hopefully God will be my watch tower again.
Shinning his light in the mist of the thick fog.

Congratz to the two lovey couples.
I'm sorry but i was too sleepy to say more.
But truely, i should think before i speak in the future.
For i don't wish to forgot what God gave me.
And my promise to him.

I shall hold my tongue.
I shall not blabber wicket things.
This two will be my goal for now.

As for love life.
Forget it.
I surrender.
Now is not the time.
Maybe in the future.

I just watched a show "10 promises to my dog"
Although the show was a little broken, in terms of links.
But more or less i get the idea being transmitted.
I shall not give away what i have now.
I shall make full use of every moment.
Please make me a new man again.
Let me stay within your grasp.

2009-07-26T15:14:00.000+08:00

Slowly dissolving.
Yet people come back to pull me up.
Though they might have threw a string.
It wasn't conviencing enough to make me go back up.

Guess i got a slap from God now.
Worldly life won't get you anyway i guess.
It's been a long time since i blogged about anything.
But the rope that impacted me has been thrown i cannot continue keeping slient.
Now it's up to me to grab it or continue sinking into the deep ocean.

When it's too late i'll be consumed by it's raging waters and sink into the darkness.
Funny to blog about death.
I advise someone about it when been asked, yet i myself am going towards the other direction.
I feel like holding on to the rope.
But it seems too comfortable in the water.
Maybe being in the warmth of the land for too long makes the ocean so attractive.
I wanna break free for awhile.
Just sink for awhile.

Just be free for awhile before i decide.
Maybe this is my last post.
Maybe not.
But God is always waiting.
Should i make him wait longer ?
What right do i have to make him wait ?
Even if a stranger were to say i'll wait for you.
You will meet the person right ?
Why make the person wait for you ?

Hopefully the person moves away and go home.
I don't want to be missed.
I just want to disappear, and carry on my journey.
A wise man told me once.
We have to carry out our own journey, good or bad will be up to our decision and the actions we make.

So long.

2009-06-20T00:01:00.002+08:00

I'm wondering why am i so angry ?
I'm wondering why humans live in this world ?
I'm wondering why f***ers live in this world riding cars.
I wondering why i did not slam my e brake when i knew he made me fail.
I'm wondering why the hell am i called a christain.

Maybe it's time....
Yet while learning to drive i meet alot of new people.
New instructors.
New friends.
People whom i can get along with and i can relate to.

You do not fail when you see the red ink.
You failed when you gave up on yourself.

I really kind of hate things associated with church.
Even on facebook.
The choir videos... Bah bah bah....
I kind of want to delete that person from facebook just for writting that.
It pisses me off to see that words.

Any way breaking up isn't such a bad thing.
Thanks to a certain someone who walked with me and talk with me.
Tell me things.... I kind of felt better.
But i made her day bad instead....
Oh well.... Guess i was a jinx on that day.
It felt good talking it out, although we kind of change the subject.
And started to talk crap.

Anyway don't want to elborate more.
Personal stuff will remain in my head.
For me to know and you to find out. Buzz off...

2009-05-24T18:37:00.002+08:00

Woman....
Oh well...
Can't leave without them,
but when you are with them you don't feel like living.

The irony of things.
Well....
I can't say much there is many things you have to consider.
It's not all the time when they have faults.

Although usually it's the girls that cause mayhem.
Funny, being kind you imagin a girl.
But being a person who causes the trouble is also a girl.

Anyway got the present and went my way.
Mixed up my gf's birthday with my niece.
Last wed was my niece's birthday and i didn't buy anything.
So i bought one yesterday.

Lucky for me i didn't buy my gf any present.
I was still wondering what should i buy.
Hmm... The flu bug has been coming to me lately.
I wonder why ?
I guess i should eat more fruits.
Asked suggestions on what girls like from some people.

I got definite answer from one. (Thank you so much.)
And an indirect answer asking me to find something that i pick for her would be good enough.
It's the thought that count.
So in simple, go find it yourself.
LOL. Let you guys do the thinking, who told me that ?
It was a mature answer but so far this kind of people i would shoot back if we were talking face to face.
And i know for certain my gf ain't mature.
So no point asking like that liao.

Anyway next week was my gf birthday.
How did i know it was not this coming week ?

Lucky she called and ask me what occassion it's gonna be next wed.
Hahaha.... Not bad, this way i don't need to remember the birthdays.
Just wait for the hint.
Muahahaha. I guess i make a bad bf.
But i treat her good though.
Just that i'm bad with numbers.
So i can't remember a single thing about birthdays.
Other than my own since it's needed for me to write my birthday on forms.

I'm still thinking what to buy for her.
Hmm... Yup just came back after shopping with her just now.
Her choice of cloths are, hmm... Getting shorter...
Maybe because i haven't been paying much attention to her.
I guess i should ask her out more, spend more time with her.
She must be feeling lonely without saying it to me.
Hahaha. Guess she is starting to get mature...
She is starting to think more for me instead of just her.
She wanted to buy some cloths for me.
But i want to shop this friday with Devil Jin.
So i guess i'm sorry babe.
I'll buy you something from tampine 1.
After i book out.

It's so stupid... I book out and later book back in to go UBI.
That's just so dumb. WTH.
Should just let me book out and go UBI from there.

Hahaha.... And the lame gay jokes.
You can't tell jokes girl.
Gotta buck up.
Even my gay jokes so lame also win you.
Muahahaha... Actually those are my buddies joke.
Recently we have been telling jokes in the bunk before lights off.
So we laugh like mad before we sleep.
Hahaha. That's why some times when you tell jokes i don't laugh.
So if i've offended you in anyway. I apologist.[Copied SK's line (^_^')]

The more i study law, the more afraid i am.
I can offend the law so easily.
Yet i do not know it, since i was ignorent from knowing such things.

Recently i keep dreaming.
Why am i killing my friends one by one ?
Or even seeing them die ?
Hmm.... It's been a long time since i enjoyed gore.
But in the future won't i get to see the real thing ?
Things not like those in video games ?

Oh well. I wonder...
Anyway i gotta go find people to bug.
I'm bored sleeping the whole day.
Byez.

2009-05-16T21:40:00.002+08:00

Wonder Girls

Recently my whole bunk has been singing this song.
I wonder why so many people are singing it after so long.
I saw this video before BMT last year.
Kinda long ago.
Kept it under my book mark.

Nobody

A little info on the wonder girls.
There are from JYP entertainment.
Total of 5 member in the team.
Started their debute in 2007.
Won a few awards for this 3 songs i posted.
Found some info online but i'll reserve it later.
For now enjoy another rather catchy song.

So Hot

The members of the team:
1.Kim Yubin [October 4, 1988]
The sexy looking one. Cute and fairy like.

2.Park Ye Eun [May 26, 1989]
The one that looks like Selina from S.H.E.
Man, too bad i gotta over those kind of faces.
She rock man, with that face of hers.

3.Min Sunye [August 12, 1989](Leader)
No impression must be the one i never laid eyes at all.

4.Sun Mi [May 2, 1992]
The dark hair wild girl.

5.Ahn Sohee [June 27, 1992]
The small little girl that wants to be sexy.

There used to be another member by the name of Kim Hyeon Ah.
But i guess because of some things she left the group.
If i'm not wrong it was because of a bike accident.

Okay i think that's all for now.
Gotta game. Byez.

2009-05-03T03:51:00.002+08:00

I've been feeling strange.
Feeling depress all of a sudden.
Maybe it's not the lack of sleep anymore.
Maybe i'm in cold slumber....

I feel a void already.
It's getting very bad.
So bad that it's sucking me in.
I couldn't take it anymore...
I wanted to talk to somebody privately.
But.... Guess i didn't do it.
The chance was there but it was taken away the moment i was ready to ask the person.

I just made the most stupid mistake by saying.
Goodbye Lord, i'm never coming back again.
I just feel like i want to leave and never come back.
Sermons are getting so uninteresting.
I feel that it more worth it to stay at home and sleep.

I don't learn a thing.
I don't feel a thing.
And i don't even feel that it's HC cos the air is no longer there.
I don't even think i want to stay on...
It's getting so dumb....
When your spiritual level is low go to church to recharge.
But if the electricity supply is being cut due to the faulty wires.
How to charge the energy lvl ?

Prayers alone is not enough huh ?
I guess staying with the guys...
Haiz... Made me into a normal mortal....
I have fallen from the sky...
Guess slient prayers don't work.
When the heart has gone cold.
All hope is lost...
Or is it ?
I think sooner or later i'm gonna disappear.
My childhood friends would be gone.

I have the feeling of leaving already.
To throw away all my duties and walk away.
Far far away.
I just want to sleep and forget everything.
To float towards the horizon beyond the ocean and disappear.
Forget it, i'll just sleep.

2009-05-01T10:41:00.003+08:00

Sometimes i wonder....
What the hell am i doing ???
Is my friends i know really my friends ???
I wonder....

What the hell does look at the activity on thursday have to do with army friends pang sei you ?
WTF ???
It isn't funny !!!
It's not a matter of insulting me for the fun of it already.
It's insulting saying my friends are not friends ain't it ?
Maybe you are one of them....
Secondly get the facts right before shooting your mouth like that.

Army and police are 2 different things.
I wonder what the hell am i doing knowing such people.
Maybe your intentions are not there but please.
It's time to grow up.
Childish in your jokes i don't give a damn.
Thinkings must mature no matter what.
Don't acquire a body of an adult and a brain of a kid.

Anyway i don't give a damn.
Very close to you is it ?
I wonder if the effort to keep us together is even worth it.
I know i don't have the ability to keep people together.
I don't have the talent to keep people together.
But i tried my best to hold on to it dispite my situation i'm facing.
I'm getting screwed with problems which i don't want to give a damn.
But yet i have to give a damn.

I'm stressed with problems and yet i get shit.
One layer after another.
I try to be childish and happy so as to avoid showing those shit i have on me.
I hate my life...
Why can't God just wipe all of us from this world and just say Amen ?
I hate this life.
I hate this world.

Love men, love God.
Funny law that is hard to achieve.
God can be love if you get the HS.
Because you love him and believe he is true.
And he can never betray you.
Love men....
THat's a joke...
One moment you love them and the next you hate them.
I'm not attacking the person.
So the person who wrote that to me.
Go reflect on your words.

Another thing that crosses me.
Why are girls always comparing ?
Like that i would ask.
Why should i go out with you in the first place when you are not lady like ?
Or why should i go out with you ?
The girl beside you is more pretty isn't that right ?
Comparing is the worst mistake a person can ever do....
I don't give a damn about food.
Cos no matter how delicious they are, during war.
All this is nothing....

People will not care about looks.
Guys will fight for their land.

You know don't think that the police, army, navy, airforces and other forces...
Are brave people or superman, fearless, people who will give their lives.
You forgot one thing.
Even if it's tax that is paying the govt.
And the money we get is from the govt.
Isn't it the same for teachers from the govt. sector ?
Do you think for that amount of money, we will give our lives for the sake of 2k per month ?

People in uniform are humans too.
They have families too.
Because of the stupid uniform we have to control our emotions.
We cannot cry for the sake of the victims.
We cannot make ourselves look weak in public.
You see a child being tortured by the father.
Bleeding and on the floor.
You can't cry in front of the people.
You can't do anything because the law is upon us.

People expect great things from us.
But they don't see the failures themselves.
If we do not commit crime.
Will there be a need for people in uniforms ???
Will there be a need for wars ?
Due to what ?
Greed ? Anger ? Wealth ? Land ?

I wonder what this world is coming to....
Can't people just live in peace ?
Can't people just be friends.
Joke is one thing, think before you joke.
It may cost you....

Joke about the person only.
Not about his family, his friends, or anyone he deems close to...
Anyway i think it's time for me to rush off.
Byez.

2009-04-26T14:39:00.002+08:00

Hahaha.
Sorry guys.
If you were waiting for a post.
Unfortunately i'm unable to post anything.

I can only say my life has changed.
It's getting exciting.
I enjoy going back to camp.
I love my new friends.

Found a new life.
Yet... It's so hard to attain.
Like my new figure.
Want to make something out of it.
It's growing.
It's getting a strong shape.
I feel good.
I feel hot.
LOL.

Can't wait to go back to camp.
Can't wait to see my buddy.
Can't wait to see what we can cme out with to entertain each other.
LOL. Byez.

2009-04-11T00:05:00.002+08:00

Maybe i'm changing.
Maybe i'm not...
Nah seriously i've changed...
Life seems... Stupid.
What do you think you can do ?
The impossible ?
Sometimes... You feel down.
The person you want to beat....
Just won't let you beat him.
The person you want to be on top of...
Doesn't give you the chance to step on him.

I'm sorry....
For myself...
I hate being a loser...
2nd will never work for me...
I want to be better...

Thanks for being there for me bros...
Always making me smile when i'm down...
Telling me jokes to keep my spirits up.
Thanks girls for playing with me the girl/boy friend thingy.
But that's just childish.
Anyway it's boring staying in there...
Playing such a game may not seem so bad after all.

Celebrating my dad's birthday...
Wooo... Cool...
Yeah... Need to do crappy police work as well.
Some times it just sucks....
But i'm working now, that's gonna be my life.
So suck it up. Get on with life.

Feel bad leaving the guys alone in church.
But i feel bad for leaving the squad to sleep yesterday as well.
Anyway suck thumb....
I'm busy...
Don't be childish and expect things to turn out like what you want.
I've been disappointed time and time again.
I will not expect any much from you, so dun expect much from me.

2009-04-04T11:23:00.003+08:00

Have a look at this before thinking.
Do you think we rely too much on our cell phones?
Don't you think we can't survive without one of this creation?

Sometimes on the bus, don't you find the ringing irritating?
Yet some of us enjoy doing it, when we find it disruptive to the serene environment we had awhile ago.

The power of media, snapping photos and sending them around.
Things might not be so peaceful at all.
Your even move may have been recorded.

Working together is important.
Wanna know what will happen if you don't work together?

Ever felt like this before ?

2009-04-03T23:36:00.001+08:00

Are people that childish ?
I wonder....
Anyhow...
My life seems great.
Being sticky like glue within 1 week.
Isn't it kind of an accomplishment ?
Oh wait...
There is something more impressive.
Being able to execute our drill at the same time i just 3 days of meeting each other.
Perfectly complete strangers.
Without knowing each other's names.
Helping each other out to understand things which we do not know.

Telling our deepest secrets...
Talking cock....
Waking each other up...
Joking all the time..
Ahh... My new life and my first full time job.

I love my new buddy.
You're the best....
Can't say what we did but hahaha...
You crack me up.
Just tone down man... Your jokes abit extreme.
Oh yeah sorry bud about the joke last night.
Hahaha... But it made all of us in the bunk laugh though.
Got a nip squeeze by our "SIR".

I know i'm popular with the girls...
But please... Ladies...
One by one... There is always room for more.
Hahaha... Joking.
N, you better run faster if you want to be my girlfriend.
I'm afraid you can't catch up with me. Hahaha.
L, err... I think i rather have your heart than your body.
Can i exchange with JH ?
He prefers the body. Joking.

One day all of us go out to play dota bah.
I kind of tire to play at home.
So many things to do, so little time.
Fun times always go by so quickly.

Shopping for goods and buying more snack to eat.
L, I'm gonna get more chocolates so if you see this.
Give me an sms.
If you catch me in time, you might get to take your pick.
I'll pay for it, no worries.

Oh yeah J is also another joker.
Together we are the 3 musketeers.

LOL. Man...
My muscle hurts for all that private training.
Guess you guys will feel the same as well.
Oh well. Time to feed the muscles and let them rest.
I feel so sleepy i'm gonna drop.
Nitez.

2009-03-17T01:04:00.002+08:00

Are humans weak ?
Yes you can say that.
We are frail and weak creature.
If we say that cockroaches are difficult to kill.
Aren't we the same ?

Yes, bug spray can kill them.
We can smack them with our slippers.
Crush them with our shoes.
Hit them with rolled up newspapers.
Even though you try as much to kill them.
They still survive and multiply.
Just as the stars above.
Maybe they did well and God bless them just like Abrahem.

We go through many things in life.
Still we survive.
Many of us feel hell itself.
Tortured both physically and mentally.
I feel hell....
But i choose to ignore it.
The devils clutches are always near.
Seeking to swipe us at any moment.

I knew i had to grow up the moment i entered army.
I knew such childishness had to end.
I knew i had to be strong, not the weak old me.
It's time to grow up.

Yes... People may double-cross us.
But have we ever double cross others ?
People may not care about you.
But have we cared for others ?
Ask ourselves this question.
Maybe someone has said this before...
Do to other's what other's will do to you.
Spiritually think that way.
Another point to note.
Do not ask what other's can give to you, but what you can give to other's.

If you require trust.
Won't you trust other's before you attain that ?
Maybe the people who cares for you still does care.
But maybe he or she may be tired ?
Physically ? Spiritually ?
On the verge of falling ?
Instead of helping, you mock the person ?
To place yourselve in the shoes of other's.

It's a hard thing to do.
You have not been there and done that.
Some ate more salt than you have eaten rice.
Sometimes we have judged before we even asked.
Sometimes we feel empty inside...
We want help... But others might be empty as well.
We have to give and take....
Not take all the time.

To grow up and rely on ourselves.
On God.
Friends can help if they are free.
That is if they are willing.
Won't you try to understand ?

Giving up is always easy.
Taking the easy way out.
Escaping from reality.
But does that solve your problems ?
I wonder.....
You still feel the scar inside you.
You feel the pain.
Does that help in any way ?
Been there.... Took me a hard time to recover.

Army does help.... In a way.
When you take the shit.
It's true friends that helps you.
Guides you along the way.
We help each other.
And we get wacked together.
That is where trust comes from.

That is when you realise.
What the hell are you doing with your life ?
Why are you so bloody selfish ?
Why do you only think of your bloody self ?
Care for soliders, do you really know what that means ?

I think TJC should have the 7 core values as well.
1)Loyalty to Country(Change country to God)
2)Leadership(Haiz...Sad to see the management, maybe the new blood might work something out)
3)Discipline(I think all of us needs that)
4)Professionalism (Haizz.... Just look at the state we are in, lot of work to be done)
5)Fighting Spirit(We lack that, alot.)
6)Ethic(Talking behide other's back, Hiaz... Wanna say also say in front of the person mah)
7)Care for soldiers(This is the most important part i feel we should have.)

Maybe when i see other's...
I always get the feeling...
A leopard doesn't change it spots....
I wonder... Why do i change so much that it scares me ?
But when i see other's... They don't change at all.
Still the same, even after they said they will change.
And i feel so disappointed that i erase them off my contact list.
I never want to know a weakling like you.
A person who has given up.
Does not require me as a friend for the standard shown is pathetic.

Maybe God won't give up on you, he is the best.
I can't say anything. But as for me.
I'm not the best.
I have given up on you.
You do not meet my requirements, and you failed to meet my standards.
So long, may we never meet again.
I have given you plenty of chances.
You used up all of it.
Thus i must bid you farewell.

2009-03-08T18:06:00.002+08:00

Hmm...
Haven't had time to go out and have fun.
Guess i'll start going out during my block leave.
There are some places need to go.
Does anyone have time to go out with me ?
It requires alot of walking though.
Cos i have no idea where it is....

Places/things i want to go/do:
-------------------------------------
1) Lim Bo Seng's tomb.
2) Art museum
3) Sentosa
4) Visit some friends that i have not seen in years.
5) Go out with friends to Escape to have Funnnn....
6) Make more friends.
7) Staying over at a friend's house.
8) Playing with my niece.

Anyway other things i have done during this short day.
I've upload the site of my photo album.
Go find..
Cannot download yet.
So POP that time than i send whatever you guys want.
Just give me a beep on msn when you see me.
Sad thing about life...
Nothing goes as well as you want.

I need to lessen the burdens of others.
And not only have fun for myself.
I need to help out and allow others to have a life as well.
Anyway i need to go out for dinner and go out with friends later.
And book in directly after that.

Before i go i just want to say POP lo !!!!!
Muahahahahaha.....

2009-03-08T02:17:00.002+08:00

Haven't got enough sleep.
Worried each day that i get camo on me.
POP is coming and people are already going nuts.
My helmet and LPV is missing...
Some bugger just took it by mistake.

I feel pissed losing it due to my interview.
Damn....
What will i do on Monday's rehersal ?
Gonna have to work something out when i book in.
No point worrying about it now.

Keep getting nightmares that i get pump.
Or punished, tortured by sergent.
I think i saw the ghost in my bunk.
Mistook it for a sergent and ignore it to prevent getting punished.
Indeed sergents are more terrifying than ghost in camp.
Ghost cannot pump you or make you do stupid things.

Anyway enough of that.
I feel that though i have grown by entering the army.
I have not grown enough.
I still suck...
There is many things i cannot do.
Many things i want to help.
But i just couldn't do anything but remain quiet.
Just sitting down there and telling people.
"It's okay, don't worry. Anyway worrying won't solve anything."
Indeed this is true.
But how can one stop fredding over such a line ?

I want to help them but i just sit there....
Doing nothing....
Being helpless...
What's the diff with the life i had before ?
Still useless...
Cougar warrior ?
Do i even fit the name ?
I promised my PC i will quit being a Cougar Warrior if i failed once again.
Is this the day ?
When i'm put to the test and i fail dreadfully ?

I feel that though i'm a friend...
I couldn't do anything...
I couldn't do anything to help my friend.
I'm thankful i have friends in camp. That helps me.
Make my bed sheets when i was having guard duty.
So i can sleep the moment i reach the bunk.
Thanks Buds.

Thanks Miss Cougar for letting me sleep on your bed.
Taking cock with you till 2 am and dying the next day was fun.
But what kind of friend am i ?
How can i improve myself to do more ?
To be a better man ?

Being IC i was screwed...
I did the wrong commands...
I couldn't shout... Instead i was forced to shout...
Damn...
It felt bad....
But hell i'm in cougar...
Nothing is good...
So suck thumb and get on with your duties.

I'm going to POP....
Life isn't the same as before....
We will have to take different sets of paths to reach different goals.
Let's not part, shall we ?
But i know the answers will not be what i want.
Life mostly doesn't turn out the way you want it to be.
I guess...

Spiritual life...
It seems down...
I find people talking about God seems so....
Stupid... Like they are fakes....
Christian girls are more attractive as they have that aura...
My ass... Don't give me that crap...
What part of them do they have an aura ?
Some christains are SINNING....
They don't give a shit...
But i respect your comment so i dun give a damn about it...

Enough of the unhappy stuff...
I bought a new Camera...
Wooo... Although i get comments like...
Eeeee should be this and buy that...
But what the heck.... I'm the one paying the money.
I buy what i like. I take nice photos and decorate them.
Have fun with the pics.
For my POP.... Woo...

The camera is for fashion...
Which i like....
For designing the backgrounds.
Which i can take with .... Hmm...
LOL... Err Hem...
Moving on...

Yeah took lots of pics which i will upload tomorrow.
Or maybe on thursday when i POP.
Fresa spammed the photos.
So it's gonna be alot of them..
I have a feeling....
I'm going to upload them to my photo album instead.
It'll be faster.

Had some food with Nah...
No correction...
Nah had his meal before he left...
But at least he paid for the drinks.
Vic and Sa just sat there and watch me eat.
While i happily ate and filled my stomach after waiting for a stupid reply that did not come.
If i'm not wrong 20 to 30 mins....
I finished my food within 4 mins ?
Around there.
Talked about Army life...
All the jokes...
What we did in camp.

Anyway walking with Fresa and Vicky back to the bus stop.
Freaking bored...
But tired and wanting to sleep.
Told them what i found out when i came back.

My sis found out of my secret....
She ran through my stuff without asking...
Messed up my room when i packed it clean...
Drank my carrot juice no matter where i hide it.
And it's 5/6 of the bottle mind you...
1.5 litres some more...
WTH... 2 bottles.... I can't believe it...
Take whatever thing like it's her own room like that...

I won't give in to threats...
Telling the world...
I don't care...
I rather let the truth be exposed than fall helpless in your hands.
You can torture me and kill me for all i care but i'm not going to be your prey.

Did duty in church...
Man it was busy doing it alone.
Must pray according to the hymn timing....
Haiz...
But it's worth it...
The sermon was enriching.
Wisdom to serve God.
Faithful and abiding to His words.
Doing what is right in His sight and seeking things that He favours.
Isn't that what i use to pray for...
Until things gone wrong and i gone astray...
Pulling people back may cause myself to go with them instead...
I want to save what i left of me...

If ever there is anything good left is me...
Now is the time to come out...
Army has corrupted my soul...
Lord Save Me....
I feel so useless...
I'm not like you...
The comforter...
I cannot do the things you do...
But i want to be able to do the things you do...
Not for myself...
But for others....
Why can't be do things right ?
Why must i always stay a loser ?

I realised i have no confidence in myself...
I have the feel...
But i don't have the confident to make things happen...
To make things right.
I want to be better...
I have no regrates of the choices i have made...
It made me who i am now...
Wiser...Stronger... Better....
I just need to be more...
I need you Lord...
I need your help...
I want to help people lose their pain...

Men like to do stupid things when they have too much time...
They are like women...
When you have a more serious thing at hand...
You ignore it... Instead you pick on the less important and minor things.
Why ? Do you feel happy to kick someone out of the house ?
Do you like kicking your brother or sister out of the house ?
When the parents keep silent, who are you to judge ?
Are you here to pass judgement on others ? Or to help spread the word ?
To save or to kill ?

When you should be out doing preaching...
You sit in your houses and plot such plans.
Due to your hate for a comment...
Correct and try to understand.
If you were ganged up against and sent to places...
Only God knows where...
What the hell would you be feeling ?
If you were the one who is being kicked out.
Because you want to prove your parents is innocent and not a creator of evil..
Would you be happy with your sliblings doing that ?

I wonder if power have gotten too much in your brains.
That you let the devils corrupt your very soul...
Where is the love ?
True... I'm wondering the very same thing now...
What is going on in your bloody heads...
Wake up la...
Go read more bible and pray really hard la...
Don't later you yourself go to hell...
Everybody will get to heaven...
I don't think that way...
I think if you give up on God...
You know you are falling nearer to hell...
If you don't realise that and repent...
You will keep falling and never see the light again...

Maybe that is where my soul has fallen...
Far into the darkness...
Away from God...
Far far away...
Anyway gotta sleep.
Nitez.

2009-03-01T00:28:00.002+08:00

Hmm....
Our last day together.
As soliders....
As buddies...
As friends...
We had fun playing.
SIT test was shag.
But to be able to see you in the evening and talk cock with you.
I feel happy.
I feel contented that i am able to see with the light snoring.
I wonder why everyone i sleep with snores.
LOL.
Bad luck i guess.

I'll always remember my PC.
It's so cool to be with you.
It's always inspiring and i aspire to be better when you train me.
I look up to you alot.
My idol... Someone who i really respect.
It isn't like some S.H.E or whatever....
He did something that cause me to really respect him.
I may not like him at first.
But listening to what he said over and over again.
It makes sense... I had to change...
To be a better man...

Take guy for the times we bonded together.
Having fun eating and sharing snacks....
Having fun being tortured together....
Playing arm wrestling...
Tug of war...
Fliping people's bed upside down...
Messing up people's lockers...
Talking cock till 12 am...
This week we learn to be smarter....
We kiwi the boots before we throw the whole brush into my buddy's mouth.
LOL. Super funny.
Stealing ZH's watch and putting it into his mouth....
Letting it ring in his mouth in the morning and waking him up....
Hahahaha... Super funny....
Sorry bro... But i couldn't sleep....
Hahaha... Just had to do it since i saw you in that position...
Wahahahha....

Hey guys...
Remember to bring the 20 bucks for our last memory together.
Let's rock and roll.... For the last time...
The last dance together...
COUGAR WARRIORS !!!!

I have decided to not give others a chance anymore.
When i have given you an invitation.
That's the end.
If you gave up this chance, it's the end.
I'll no longer be persistant and a pest.
I was thinking not to let go.
But i guess i was wrong.
Some times you should give up on people.
They may not change their skin after all.

I want to change but i think i change too much.
Too fast...
It scares me sometimes...
But WTH, i feel good....
But i know somewhere within me is dying.
I should have listened to a certain someone's advise.
I'm turning into someone i do not want to be.

Life is going boring...
I feel like being by myself...
Maybe i'm losing myself... Slowly...
But surely...
We work and train hard but we play hard....
Wooo... I understand... and i'm loving it...

Today did some church work with the AVA...
But because of yesterday's rubbish....
I was nodding my head away...
But in the end i wrote down my thoughts....
In order to keep myself awake...
I guess it might have made some people irritated...
But i don't care... I want to stay awake....
I dun want to sleep....
I keep doing that every week...
Not this week...

The message i got when i book out was scarry....
Vic gave me a message saying...
You'll be a victim as well...
In the end she was meaning her cheeze cake.
YES... Cheeze cake not cheese...
Cos i didn't feel any cheese at all...
It was more like chocolate pie or tart...
I was rather worried about her suddenly feeling so moody...
But girls will be girls...
She isn't mature enough...
But oh well... Different people need different situation to grow...
Mine turned out to be army...
To teach me to be a men...
To be childish as well...
But to know when to be a man....
How to care for others...

But don't look at other's weakness...
I have my weakness as well...
I can't get my sword anymore...
I didn't get my bloody marksman...
I still failed and didn't do well in terms of situation with stress..
In other words i'm a failure....
So i have not learn my lesson...
I have not had success for a long time...
The question i should ask myself...
WHY ??? Hmm... Maybe it's time to keep quiet and ponder again...
I need answers again...

We are all going to walk different walks of life....
But... Remember the times we suffered together...
Remember the times we stayed back together....
The times we clean our bunks...
The times we got screwed together...
The dirt we got during outfield...
The shit we had to do when we were sick...
How we share each other's burden...
How we help and encourage each other...
How we trained together...
How we try hard and push each other to the limit....
How we talk cock into the late night....
When we brush our teeth together...
Slept in the same section...
Share each other's bed to talk cock...
Shared food when we are hungry...
Help each other to cut down weight and grow muscles...
The time we wanted to fall out....
The time we tell each other to keep moving...
To not fall out... To keep pushing ourself onwards...
When you slowed down i kept pushing you.... I keep pulling you with me...
When i walked.. You pushed me... Or walked with me...
Thank you for being my war buddy.

We will always be together.
I'll always remember those days we had together.
Although it's a short 3 months...
I made us each our attitudes and how we have changed over this freaking 3 months.
Zhi Hao... It's still my goal to get you a GF before i POP...
Don't give up.... Uthaya will train with you while i'm gone...
But i'll be back to train with you guys again after i POP...
Not bad i POP twice...
Uthaya... You'll make a good Sir.... Don't disappoint me...
Since i cannot go there with you anymore... Don't fall out...
You can do it.. Miss Cougar you are the best and the most sexy...
LOL... Woooooo.....
Zhou Wei... Err... Don't be so lazy la...
And try to work hard la...
Don't so worm can ?
You can do it as well...
Just don't give up and have the hack care attitude...
We buds will rule...
We are well known among the commanders of platoon 2...
We will be champions in our own way...

2009-02-22T13:06:00.002+08:00

Basket....
I don't want to leave the army.
I don't want to lose my buds.
I want to POP with everyone else.
Is that even fair for me?
To lose them so soon?

We had fun being confined yesterday.
Sir gave us some time off, since we had our IPPT.
Most of those who stayed back failed their IPPT.
But as you know, I kanna marked already and last week fail my station.
So I stayed back even though I passed.

We had fun playing a fool.
Singing songs, dancing in the bunk, err…. Many censored things.
I won’t talk about. Stupid guys.
You never know who is going to rape you so don’t go dancing naked.
We got one rapist face in our bunk already.
LOL.

Smuggle Maggi Mee…. Ohhh…. The smell was heavenly.
Have not consumed such unhealthy food for 3 months.
Ohhh… Best.
Played Pool… Wooo… beat you guys without even blinking…
Hahahaha….
Plus a lot of crappy stuff.
Hmm…. Things we don’t get to do on a normal basis.
We steal people’s clothings while they are bathing and lock all the bunks.
Throw their cloths at the parade square and let them run down to take them.

Talk cock and watch tv at the NX room. Bloody hell.
No show to watch…. Only the News.
Played my MP3 and jump around the place like I own it.
Cool shit.

Run around disturbing others.
Talking cock until 11 pm, when light out was suppose to be at 10.30.
Abandon my buddy at the bunk to sleep somewhere else since he snores too loud.
Power he still so thick face come over to sleep with us.
Dun get the message….
We want to sleep…. Go away…..
One day must go Kiwii his face black.
Make sure he POP totally black.

So since he snore so loud we woke each other up at 2 am went back to our section to sleep.
Lock the bunk he is sleeping in and played a fool at our bunk.
Got bored and decided to play a prank.
Pretend to be ghost enter my buddy’s bed area and scare him.
Since our bunk is haunted.
But…. Kanna caught la… Cos he screamed like a girl. Hahaha.

Punished to do 50 push ups, 100 sit ups, 50 chicken backside.
Super shagged than go back and sleep.
Haiz. But we suffer together and had fun.
Wooo…. Hahahaha…..
I wanna do that again.
But without the training.

Yup life with my army buds is getting so close.
The whole platoon is so fun to be with.
Haiz... Well time to move on.
Maybe the police might be a good place as well ?
A new beginning maybe ?
Maybe i'll get good friends as well...
Friends that go through shit together.
To trust each other fully.
Haiz... My buds.
I'm sorry i can't POP with you guys.
I really want to go.... But....
Sorry.

2009-02-18T21:12:00.002+08:00

Have you been feeling happy all your life ?
Have you notice if the people around you are happy as well ?
I wonder....
Sorry for not paying too much attention to details.
But i feel down as well.
Army is sick... I hate it to the core.
But somehow i love going back to see my buds.
My personality sucks as well.
Maybe i'm not the sensitive type.
I hack care, and i shrug it off.
That makes me happy, just to live each moment.
Anything bad, don't care.
People make fun of me.
Be happy cause you are making others happy.

Share the happy times together.
Being good friends.
Strangers can become close friends.
To die for in the course of battle.
I'm willing to die for someone else.
Are you ?
Jesus died for all of us didn't he ?
As a mortal does he know all of us ?
He told God to take the bittle cup away from him.
If it is possible did he not ?
And yet he went ahead with God's plans.
To rise up and clean us all.
He died for strangers and called us strangers his child.
Will you die for him because he died for you ?
Will you not die for a stranger too ?
Just like Him ?

Are the friends you know really your friends ?
Have you made an effort to be their friends.
Even if they betray you in the end ?
Even if they are unable to keep up to your level.
Do you help them ?
To be as good as you ?
Or make them trash and remain like that ?
Friends ?
What is it's meaning ?
Denote co-operative and supportive behavior between two or more people.
A relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, and affection and respect along with a degree of rendering service to friends in times of need or crisis.
Friends will welcome each other's company and exhibit loyalty towards each other.

Maybe we treat the word friend too lightly.
The the past, friends are close as love ones.
They are people you can kiss and hug.
They stand by you no matter what.
I will give my loyalty if you give me yours.
Prove to me your friendship and i will not doubt you.
That's bad right ?
I need your prove first...
But i try my best to give you my loyalty first.
If it's not returned...
So sad too bad....
Isn't christainly but i hope i won't get angry because of you.
For i will sin even more, plotting ways to kill you everyday.
Joking. But at least get angry for some crap you do.
If i do not enjoy your presence, i try to accept.
Until my limit.
Which is rather unlimited since army is so Shitty.

Being Happy ?
What's the meaning of happiness then ?
Happiness is a state of mind or feeling such as contentment, satisfaction, pleasure, or joy.
Yes !!! pleasure, contentment and all that crap.
But where do we find those things ? We are city people.
We have alot, yet we do not know of these small things.
That can become very big, if the situation arises.
If you are required to eat buns for your 3 meals.
Will you be happy ?
If you were to run for your life every single day.
Will you be happy ?
If you were out in the wild.
Hot in the morning, scortching in the afternoon.
Cooler in the evening.
Humid in the night.
Freezing in the later hours of the night.
Will you be happy ?

Are you happy to have a roof over your head ?
Are you happy to know that your friend is beside you but you can't talk to him ?
To prevent enemies from noticing our movement and sound.
It feels like you want to rip yourself apart.
So what is happiness ?

To know that your buddy is watching your back.
To know that you can support your buddy and he to you.
To know that even if we keep slient, we can get through the day safely.
To know that even if it's hot at least it will be freezing at night.
So it balance out in the end.
To know that you can eat your next meal.
While others get punished for breaking the rules.
To see the beautiful stars at night, the love shaped leaf.
The fire flies.... Such a romentic place, without the training.
Oh yeah if you want to enjoy them....
It's at the expense of your own sleeping time.
But what the hack, we don't get enough sleep everyday anyway.
So who cares.
Just watch the fireflies as they sleep and give a dimmer glow.
How beautiful to view them from such a close range.
I could almost touch them.
But i remember touching them will kill them.
So i didn't do that.
That was my happiness.
Thank God for the beautiful location to keep me happy.
Through such small things.

If you paid a trip to see the fire flies would you feel the same ?
Because you expect to see it.
If you didn't see it, would you feel angry ?
I was happy because i saw it and was surprised.
I was happy because i had something to look forward to each night.
I was happy and ready to run up the hill to see them ASAP.

Every little thing counts.
Even though you are shag.
You are suffering.
Somebody is more shag.
He is suffering even more.
Yet he is going on.
Will you not do the same ?
Will you give up ?
And leave your men behide ?

Even if you are unable to do anything.
Will you risk you life and stay with you buddy ?
Even if you can't help him.
Will you stay to at least lend him a hand or give moral support.
By being there with him ?

Before you judge others...
Judge yourself.
Have you been doing the right thing ?
Is others complain about the same thing about you ?
Would you change your life instead to suit others ?
Or would you want to be selfish and want the other party to change instead ?
It's hard....
But we are on earth, not heaven...

We are meant to be punished here in this forsaken world.
We are meant to suffer.
It's only when we do not suffer.
Sin will spawn...
People will act like brothers.
In times of peace.
But when trouble starts...
Will we still be together ?
Will you stay loyal ?
If your family is held hostage.
Will you say the same ?

Nothing is easy.
Even getting to heaven.
We need to put in hardwork in order to get there.
Be happy. Sin lesser, if possible don't sin at all.
Think of God, he need to clean you everyday.
Give Him some time to rest can ?
Although God doesn't need a holiday.
Giving him a holiday might make him happy.
So we all are happy.

When you suffer, share it.
We suffer together.
When we are happy.
We stay happy together.
Our group unfortunately is getting smaller.
Just 1 or 2 years can change a person so much.
When we can spend 16 to 20 years of our life in church.
We treat it like dirt and walk away.
This is how you treat God ?
Knowing he is true and having the HS ?
I say it's bullshit.
Don't give me your crap.
Unless you really cannot make it...
Don't come.
Don't tell me i cannot make it... Cannot rush over.
When you are shopping at the other end of the map.

Even if the sermon is not interesting.
May not be edifying or pierce your heart anymore.
Your heart may have turn to stone.
Too much army... Saying bad words has become so common.
It's hard not to sin when you are bounded by sin.
I just want to say....
If you are reading this.
Don't give up.
Because someone is praying for you.
I am praying for you.

I may not be good.
Or holy.
I screw up alot.
I'm not as good as i boast.
I may be in the past.
I'm a lazy person by nature.
I know i will die when i get out of cougar.
Although i complain.
I love my figure now.
And i want to continue having it, so i want to change myself.
I may not look hardworking now.
But i try my best to be the better man you once look up to.

Do not give up.
God is crying for you.
He is begging himself not to write anymore names in hell as he already done so.
Do not make him suffer anymore.
Return back to his side.
Do you not feel your heart grieve when you first had the hate ?
Do you not follow that small echo in your heart.
Telling you to forgive ?
Telling you to give in ?
It takes two hand to clap.

You know.
I have always looked up to you.
Because you did what i couldn't do.
Because you were always up there.
I was always in the shadows.
When i got the HS you got it shortly.
I was jealous.
But i shrug it off.

But i seek to be better than you in the wrong way.
So now i regrate.
Why did i give up on you so long ago ?
Just because you got the HS, i let you fly into the sky.
Like a kite, the string broke and you flew too far from my reach.
It's because army had not trained me to do so.
To be more understanding.
To be able to look after you as it is my duty.
I'm sorry.
Forgive me for letting you be this way.
I can only relay on God's hand now.
I may be useless... But i have a God that made everything.
Hopefully this has touched God's heart and yours.
Hopefully my Lord can help.
Hopefully he can open your heart again.

I can't only write till here.
Sick Dogs have to rest.
Nitez.

2009-02-18T12:07:00.001+08:00

Cougar warrior are human.... Unfortunately.
Didn't know i could fall sick at such an important time.
Sick to the core.
I was still feeling fine when i woke up....
Down with a freaking fever before we set of for field camp.

I think i know the pattern on how i get my fever.
I just feel abit drowzy and the temperature would be around 38.7 to 39 degrees.
Abit extreme....
Kind of bad if they don't give the proper treatment.

I got 10 mins to unload all the tool....
Mega amount of tool in my bag....
And Change to my smart4....
Which i had made into a long4 for my SIT test....

Damn....
I rush like mad....
After i ate medi...
Felt so drowzy....
Felt like dying....
March under the hot sun feeling that way....
All the way to the port....
Felt so long....
Felt like killing myself....
Wanted to fall to the ground and make some dust fly...

But since i saw the ocean, i felt the will to carry on.
POP is coming soon.
I want to go out with pride.
Pass my SIT test and go to OCS.
Guess there is no time for GFs.
Army life is cruel...
But... I love it alot.
Just for 2 years...
Doesn't seem too short or too long.

Guess i just might become someone great.
For a NS men.
Gonna snooze.
Byez.

2009-02-15T01:45:00.002+08:00

Maybe it's because i'm careless.
Maybe it's because i'm useless.
I can't even get Marksman.
What can i prove now ?

I got 32 out of 32 before.
But i just can't perform during test.
Why is that ?
I keep thinking i cannot get full marks.
Maybe that's why i can't get full marks at all.
Cos i think that way.

I feel so sad.
I've let myself down.
SIT test better perform well.
I'm getting fed up with failing all the time.
This is sick.
I will get a perfect score.
I must get it.

Maybe somebody was down with me.
But well, life it's like that.
Suck thumb.
So what if you are 1 shot away from marksman.
YOU FAIL.
That's the fact.
You let your company down.
Our section had 10 marksman before that shot.
And in the end got 3 instead.
WTH is this.
At least we got our pride back for company's best shot.
But i'm not happy.
I didn't contribute to getting marksman.
Damn. I wanna hit my head on the freaking wall.
Darn it.

Suck thumb.
Get your head in the game.
You got another test in 2 days time.
Good luck.
You can do it.
I know you can.

2009-02-01T05:00:00.003+08:00

You know...
When you start being a man...
You grow up and realise the importance in your value.
The burden you have to take up.
The role that you have to play.

When you see others being childish.
You can't help but pity them.
Somehow...
Well...

Just like...
T:Can't you come over to my place ?
Me:Ermm... I just booked out and i'm shagged.
Me:But hmm... No problem. I'll go over.
T:Yayyy... That's great but i want to watch a movie.
Me: Could we do this another week ?
Me: This weekend is rather short of me.
Me: Have to do up some assignments that the army gave me.
T: Aww... But i have been waiting to watch this movie for so long.
T: I wanted to watch it with you.
Me: Err... Must it be tonight ? Can we change it to another day ?
T: If you don't want to watch it with me just say so...
Me: Not really, I'm just shagged.
Me: So sorry, come on... Don't be angry.
Me: Dinner's on me later.

Man.... Girls can be so devastating to your life.
Yet there must be give and take.
Oh well...
More importantly.
Do what is right.
You know what i mean.

For guys who still remain childish.
Good for you.
Enjoy your freedom.
Enjoy not playing your roles.
For those who entered army and not yet matured.
Pity you.
Sadded.
Well time to go... Need to book out later. Byez.

2009-01-26T01:23:00.002+08:00

There is alot i wish to say.
Yet i cannot do so.
There is alot of things that i feel inside.
Yet i cannot express it.

I'm thankful.
Thankful for my life.
Thankful to still keep my breath.
Thankful to have water again.
Thankful to have a bed to sleep on.
Thankful for whatever is placed on my plate.

Thankful for parents.
Love ones to give me courage to carry on.
Thankful for their letters.
To motivate me to push forward when the feeling of death sweeps past.
To never give up because of pain.
To move on even when you feel tired.

I want to be the best.
I want to go on.
I want to go all out.
I've achieved my goals.
Maybe i might be able to enter sniper.

My goals might turn out for the better.
But before that.
Pain must be felt.
Nothing comes for free.
This is reality.

Sometimes during field camp.
I keep hating myself.
I keep asking why the hell did Adam eat the bloody fruit.
Don't care Eve la.
Why adam ?
Why are we punished to toil and sweat on the land ?
Why did the stupid snake be so weak ?
But than, Sgt. came and told us to suck thumb.
And get a move on, we don't have all day to dig a stupid hole.

Thank God for such loving parents.
Treating me like a king whenever i return.
Maybe they are feeling guility for that day.
But it's not their fault.
It was never their fault.
It was mine to be so spoilt.
Mine to be so stupid.
To be unable to comfort them.

It's not about what you do.
People make mistakes.
It's about how you change to never make that mistake again.

I've been mentally tortured.
Physically tortured.
But never giving up.
I will not fall because of such stupid stuff.
I will not go down you hear me.

You can throw me as many shit as you can.
Make me leader and screw me up side down.
But i don't give a damn.
I will not fall because of weakness.
Even if i physcially can't do it.
If my mind say i can.... My body will follow.

And now i'm declaring to you ass.
Give me your best shot.
And let me tell you.
Hit me with all you have.
Or you are going to regrate it.

Cos i'll be back.
Stronger, Better, Faster.
Everyday i see my muscles getting bigger.
Everyday i feel like i have become stronger.
Everyday i feel like i can run like the wind.

I will not fall.
I will survive.
Throw me into the jungle thinking i'll die and i'll climb out without a scratch.
I'm a survivor.
To not be able to talk.
To keep slient.
But a song keeps playing in my head.

"Survivor" from destiny child.
1 more month of shit.
What can you throw at me ?
My body is shaking.
Shaking with excitement.
How are you going to break us down ?
Try me.

2009-01-12T14:04:00.003+08:00

Thanks for the concern.
Thanks for your care.
Thanks for friends.
True friends....

Although i never like to make things big.
But it's good that friends do pass word around.
Thanks for the sms of concern.
Even when the training is tough and there isn't much time.

Honestly i feel shagged.
It's because i wasn't hard working enough.
It's because of my inability.
I get sick easily...

I want to be stronger.
I want to be able to protect the ones i love.
Never knew being a solider could be so tough.
When you are in the best you suffer more.

Maybe i'm not suffering enough for God.
Ain't TJC the best ?
The truth, the one true church ?
Why aren't i training like army ?
If i can take harsh physical training,
why can't i take harsh spiritual training ?
To curb all unholiness.

Army life is full of things to throw your spiritual life away.
Firstly you bond with others.
They become your brothers.....
But remember they come from different backgrounds.
Not yet like us hand picked by God.

It sucks seriously, but i still think positive and go ahead.
Training is getting worst.... We should not have gone at relax pace.
We should have gone from fast to faster...
Now running in boots.... FBO...
I feel like dying.
500m feels like 2.4 km....

My body is sore but it doesn't matter...
My heart and mind....
They are slowly dying....
I'm slowly losing my thoughts...
I wish some how.... My answers will be granted.
After today i won't be back for 2 weeks.
Guess i'll see you guys during CNY.
Bye.

2009-01-11T21:39:00.002+08:00

Some times i feel so weak i want to give up.
Yet i gather the strength to carry on.
When i want to lose hope, i want to prove the commanders wrong.
So i pick up hope again.
Dashing forward with all my might.
When i'm weak and powerless i find strength to dash another 2.4km.

A smile was in my face when Dns. Docas told me i was stronger than Joel.
For once, i won him.
For once i've beaten him.
But i'm not too sure about that.
In fact there are times i want to cry but couldn't.
Not because of the harsh training.
I'm a man, i can take it.
But i miss the people that i couldn't say goodbye to.
I miss the love ones i cannot get to see anymore.

I miss chatting with the people i know.
Relationships are broken as i drift futher away from the people i use to know.
My friends are slowly disappearing.
This is how strong bonds are now huh ?
Guess this is how people treat bonds now a days.
Nothing....
Care for self before others.
If there are no benifits forget about it.

Army life is just the same.
Why am i in the smart batch ?
Why am i in the leadership batch ?
People care for themselves.
They don't care for each other.
They just don't wish to get screwed so they shout at you to remind you.
They push the blame and scold you when they get screwed.

At times i just want to give up.
Just totally give up.
Others do 100 to 150 push ups.
We do 300 to 500 push ups.
I feel so screwed up.
Like 360 degree screwed up.
2 more month of hell.
I hope the police answers my prayers.
For i will never sign up if i finish my NS in the army.

I just wish for death.
But i guess God won't take my life yet.
I have not done enough to repay the debt i owe him.
He won't take me away until i have at least repaid the interest that still owe him.
I still owe him too much.
I'm trying hard to control myself.
Too much bad words here.
I find it uncomfortable at first.
But i got used to it.
This is bad.

Worst i'm starting to say them when i get pissed off.
Lucky i have christian friends in my bunk.
With each bad words we say we do 10 push ups.
And i still owe 30 since we got screwed the other day and i had no time to do pumping.
This might turn out good.
In order not to suffer more pumping don't say bad words.
Thus trying to force myself not to harbour such thoughts.
Thus trying to see closeness to God.
Anyway gotta sleep.
Gonna KO already.
Nitez.

2009-01-02T14:49:00.006+08:00

Had fun... Although i was freaking shagged.
Yes, it was new year's eve.
The day which i booked out.
I booked out at 4 pm.
Reach the freaking harbour at 5pm.
Entered the freaking interchange at around 6.
So vicky, you're information kinda seem wrong. Like totally.

I was on msn at 4 pm well cannot betray my buddy so i cannot say much.
But i had a good time on msn.
I realised how much people are waiting for me.
Waiting for me to appear online.

Got back home at 6 pm. Filled with people bugging me on my phone.
Dispite the fact that i said i was going to sleep.
But oh well. What can i said.
I'm well desired. Muahahaha.

Before i was out of camp.
When i was getting screwed upside down. Vic, SK, ZC and a few other people....
Sorry man... I don't have your numbers in my army phone.
I have no clue who are you so i didn't reply.
Anyway i was being screwed so no point i won't be able to reply you guys as well.

Well firstly after i got out of camp.
Got flooded with herbal soup and drink by my parents.
Due to my flu and all that.
Man... Caring parents.
They gotta do the shit that i bring home from camp.
Thank God i have such parents.

Who will rush to the habour the moment you sms them ?
I told them i book out already and they rushed over to fetch me.
I was still 2 hours from reaching my destination....
They waited for me for 2 hours.

Who in the right mind will wash your cloths and cook for you dinner ?
Very big arr come out of camp.
Need to clean up and treat you like a king ?
Yet my parents went to clean up after my mess on a holiday.
Man... I feel so ashame.
It's like they are going for NS instead of me.
Cook the moment i arrive and all that.
Man.... I feel so useless. Fill that i'm so patetic that i cannot do anything.
Nothing have i done for my parents.

Many people said i have grown.
To be more independent.
To be more mature.
The way i speak is different.
I guess i have no clue.
The more i get screwed the more i miss the life i used to have.
The more i feel i've been spoilt.
I feel like the king the moment i reached home.
I can feel the difference.
The day i left for camp after my first book out,
I felt depressed.
I didn't want to go back.
I felt like dying.
But when i entered camp.
I had no time to die.
I had to train, i need to be more fit.
I need to be strong, better, faster.

Anyway this is going to be a long blog.
Started after the 30 min rest.
The moment my mom opened the door,
reaction kicked in and i sat in standard position.
Felt so stupid. But yeah... That's my life now.
Anyway went out after that with the car at 8 plus nearing 9.
I remembered watching tv with my parents.
But i don't really care about tv.
It was more of talking with my parents.
Watching the news on channel news asia.

I'm like a frog in the well.
Knowing nothing.

Anyway drove to the mrt to pick the guys up.
They were not sure if there were drinks being provided there.
So they got some soft drinks.
I got free soft drinks from SK.
Wooo....

Drove to the park after that.
Had some problems with the parking.
After not driving for 3 weeks plus 4 weeks.
I got abit rusty with the logic.
But i see my reflexes gotten better.
After finding a ulu place to park.
With 2 freaking trucks to hide my car with a van in front of me.
Even if i get finded the van will block me.
And it's far away from the park too.

Anyway told stories of my army life.
Made the guys laugh.
The tough life in tekong has given me lots of stories to tell.
When you are in the best and you cock up.
Many stories will appear.

Wanted to get the chriscentiment tea like last year.
But the menu seems to have changed a whole lot.
Thus i decided to get a pot of tea.
Yeah right what a big pot indeed.
4 bucks for that. Seems kinda expensive and wasteful.
But WTH, i'm having fun with my friends.
I don't really give a damn about the money.
It's the people i'm out with.

The pot looks so ..... Arr....
Well ..... As Vicky said ... Cute.
Saw fireworks in malaysia.
Cool... But nothing special.
When caught my attention was the signal flare look alike.
The flames flew beautifully into the air.
Too bad it didn't burst into flames.
Ever saw a flaming tree ?
I did. It's so cool playing with the items.
Can't wait to play with the big weapons.
Anyway Vic bought sparkles again.....
Oh well... What you expect she never got through NS.
Still a kid.
I felt bored playing sparkles.
After you see the fire arms in army.
Sparkles seem so stupid.
The amount of fire power it can produce is like so small.
You should have seen the flash bang thingy.
Man.... My eyes sparkled when i saw it.
It was so cool.
But in order to make her happy.
Oh well. Just play la.
Anyway SK also ask me to play.
How can i refuse ?

Okay.... As you can see from the pictures i'm having fun.....
I guess....

Tried my best to make a heart shape.....
Unfortunately it didn't seem that easy to bend it the way you want to.
Plus i saw some gun powder falling out so best not to bend it futher.
It did turn out rather cool to burn from both sides.
The heart seems to burn rather nicely.
ZC stole some of the flames from me in order to save his butt from getting burnt.

Had fun building funny shapes and getting it to burn brightly.
We tried burning alot of them but failed like mad.
The sparkles seems to burst like mad....
It burst like a HG but well.
The flames just hit your pants la....
So don't be a sissy.... Just suck it in....
Had fun trying to burst the ultimate bundle.
Tried burning cardboard..... But it was damn hard to burn it....
Took like freaking long and the fire didn't really burn enough to light the whole bunch.

I though of the extreme safety measure.
Put the paper that Nah didn' want, into the bottle.
Light it up and burn the sparkles from a distance.
Freaking scared since i didn't know which one will burst into flames all of a sudden.
SK was telling me not to get disfigured for the sake of burning the sparkles.
I still have to book into tekong on sat.
Hahaha... That was funny...
He of all people telling me that. When he risked his life to burn the first few sparkles.
Hahaha. Funny. But thanks...
I wanted all the more to burn the sparkles when you told me not to.
Because a cougar warrior does not give up, no matter what.

In the end we did a final pose and took a picture.
Vic was saying she'll take the picture of us guys.
But wah piang, there is something called the timer.
Yes you can take it without the use of a human.I decided to give the spirit of the cougar warrior.
Cougar what is your favourate exercise ?
"PUSH UP SGT. !!!!!"
"PUSH UP IN POSITION."
"YES SGT. !!!!"
"Permission to proceed SGT. !!!!"

Vic was asking me .... Sure or not got 10 sec more lei.
Please la. Kanna punished for like 5 mins holding in that position lei.
What is 10 sec.... LOL.
Hmm.... I don't remember myself being so dark. Hahaha.
Oh well. Kanna punished too much already.
Sure turn dark one la.

Oh well. When people ask me to KNOCK IT DOWN.
We must reply.... HOW MANY DO YOU WANT !!!!
300 down now.
THANK YOU SIR.
Permission to continue SIR !!!

That is a cougar warrior.... After the 300 and you wish to die.
You smile and tell the Sir, Sir i want more Sir !!!

Hahaha.... Anyway after that i sent them back 1 by 1.
Not knowing where to go....
Being lost.... Feeling like the road is freaking long.
Anyway after all of that it was like 2.30......

I was freaking shagged already. Going to KO...
Than a phone called rang. Man... You owe me big time...
Went out till 4.30 when i sent you home.
I was totally shagged. Reached home at 5 am...
Slept till 5 pm the next day... Well or should i say the day itself.
Man.... Shagged. Went out with my parents for dinner and walk with them.
Bought some CDs. Classical songs.
So i can put them in the car. Enjoy them while i drive.

Went out with ZX after that for some usual routine.
Althought it's abit lame but well. Yeah ok la.
It's bored. Hopefully today will be eventful.
I'm going back to sleep again. Nitez.

2008-12-23T22:30:00.003+08:00

Never seen the sky so blue.
Cloud so white floating in the air.
This is what is see everyday.
Under the scotching sun while i get tortured with exercises.

Never seen the star so bright.
Sparking in front of you.
I want to say it's romantic but...
What's so romantic sitting beside sleepy and smelly guys.

Never bath la. WTH.
Put in more effort to get yourself fresh man.
Lazy people. Wait till we all get screwed.
Anyway. Can't talk about army stuff.
It's classified.

Just only can tell you that my wife is a burden.
And it can be stolen easily.
She also has to go on a diet.
So heavy carrying her around.
Without a doubt, with great power comes great responsibility.
Get screwed everday.
No time to pray, just pray before i sleep.
I feel so low in faith just praying once everyday.
I wish to escape. Death did cross my mind.
But WTH. I can take all the shit the army can pour on me.

Miss alot of things.
Hopefully i don't make stupid mistakes.
Like dozing off.
If not cannot book out liao.
Haiz. Oh well.
I cannot confirm anything unless it's decided.
Need to sleep liao. Nitez.

2008-12-11T09:58:00.001+08:00

Yesterday was one busy day.
Going out like mad.
Didn't manage to meet some people.
Like they ran away right after the program.
Did get a chance to talk to them.
Take care guys. Goodbye.
Bro, good luck. I'll miss you.
I guess you won't be around when i get out.
I know you will just leave without a word.
You always do that, i kind of got the pattern figured out.
Will be awaiting those moves before you go.
I'll miss you alot in there, take good care of yourself.

Vicky, rest well. People with high fever do not go online.
They rest or sleep more. So that they can get cured.
Take care.

Fresa always busy with projects. Well dunno what to say.
Jon well you used to it liao. Enjoy your POP.
Vin, good luck with the monster body you have.
Try not to be too extreme, it's getting too big.

Goodbye Ling Qian, see you next year.
Hmm... So sad cannot see you at all.
But dun worry will have the chance to do so in the future.

Kind of sad to leave you guys.
But i'll be out during the weekends after christmas.
If i'm lucky during christmas eve.
Although we're not suppose to celebrate christmas.
I'm thankful i get to book out on that day.
I can't wait to get out of that "theolo".
Teach but teach you the wrong stuff.
Learn but try to prevail over evil.

Okay. Time to go send my parents off.
They should be awake anytime soon.
Hahaha. Ok. Gotta go.Gotta log out.
Byez.

2008-12-03T00:45:00.002+08:00

Time is running out.
I'm getting restless.
I feel bored to death.
Yet, i'm busy as a bee.
I have mixed feeling now.
I want to go into the army now.
Yet i want to escape from my fate.

Anyway i'm all pumped up. Forcing myself to think of not dying in there.
Yesterday was fun.
Went to buy army stuff with my bro.
He know so much, aww... Even prepared a list of things i need to buy.
Although i got my list, i still took his list into consideration.
Anyway met auntie, serene, vince, Sk and Nah.
Best, eat dinner together at mahatten.
I never expected Nah to eat a 25 bucks dinner man.
Hahaha. But he did. Cool.

Had fun eating and talking cock.
But alot was on my mind.
Cos of the topic that was asked of me.
So do you have a girlfriend now ?
Err... Hahaha.. Err...
Any rumours about you ?
Err... I'm ignorent ?
How is your sister ?
Err....
Does she have a boyfriend ?
Err...

How's your mom doing ?
Hmm... Yeah she is good.

Rather awkward conversation.
How do i say more.
When i'm not allow to say anything.
The feeling isn't good.
If i don't say anything i'm like anti social not give a damn about you.
If i say something i'm gonna get screwed. Hahaha. Oh well.

After that i was thinking alot of how to solve this problem.
Hmm... I guess... I won't give a damn since it can't be solved.
Anyway if the person doesn't bother there is no solving it.
I kinda want to hit you so hard to wake you up.
But against my code to hit girls.
You are luck you ain't a guy.

Anyway forget that. This is the new attraction to me.

Training to be soldiers,

Fight for our land,

Once in our lives,

Two years of our time.

Have you ever wondered,

Why we must serve,

Because we love our land

And we want it to be free

To be free

Looking all around us,

People everywhere,

Children having fun,

While we are carrying guns.

Have you ever wondered,

Why we must serve,

Because we love our land

And we want it to be free

To be free

Hello I am your sergeant
and you are all my men
You will listen to exactly
what I say understand?
When I ask you to eat you eat
When I say sleep you sleep
Do you know what I will do to you
if you screw up my plan?

Chorus

Knock it down
Knock it down
Get your hands on the ground and knock it down
Just take it like a man and knock it down

If you don't have a girlfrend
At least now you got a wife
She just turned 21 and so
You guard her with your life.
She is brand new model
and she shoots very far
She is made in Singapura
and her name is S-A-R

S-A-R 21
S-A-R 21
She's the new rifle of Singapura
S-A-R 21
S-A-R 21
Don't trifle with this rifle S-A-R

When I was in BMT
I used to weigh a tonne
My PTI said
My grandma can walk
faster than you run
Last time I can't do chin-ups
Now I can fye (five)
Im so proud of my achievement
all thanks to PTI

Why so slow
Drop twenty
Now you run twenty rounds
round the SOC
Twist my arm
Sprained my knee
Go ask MO give you attend C

Knock it down
Knock it down
Get your hands on the ground and knock it down
Knock it down
Knock it down
Just take it like a man and knock it down

I used to hear those stories
that army life was tough
I used to be like gu-niang
but army made me tough! Ummph!
After 2 years of training
Now then I know why

When the enemy starts firing
When the enemy starts firing
You don't have time to hide!

So Knock it down
Knock it down
If you don't want to get killed just knock it down
Knock it down
Knock it down
I'm like semi-automatic knock it down
Knock it down
Knock it down
If you dont want to get killed just knock it down
Knock it down
Knock it down
I'm like semi-automatic so you'd better knock it down!

Abit stupid sia. If your wife just turn 21 all year round. Plus if she is not a virgin, how the hell am i going to protect a non-faithful woman with my life. LOL. Ok lame. Sorry, just trying to find a way and argue. Oh well. Nitez

2008-11-29T23:25:00.002+08:00

When i pray with you i want to cry.
Because i remember what i went through.
The times before i had the HS.
It wasn't luck that gave me the HS.
It wasn't me snatching someone's HS.
It was you praying with me for the HS.

It was you who told me not to give up.
To drag me to go to church early and pray.
To spend time praying with me.
To make me desperated for something i cannot attain.
To make me want it more than anything in the world.

Thanks for the chocolates, the bible.
The cranberry juice was specially delicious.
Cos someone bought them for me.
LOL. I feel more comfortable.

But today abit naughty la.
I run away from service with Gxxxn.
LOL. He went to buy game some more. WTH.
I nothing to say.
But i was falling asleep so cannot tahan.
Need to go out and walk walk.

Ok. Gotta sleep. If not tomorrow cannot wake up for church.

2008-11-14T16:28:00.002+08:00

Can you not vent your fustration for nothing you PMS bitch ?
So what if you are the boss.
Man i really wanted to screw you till you cried.
You want to blame blame yourself for being such a freaking fool.
Go find a solution instead of being such a bitch and make everyone unhappy.
You fool. I can predict your company will close down soon.
You have good workers but i can confirm without a good leader.
The best generals will fall into the hands of the enemies.

Know when to pull back and move forward.
The world of business is not as easy as you look.
You need tactics in order to be successful.
Adelene you are a good person but you cannot adapt according to the situation.
Haiz. But still you are the best. Thanks for your short line of warning.
But i'm still pissed with the whatever her name is.

Anyway forget it. I got my pay already.
I'm gonna spend it all. My guitar heroes world tour. Woo...
Anyway i calculated that i can get back the money already from this month.
No point working so hard and not enjoying the money.
Wooo.... Can sing play the drums and the guitar as well.
Best.

Have you ever watch One Piece ?
Interesting.
It's a show that has two world.
The normal world where people are weak.
They will die and fear things.
They would not know the things they fear.

There is also the grandline.
A place full of unexpected things.
The weathers are funny.
It may rain, snow or be sunny in an instance.
The place is dangerous and you may die at any moment.
Thus many people fear Grandline and choose not to go.
Thus they wither and die.

Isn't that like life ? Oh yeah the directions there go haywire.
So no point having a sense finding your way with a compass.
There is something called an eternal post.
A direction to a place only.
Just like life.

We have our eternal post.
But the winds and the rain blow us back.
Set backs all the way.
The sails are not smooth at all.
Sometimes you aren't able to sleep.
Maybe because of storms you have to mend the deck.

Monsters might cross your path.
Pirates may attack.
People might be unfriendly.
You might face with situations that makes you wanna die.
Or even things that you hate so much.

But remember friends are on board the boat as well.
Maybe when you are looking on the left of the boat he is looking right.
When you are on deck, he went below.
Friends are always there.
Do not throw away your eternal post and float where the sea takes you.
You might stray futher and futher away from the path.
Until there is no return.

Thanks SK.
Usually i'll just dump the email if i do not understand it.
Or it's a hassle. But i read the whole thing in like 5 mins.
I just poor at reading word by word but i know the meaning.
So i usually read sentance by sentace for speed reading.
Thanks man. I don't throw things i understand.
It's just that this world is worthless.
Sin, life, world, work, games and many other worldly things.
None of them can give eternal happiness.
Especially life, the longer you live the more you wish to die.

Yet people want to live longer when they know they cannot have it.
People chase after the wind.
Something that cannot be attainable.
When they attain it, it no longer becomes valuable.
Happiness there is no such thing in life.
God does make people happy.
But when your heart do not have him.
You do not feel God and will never be happy.
This void is getting bigger and bigger like a black hole.
Sucking everything away from me.

Maybe it's just me.
Maybe just a mood swing.
Anyway don't want to give much thought.
I just want to hit the sack and KO.
Nitez.

2008-11-08T21:44:00.002+08:00

Life is fun when you are in church.
But more fun when you stay over in church.
Unfortunately the world is not fair.
The devil works 24/7 in stopping THE PLANS.

Work will make you physically tired.
You can never be able to force yourself to do things.
The moment i close my eyes i fell into deep slumber.
I missed lots of smses. Many people contacted me.
I was called to go back to work even today.
Sick... Being good can be a bad thing as well.

Need to fred over alot of stuff.
But i feel sad i cannot join the friday nights.
But haiz. Today had fun with the guys.
Went to drink tea with ZC and Vic after bring the stuff back to church.
Got high with ZC on the way there.
Talk cock. Tell them about my work.

Tell him how i con people.
LOL. Evil job.
Came back heard a very familiar hymn.
Managed to remember my tenor parts.
Cool. Great memory. Timothy you are so smart.

After that went to buy fruits.
LOL. Tio stunned man.... Really test my skills.
Lucky my mom called.
Asked her how to pick some fruits.
LOL. Those i know how to pick i chose the best.

After that went to eat with SK.
Can say Vic was eating i guess.
And ZC just sit there lor.
My dish is big but the portion is small.
Dumb sia. Kanna cheated. But don't care la.
I got my pay already. Dun really give a damn.

SK really cut my heart with arrows.
As christians we don't club.
Arr... One arrow in my heart.
We don't even think of going to those places.
Ahhh... Pain... Another arrow.
Sian...
After that saw SK's mom and Dn Doc.
Before they just walk away.

Went to popular after that.
So pai sei, i looking at the new albums and everyone waiting for me.
Hahaha. Vicky don't want my help to carry the goods.
So i'm not at fault wor.
Ok. Gotta do my job and play audi as well.
Byez.

2008-11-03T23:03:00.003+08:00

I wonder why ?
I promised not to blog yet i'm blogging.
I feel i'm drifting to the world instead.
I feel more comfortable with them.
Hahaha... I was right 6 years ago.
Once a sinner always a sinner.
There is no way my wings will fly up to the heavens.
If i'm to go to hell so be it.

This is what i'm feeling right now.

Clubbing keeps entering my mind.
I get invitations from friends, from babes.
Refusing them once, i stood strong.
But as the rocks keep tumbling on me.
My walls are cracking.
It's starting to give way.

I guess it's the end when i enter army.
Church... It's starting to get meaningless to me.
The people are just a fake smile.
You are never having a warm welcome.
God is far away for i made my distance by my every choice.

People can just go to hell for all i care.
Smiling is all fake, maybe God did the wrong thing to give me the HS.
Maybe it was meant for the person beside me but i snatched it from him.
I feel comfort with people from outside.
Their way of talking seems weird and different at first.
But slowly i'm getting used to them.
Drinking certainly i like.
Smoking, never. Once i made my point clear they dun bug me over it.
Talk cock. Best. Everyday if possible.
Make fun of every little thing.

Last friday was the worst day of my life.
To decide on going clubbing or not.....
Halloween party... At the hottest club in singapore.
Invited by a pretty young lady.
Work of the devil. Confirm will sin.
I don't want such stupid things to happen anymore.
Saddness within the family.
Why must sin abound ?

All i can do is lock myself in my room and switch my phone to slient.
With all hope that the phone will stop ringing.
Holy communion, i was like sorry for giving in to temptation for a moment.
Dressed up for clubbing but went back to change to my sleeping cloths.
But when there is no activities and i went back.
I was back to my state of sleepyness.
I want to sleep and i don't care of anything anymore.
I don't want to see anyone else.
Nobody... I just want to be forgotten.

Sermons are just being forgotten with each passing day.
And i have the feeling of death around me.
No bondings like before, just play and talk to computers...
Boring single player games.
I just want to make new friends and forget about my current ones.
I don't care about disappointment.
There is always a new start.
Looks like this family's spiritual aura is dimming.
Soon the life of God will not be in it and the tree withers.

2008-10-28T22:08:00.002+08:00

I feel sad.
I'm leaving my bed soon.
Soon i cannot see my parents.
Soon i cannot be filial to my parents.

I'm glad i won't see my parents when i go in.
But i'm sad that happens as well.
My mom will be very sad when i go in.
I should not have told her i'm going into camp.

When they leave for a holiday,
i'll be going overseas for 3 months as well.
I'll not be coming back for 3 whole months.
To not reveal the truth sometimes might be a good thing.

I should try my best to keep secrets to myself.
I don't want to hurt anyone anymore.
Sometimes i think being a christian is tough.
There are so many things you cannot do.
But it's for you own good.
I just don't understand.
Why can we give in to evil so easily but take ages to do good ?
Why can the devil wrap it's arms around your heart ?
To squeeze it and make you fall.

I miss my bed... I will miss it alot.
My bed, my pillow, haiz... It's not like theolo 3 or 4 weeks.
It's 3 months.
And you get to sleep on your bed for 1 night out of the 7 days you have.
Oh well.

Why does girls like to hear lies ?
I wonder why....
Am i pretty ? How do i look ? Have i gotten fatter ?
When you already know the answer still ask me.
Isn't that stupid ?
If you want to hear lies, don't bother asking me.
I won't give you that satisfaction.

Recently working in an almost all girls environment.
Haiz. Freaking bored.
I never want to look at a pretty women again.
I saw one girl that looks like L.
Another one i knew today sounds like L.
WTH !!! What do i keep thinking of L all of a sudden ?
You suck. Go away. Shoo out of my head. Bye bye.

Everything pretty is related to L anyway. Stupid.
Haiz. Best la. I think i go to sleep bah.
Don't want to talk about her anymore.
After so many years still can think of her means something is wrong.
Haiz. What is wrong with me.
I need to make myself busy with something else instead.
Working with girls makes me feel sad.
Although it's good to know new people each day.
But... This feeling is kind of stupid.

I want a dog. I don't care.
I'm buying a dog no matter what.
Want to love, best to love a dog.
Would be loyal to me. Won't be so petty.
Won't have mood swings.
Yup. This settles everything.
After my 3 months i'll get a dog.
Nitez.

2008-10-21T19:38:00.002+08:00

The grass is always greener on the other side.
When one does not attain it he craves for it.
When one is not in the other's shoes he doesn't understand.
To earn money is not easy.
To spend on the other hand is too easy.

Hardwork that parents have done for us is too great.
Yet we blame them for not giving enough.
Woe are the unfillial children.

To them they have no love for God.
As they do not even know how to love their parents.
One can only attain love when he gives his heart.
Both to God and men.

Working i saw someone at work that looks like L.
I miss L... Oh well.

2008-10-15T03:41:00.002+08:00

Have we felt as if we were walking in circles.
Like walking in the wilderness ?
Or worst when we are lost do we forget about God ?

If we still remember God.
When we are lost do we know what to do even if we feel God is not there with us ?

That is to give up that burden.
I have recently spent 70% of their thoughts spent on useless worrying.
Which i know is even more for women.
This subjects us to lower performance.
That way we would not excel in our goals.
Giving up easily.

So just keep swimming. Keep on going.
You will find God again...
And you can sing this song when you feel better.
Sort of a song from my childhood days.
Keep getting stuck in my head, can't forget it. Enjoy.

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.

I think I can make it now, the pain is gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is the rainbow I’ve been prayin?for
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.

Look all around, there’s nothin?but blue skies
Look straight ahead, nothin?but blue skies

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.

2008-10-05T23:17:00.001+08:00

There once was a tree, huge and beautiful.
A kid stumbled across the big and beautiful tree.
He played by the tree and fell in love with it.
Swung himself from the vines that were drooping down.
Sat on the branch to watch the sunrise and sunset.
Slept by the ground with the roots as his pillow.

The boy loved the tree, so did the tree.
The tree loved the boy as he was dear to it.
As years went by the boy slowly spent lesser time with the tree,
until one day he stopped visiting the tree.

One day the boy came back, the tree was very happy.
The boy told the tree.
I need money, can you give me money ?
The tree gave it some thought.
It told the boy, pluck all the fruits on the branch and sell them.
You will get the money with that.
So the boy picked the fruits and did not return.

As year went by the tree grew even bigger but wasn't able to bear any fruits.
The boy came back to visit the old tree, as a young man.
The tree was excited and thrilled to see the young boy again.
This time the young man told the tree.
I'm getting married i need to build a house for myself.
Can you give me a house ?
The tree pondered before saying, here take my branches.
Cut them off, it should be enough to build a house.
So the young man did as he was told and did not return after.

The wind blew as each day passed by, the boy did not return.
One day the man returned.
He was worried and frowning.
The told the tree. I am tired of this place.
I want a boat so i can travel to the other side and see new places.
So the tree thought for awhile, cut my log and make it into the boat you wanted.
The man heeded the tree and did as he was told and sailed over to the other side.

Season passed, winds blew.
Spring, Summer, Autum and Winter came to past.
Yet the boy did not return.
But one fine day, an old man came over to the tree.
The tree was unsure at first but soon joy filled it's heart.
It was the young boy who had grown up.
The Tree told the old man.
Before you tell me your troubles i would like to say.
I cannot give you anything more.
For i have nothing left to give you.
I am nothing but a stump.

The old man, had tears in his eyes.
He told the tree, i am old,
weary and tired of fighting in this world.
I just want to sit by your side and accompany you.
If you would allow me to do so,
please let me sleep beside you like in my younger days.
I wish to be with you till the end of my days.

2008-10-03T19:33:00.003+08:00

What does it mean when you say your burden will be taken away for you when you rely and cast your troubles to him ?

Will you really feel comforted ? I don't think it's working for me. Maybe it's because my heart doesn't have him at the moment. I spoke with Nah over something. Decided and acted upon my decision. I don't feel happy over the judgement i have applied to the situation.

After that came disappointment, when i needed happiness to forget my sorrows. Hahaha. Guess, i'm facing a change now. But i don't think it's for the better now.

Wonder why i'm feeling like this. Is this writting too little ? Hmm... I don't think i have much to talk anyway. Byez.

2008-09-24T01:19:00.002+08:00

Today was the worst day of my life. I felt so lonely. Thanks dad for speeding. LOL. Today was fun feeling the pressure of that semi drift. I didn't get enough sleep. And i can't seem to sleep much even now. I guess i'll KO soon. Dad did not go for his OT in order to pick me to the PA HQ. Waited for an hour outside the guard house. I was in attention mode, ready to impress. Even with 4 hours of sleep it's not enough. From 1 am to 5 am i slept well but suddenly i guess the excitement kicked in so i wasn't able to go back to sleep even after i refuse drinking water. Dad wanted to wake me up but was surprised to see me all changed and ready to leave the house. Wee... Impressed my dad. Not bad huh for someone who sleep late and wakes up late.

Anyway the whole thing was so boring after the waiting there was the weight and height test. Should not have went to jacks to eat such a fattening meal with mom. Should not have eaten so much prata and all that my weight went back to 81 kg. Damn, i'm so sad. I lost weight but gain it all back in a week. My pants noo.... I want to go back to 76 kg.... Arrr.... Damn. after the birthday party and all that i'm gonna run and do all the stupid keep fit exercises.

The people there were impressed by my conduct i guess. I kept saying thank you. For what i do not know. But the Mr. Stone police just won't smile and kept his stone expression. Tried to tell him a joke he stared at me. Sia la... So anti-social... I talk to the senior police officers also not so bad to me. Interesting fellow. Hope i get to meet you again during the next interview. I don't believe i cannot make you smile. LOL.

Another thing is that during the cycle moto test. LOL. Freaking funny. Guys please spread out your legs and touch your toes. Ok good. You there please do it again, everyone else recover. LOL. So funny, that guy arr... and it's not the end. There is more... Everyone clutch and release your hands with palms facing outwards... Ok... Now do it inwards... You again... Could you please try that one more time. Lastly please do marching, you guys know how to march right ? Ok begin.... Everyone okay... Mr. could you do that again... (2nd time he marches) Ermm... Do you know how to march ? You lift your left hand when your right foot steps forward and you swing it the opposite direction. Ok ? Right, now start marching again....(3rd time) Have you marched before ?
Guy : Not really.
Mr.Stone : Ok i'll show it once to you. Now do it again...
Guess why he keep on doing it. LOL. Cos he was playing dino catching. Or maybe acting like barney. He lift he right hand and right foot and walked like barney. LOL. Funny. That joker made me laugh like mad after i surpress my laughter and went to the toliet. I made a mistake when he said ok feet together, now squat fully. I cannot do that. Damn. I not used to putting my feet together. Die gotta train a little.

Another joker. LOL, people applying for the police are really interesting. LOL. Ok move your hands in a circular motion... Good. Now your hands in a forward motion... Now move in a backward motion... LOL... Got one joker move one hand backwards one hand forward. Made me fed up. He still wait awhile and think on what he is to do and made the same mistake. What the hell just swing both hands together and you won't get it wrong. Dun care what position if he says wrong than try the other position. Oh yeah this advice is for those who cannot get it for those who can please do not follow such stupid advice. But finally he got it right. Super funny. I think my batch took the longest to finish up our check up. LOL. Bloody lame.

When they called us to strip to our under pants i kept starring at one guy, his body looks freaking nice, i like his muscles man. But he keep starring at my xxx... That sicko... Make me so uncomfortable... I keep starring at his when he stared at mine. Make him feel like he is a shame to all men. Tried to force some muscles out to make my body look good. But cannot win him la. I force only can force my chest to look bigger. My stomach got the curve of a freaking girl. So sick... play too much Wii already. Body abit funny looking. Oh well. They called us to strip to our under pants and face the back. Which was a freaking mirror so we admire ourself and each other's body. LOL. Actually i see who's one is better i guess only that guy beside me beat me. The rest more overweight than me. LOL.

Told you right don't eat so much donut. Like the american cops keep eating donut so fat. All the robbers will rob you or the bank you are working at cos they see you so fat cannot chase after them. LOL. Ok that was mean but lol.... Funny... I also fat la... But not as fat as you... Muahahahaha... Ok seriously i gotta stop this...

Anyway kanna hunthumb by Mr.Stone, why never bring O lvl cert. But i thought the message ask me to bring my latest cert. Which is my diploma. Than you can remember your O lvl results. Yes 18 points. What are the subject grades ? Sir i took my O lvls so long ago like that part of my brain got dust liao, can't remember sia. You think it's funny is it ? I'm not joking with you. Bring it during the next interview. Yes sir, Sorry sir.

Interesting fellow, i think he not so stone one just want to show that police cannot be messed with. In fact police rather crappy, my bro-in-law. Hahahaha. Ok dun talk bad about him. He is my life saver. I think i put my full trust in him. Although he is a joker most of a time, i don't know what to say man. He is the best, but i'm better. LOL. Anyway back to the serious point. I think i need him most when i'm in trouble. I makes me feel very safe. I was sweating like hell. You guys need to submit 2 character referees, they must not be your family members or relatives, they must be working and earning money, they must not be serving NS. Screwed up man. All my friends are all my age what. Who so good can meet up with people that is not related to you and earning money.

I sweat like hell sia, i was so worried. Who do i turn to ? Than My bro-in-law did the best thing ever. He helped me find people to help me be my character referee. Sniff sniff... I forgot i'm not related to his brother in anyway and i know him quiet abit. Next i thought of Bro Nic. Wooo.... Win already, i got 2. Actually wanted to put Bro ben but ermm.... nvm dun say.... He was willing to help actually but i sort of... anyway i found a subsitution and my problem is settled.

Later it was the dreaded 1 hr and 30 mins break. I was soooo bored. I started messaging ZX. I think i message wrong person cos he never reply to my first message. Hmm... Wonder who i send it to.... LOL... nvm... And vic dun write on my tag board about the situation you know. Dun say anything it will cause my life to die very bad ok. My heart will shatter like glass, and hurt everyone when they step on it.

Anyway as i was saying i tried to waste 40 mins just sitting down for lunch and doing nothing. The malay food super fattening i got like freaking full and can't finish up my meal man. But since got 40 mins i slowly ate the food. After that still got 50 mins. What to do ? Haiz. I went down to the toliet to wash my face. Before heading to the freaking window. No freedom like prisoner like that if you leave the building your application will be terminated. Sian sia. You only got a one way ticket into this building and will not be allowed in here the moment you leave this place. So the only thing i could do was to look at the small mini like 20 big steps garden. Oh yeah the 20 big steps is walking around the garden not one stretch. LOL. So you can imagin how small it is. Sian.

As i was leaning on the glass panel i hear a funny sound. It was a bee. Woo... I was scared at first, will it sting me ? But i was too bored so i played with the bee, i tried blowing it away and it gave me that dun mess with me sound. LOL. So i stopped for like 5 mins before i got bored and blew at it again. LOL. We became good friends, to think that i wanted to kill it in the beginning. He entertained me for 35 to 40 mins. LOL... Thanks bee... Better than ZX who dun bother about me. LOL. And he not sleeping some more. Dun pick up my phone to chat with me or something. Tomorrow i guess will be a boring old day. Maybe something good might happen. I might get to go out. Have some fun.

Anyway the bee helped me wild away some time. I went in 10 mins early so i caught the bee in my hands and let it out of the building to thank it for entertaining me. The physcometrix test, i did the bloody test like 3 times this year, i'm freaking bored out of it. I won't be surprised i got full mark even after doing it so fast. It's so freaking common sense but the angry thing is that you sure have to use up 2 hours due to waiting for some slow people to finish up the test and shade the freaking paper. I could have finish the entire paper in an hour. 20 mins for the IQ test, 15 mins for the what is more important in life test, 10 mins for the crappy agree or disagree test, 10 mins for the true or false and 5 mins for the very dumb what you do when you are stressed questions.

Man... Waited 15 mins for the IQ test, Waited 20 mins for the other test. I remember cos i was starring into the air and shading my answers again and again until the shade cannot be any more darker. Police academy has nothing to look forward to except the pretty madam that conducted the physcometrix test. LOL. But than again this type of girl very common in poly. Just that put more mature make up and dress more formally. Pink is a sign of immaturity. LOL. I forgot someone else i know like pink. LOL. But lucky she not in singapore for the time being. You are childish old women. One leg closer in the coffin. I still 20 years old. :p Old granny.... Boo hoo hoo. LOL.

Anyway i dun want look at her so much, my future wife more important, so cannot flirt with such a woman. But than again should be friendly. So during the ten mins break talked to her about her job and how to get into that position lol... rubbish lor, i totally not interested in her job so boring. Sit for 3 hours every time to do stupid surveys. Than talk about her life and all that. At least flirt for 10 mins la. She too old liao. Hahahaha... Cannot reveal her age if not she kill me. But she very old... Older than me by lol.... Dun say la... Anyway tomorrow might forget about her liao. I can't seem to remember her face anymore. I guess that's why people say love is blind. LOL. Maybe not in this situation but hahaha... nvm... Dun say liao... Later people angry.

When i came back so freaking tired. Still wait for ZX sia... Bloody hell my body about to break liao. So i strip... LOL... In a way i stripped la. I took out the uncle's clothing i was wearing, i bought it like 8 years ago. Cool sia... Inside look so fashionable. I feel sad to lie to the police officers by not wearing my true cloths. Instead listen to my dad and comb a freaking ancient side parting, wearing my shirt like an uncle(no offensive but look like Jon), tucked in like a freaking ah pek. People see me on the streets wearing that will call me a freaking Ah Pek lor. Ah Pek Tim. Sian sia. My reputation in the police force is ruined.

Anyway this thursday will party like mad... My friends and i going Suki sushi for buffet.... actually i wanted to eat like 5 star cos it's cheaper and the weastern there is like way much better. Just that i want to wack everyone i see at the counter cos their attitude sucks big time. But their food is just so tasy so i don't give a damn. I'm sort of scared, if i fail this interview i let down my parents. If i pass this interview, i might not have time to go out with others. Both ways i stand to lose out. I'm just walking one step at a time. I never planned my moves correctly now i'm in such a fix. How do i balance friends, family ? Not to metion God's time which i have already settled. Now is rushing to meet friends. Maybe sat night go out with friends. Sunday morning go out with family for breakfast and some marketing and all that. I guess i have to book in to camp in the evening. 6 months leading such a stupid life.

Today i can resist but tomorrow will i still resist ? Tim, you need to grow up more. You need to stand firm to your decisions and make it clear to not only yourself but to others. Not wavering in spirit. Anyway i can feel it... I'm going to KO already. Nitez.

2008-09-22T16:06:00.001+08:00

I forgot to write about this. I was suppose to say this when i came back from church. Pr. CAQ. He made me stay awake although i keep yawning and about to snooze. I was thinking of his sermon. What was it that kept me thinking the coupled died for sinning but they were afraid after that ? They should rejoice when sinners are punished that way the village will not be corrupted. Instead they were afraid... Why is that ? It was so clear to me, the couple was not corrupted. It was the village that has been corrupted. The people feared death because they themselve have sinned against God.

That was the reason why. Was it a message encoded for the church ? I wish that was the case but not much people will pay attention and find out why. I believed that is the case. The last message i can't remember for morning service.

In the afternoon service there was this case of Saul who was once known as Paul, a person who loved god alot but didn't know he was acting against God by killing his people. He thought that getting rid of the Jews will equal getting rid of God's enemies. Hmm... The truth was on in him, but when he got blinded by the Lord's bright light what works would he have done if Aninnas had not gone to him. A normal believer who was filled with faith. He must have been worried sick, i'm going to a person who kills the believers of God. What am i to do ? God himself has asked me to go to him, will i be killed after i become a medium of God to restore his sight ?

Yet he went and followed God's will. What great courage. I have a good impression of him for that courage to step up. Maybe there is a hidden message in this sermon which i'm unable to pick up. Every sermon may or may not be good to the ears, but does that mean we do not hear ? Does that mean we do not change ? Each sermon piercing your heart is a good thing. It means you will have to change to be a better christian and love the Lord more.

Drinking may not be a bad thing but knowing not how to control and getting yourself drunk is a bad thing. As long as you do not make yourself a waste of space on this earth not by the sight of man but the sight of God, you are a blessing to Him. A person that might be the next moses, a person that delights the Lord so much that He will tell you "My child, My death on the cross for you was worth it."

Next would be the main topic that i want to say. To rejoice in saddness... I was doing the afternoon shift of ava so this testimonal will stay in my ears for a long time. The speakers were directly next to me so the blasting was rather painful to the ears but at least they were clear for me to hear. When a person has cancer, do we feel sad for him/her ? Why ? Is it out of pity or love for the person ? Most of the time people pity those that do not share the same benifits that they do so they soften their heart a little and give as little as they can. Love is equal to yourself. To be able to spend everything on yourself to be cured.

I was thinking as i heard the sad story, but was happy the person could be so strong. To rejoice in the Lord and seek His help everything when the person vomits during chemo, and injections. Pills to stop the cancer cells from spreading. Everyday it was a pain, it felt sad. I know what it feels. I have experienced that feeling before. Saddness, not the pain but i could see the pain on the face as she vomits. I cannot do a single thing but pad on the back and say words of comfort. Rushing maddly around the house to get water. Studying like mad to pass exams. I wonder was it during my O's. Or before that ? I was so angry with myself... Why did i play a fool and land myself in NA ? Yes i found friends, but i also found darkness. I'm lucky i woke up during the O's but i don't want to waste a year to wake up. I feel crappy. I need to make up for the stupid mistakes i have done during my younger days.

Rejoicing when you are sad. When your life is almost over. Is that possible ? Yes using textbook answer we shouldn't be sad at all. It is a test from God, maybe you will die and leave this world but ain't it better ? You can see your eternal father in heaven. Using the textbook which is what we should do, doesn't work when you are the one feeling the pain. You feel God is unfair, why must such a thing happen to you or your family. There is 2 path way after your initial anger. 1 is hate the Lord with all your heart and leave the church (which is what the devil wants and is laughing when you do so), 2 is to seek God and ask him for forgiveness in whatever wrong you have done and forgive the things your family have done in any way too offend the Lord. Believe with all your heart, because once you doubt it will not happen. I trust in your works, i have full faith in you. Next moment you ask him, you sure or not ? are you able to cure him ? Forget it la, i think you cannot do it. Go away.

Do you think a normal human will even help you ? Let's take God as a human, if you cannot tahan would a human be able to tahan ? God is better than us humans but don't hurt the Lord just for the moment of anger you are in. He doesn't have to help you at all. You are begging for a flavour not Him.

Anyway i cried after the sermon when Pr. CAQ said "Jesus died on the cross for us, the sour wine was given to numb his senses to let him have an easy death but he decided to bear the pain for us." I couldn't help but the tears in my eyes just forced itself out when he finished that sentance. That is my weak spot, when the person i admire has a new point that i didn't realise before was discovered. I felt so touched.

Anyway Glenn told me it's only human to listen to the testimonal and cry. No i felt human's suffering is nothing. These touching things tell of God's grace to us, but we deserve to suffer that is our punishment on this earth. The suffering of Jesus is not needed but yet He wanted to suffer for our sake. That is what i admire. That is why i cried. I died for the sake of people you do not know and save them. That is our Lord. That is why i believe and strengthen myself to live in his footstep.

The devil filling our heart is not the devils fault for he did not posses you. He did not control you to do such things, you were the one who chose to do so. You succumed into his words. To sin again God. I am guility for i felt stronger than before. Now i am nothing. I am weak. I remember before getting the HS i was so... So happy. So strong, when i got the HS, i got stronger, i felt like i can do anything. I felt so close to God. I felt the world can be destroyed with this body of mine. I do not care. I can rule over the devils but they can't do a thing. Yes at the moment they can't do a thing. But when you are at your lowest point they rob you of everything you felt about God. I can never be the same as before right now. I feel that i'm the worst person in this world. The greatest sinner. I have failed my Lord. And yet i cannot do a thing to change anything by myself. I admire others for their talents when they admire me, i find there is no point in admiring me. I am nothing compared to you. I keep trying to harden myself. To be cold, to not open myself so much. What if you betray me ? What if i get hurt again ? I went through it once with God and survive. Will i be able to do so again ?

I find life just miserable. Men's duty on earth is to live just to die in the end. Vainities of Vainities. I guess that's life for humans. Anyway my friend is here do keep him waiting for me too long. Byez. Oh yeah there is a soccer match after church service this saturday. See ya there. Young youth vs the older youth. Should i give chance ? No way. LOL. Dominate everyone. Only kids let them win abit so next time got challenge. Ganbatte. tomorrow's interview will make me sore into the skies. Wooo... Wednesday pack my room. Thursday celebrate like mad and friday play with my friends at church during the stay over. Saturdays soccer match of my life. Woo... Best. Ok. Byez.

2008-09-22T01:23:00.001+08:00

I guess some people are wondering where i have been for the past few days. The usual staying in church ? Nope. I had alots of fun... The youth group should have been made long ago. I find it very attractive to stay in church and do such activities together.

I even ditched my sis appointment for a hair cut just to go and finish up my photo frame. I feel that if i am not going to church on other days i should just dedicate the whole of saturday just for church and not just run home like the other believers. Imagin talking to your father and just walking away the moment he finishes talking, how rude not to even play with him or talk to him.

It's fun to see, how guys have no talent in art. I'm used to having the computer do that for me. So i don't bother about being an artist. Oh well. I guess i need to work on that area now that i've come to a realisation of it. It was fun. Great fun.

For those who know what i'm talking about. I won't give up you hear me. I will continue my "art" next week. My beloved creation. I should have done such things long ago. It's so fun. Instead of always spending money and doing nothing together. Gaining weight by stuffing food down the throat all the time. Anyway seriously, i have some things to say and what i have saw disappoints me. Guess i know how God feels when he men sinned.

I wonder why this 3 days has changed me alot. I realised alot of things. About life, maybe even more than that. The matters in church. Many things. I want to be with the world. But seeing that the church is like that. I have no choice. I love my Lord more than the world and it pains me to see it in such a bleeding state.

I have to agree with Nah. Oh yeah by the way to make myself sleep on friday night i didn't sleep the whole of thursday so i was like a walking zombie.... And what was stupid is that plans never go smoothly so i should have just slept anyway. Cos i didn't get any sleep except for that 2 hours before i force myself to wake up and get ready for morning service. Talked alot with Nah. Many problems my eyes had opened up. Now i guess i know what Dad was talking to me about when God opens your eyes.

Now to change the topic. When you think Christians know what in the world they are saying. When they have not experience they will just tell you textbook answers which will not motivate you. In fact even if they tell you their experience you won't know it until you really experience it.

I feel sad but i cannot write it on my blog. I have many things that i feel i should do. But how can i solve it ? I feel sad as i hear Hougang is going to have it's new TJC church. The good side is that woo i can be free of duties, i do not need to travel so far away and waste time. Bad points are i have no excuse to skip church service since it's so near. I can do my duties whenever i'm called to do so. I will leave my friends and not see them again every week. Which is a big blow to me just when we are getting along.

Reaching 21 is a very big impact to me. I think i have fully grown up already but since i'm thinking like that, i think i have not grown up fully yet. My thinking is no longer the same as when i thought last week. I have decided to take up arms and fight the battle in life's struggle. No longer pampered. No longer spoilt.

Anyway there are lots of problems that i'm facing now. But good thing is that my NS interview is this tuesday and if i pass it i might enter in 1 week time or in 5 weeks time. Cos the entry batch is starting. I have confidence in my interview. I'm so inside the police. No sweat.

LOL. Anyway i went for a hair cut. Damn. It sucks. But to make my mom happy. Hahaha.. Yeah it's ok i think this salon suits you more. I prefer my previous one instead. I guess she understands, she wasn't giving me feedback on my hair. LOL. I too picky i'm sorry mom. But i explained that it doesn't matter, i'm gonna shave my hair soon anyway. Hahaha. So yeah. I guess it's good. Anyway i fell asleep when i was dying my hair until the hair dresser touched my shoulder i immediately got into a defensive position, so embrassing, i think i'm fated to be a commando or something around that range. I can't sleep well at night feeling safe. I keep thinking i will be attacked and to stay focus in order to disarm the person. When i reached home i just went directly to sleep. And my pillow turned into a yellow background with purplish red dots forming an oval shape of my head. I was so sleepy since i didn't sleep the day before and still lack like 13 hours of sleep. Cos i didn't sleep on thursday so that i can sleep early on friday night. LOL. In the end 2 days of not sleeping made me so... Dizzy. I think i'm gonna sleep soon. Ja mata.

2008-09-14T01:39:00.001+08:00

Firstly i want to salute Okamura-san. He really is funny... Joker man... Make me laugh like mad for so long. I keep watching that show and imitating him. Hama Mie... LOL... I really look like an dumbass but who cares i'm having fun. I kept on dancing like him hahahaha. Funny. The dance so easy to remember and complete. Anyway singapore dancing rather lame. I rather go America, Korea or Japan to learn dancing. You shake your body abit you consider good at dancing lame lor Singapore really no standard in such areas.

Ok... Today... Err... I forgot what happened. I think i talked to Sue for too long.. Oh yeah i went to play Wii after that till 3 am. LOL. Than after bathing i just KO at my bath. Yup actually promised to go for morning service so Nah asked me to help him cover his duty. But by the time i woke up the service has already ended 1 hour ago. LOL. I got so many missed calls from friends asking me things. Plus i got messages about being lazy and slacking and all... It's not lazy or slacking... It's called staying healthy. Yeah... LOL.

But yesterday i broke my ankle again. During boxing the vibration was so great cos i got a bashing. I accidentally jumped onto the rug and slipped, but i didn't want to fall so i tried stamp my foot with alot of force to stablise my body but i used my ankle instead to break my fall. So my ankle kinda hurts. Due to past injury from getting a sliding tackle during a soccer game, my ankle gets hurt very easily. LOL. Archilies. But amazingly today still can walk although abit pain only. I'm a man i can take it... Woo... I love that line.

Quit nice man, the whole place gave me a kind of excitement when i enter the new building. Is this going to be our new church ? Doesn't feel right. But still it's kind of exciting like a holiday camp. LOL. Funny had so much fun today. Walked to the playground. Bro Nic was there and asking where we going. LOL. I just smiled and pointed to the playground. LOL. Throw face.... Man.... Kanna teased like mad.

In the end Vic was happy.... She managed to snatch the swing from the kids. LOL... No la... actually is got no one so she went to sit on it. But after 10 mins she came back. LOL. After months of whining she just spent 10 mins of happiness before coming back to earth. LOL. I was busy talking cock with ZC, Nah and Glenn were in their own world talking about some other games. I managed to talk about becoming a GM and all that. Wanted to ask about the codings and how is the game made. I was very curious about how games are being made... We talked alot of stuff and even studies. I managed to find the course i want to do in UNI. I want to take an MBA course. So after working i want to use the money for MBA. It's very expensive.

Anyway i was talking about my chest when vic was sitting the swing. Woo... Wii has given me a good looking chest. It feels firm man... I mean not even the little wobble at all when there is muscles there. Cool sia. I feel so great with my new chest. I want to change to a better body. Even my legs are firmer with all that running left and right when i play boxing. Must be swift must be fast. Must read the person's move. Must think of how to beat him/her. Wooo... Best.

Anyway after that we wanted to walk to the coffee shop, which was 15 mins away if we were to walk there slowly. Kinda of fun, no kick lor. Such a short distance is nothing. The most 1 plus km mah. But Vic was like arr... Noooo... Dun walk... So i told her since she wants to eat ice cream she go buy an ice-cream before we start walking. Fres when to INdo i think. I heard SK also went there. Oh well. Anyway it was rather fun.

Reached the coffee shop we were deciding if we should eat chinese food or pizza near by. Walking a few times before we decided to go have pizza instead. Best. LOL. I wanted to have a cheezy meal and a large pizza. And guess what. We bought a large and regular pizza. And the pizza's were large Cheezy Hotdog pizza and regular extra cheezy pizza. LOL. My wish came true. Wooo.... Invited Glenn to come over to my birthday BBQ 2 week later. See their decision next week. If got enough people than i go get the list of people ready and tell my sis.

Oh yeah Sue. Sorry about the photos i promised i only managed to take one photo before the battery went flat. So no sparklers and mini fire crackers. Anyway it was about to rain so no point. We played awhile before it started to rain. I'll take more picture next week instead.

After that we walked to the next bus stop... I wanted to walk to the MRT station, since i have not worked out the whole of that day. Anyway i walked the whole day after that. We went Sun Plaza. Woo... Guess what Glenn asked me after we got down the bus ? ... "Tim wanna go get a drink and talk cock ?" Firstly i thought it was soft drink so i didn't mind. Than he said "No... I'm talking about beer". LOL. Vodka... Woo... I wanted to drink the cherry flavour. But in the end i cannot find vodka anywhere so decided to go home and chat online.

I think he went to sleep cos i didn't see him online again. Oh well. NS men. What to expect, give him chance la. Can meet him good enough liao. Anyway i sat on the bus 72 and slept after it past NYP entrance. All the way until hougang mall when i woke up and rushed down the bus. I was stunned to see a girl sitting beside me and starring at me when i was sleeping. Man. Was there something on my face ? I just woke better cloths today cos the cloths i'm comfortable with are being washed at the moment. I think i need to get a new belt. My old pants is falling at my hips. It's at the tip already if i compress my stomach my pants will fall...

Guess it's time to get new cloths. I can't believe i'm back to 80 kg after the pizza and snacking from the past few days. Oh well. It doesn't really matter if i gain or lose weight, if you gain you can always lose it again. BW said a very funny analogy. "A guy losing 1 kg of weight is the same amount of shock as a gal gaining 1 kg." LOL. He really makes me crack up alot. Crappy guy. Oh well. I'm going to go study my Japanese already took too much time writting this blog and watching Jacky Wu. I want to take my japanese O lvl test by next year. So i can take my degree the year after. Cool. After i get my degree i'll go to Japan for a trip with my friends. Banzai. LOL. Okay, Benshoshimuse Byez.

2008-09-10T09:14:00.001+08:00

Hahahaha... Just came back from a run after my nightmare later i'll go for a run with my friend. Wooo.... Went running twice in a day... Cool.... Anyway after running my nightmare still stays clear in my head. Oh yeah for those who hate head flying and body slicing please do not read this post.

I had a bad nightmare... I can't seem to sleep well yesterday, i kept on dreaming one dream after another... Can't seem to remember the other dreams but i remembered the last one. My hair... Slowly being shaved off. The creepy woman was shaving my hair off and sniffing it. Sick... To the core. After shaving it, she tried to lick my head... I couldn't take it so i gave her a punch in the face before i ran out of the freaky place.

I was given my singlet and army pants to change into. Damn it was cool. But the people around look like their brains got fried. I was placed in this room. Man it was so creepy. It was totally dark and there was a chair in the middle. I was forced into the room to sit in the middle of this chair with a bright light shining into it. I'm used to controlling my dreams so when i know something is wrong i just change my world. I wack the 2 shadow looking guys who forced me into the room upside down but the freaking door just shutted itself before i managed to get out so i sat on the chair. Immediately the chair strap itself onto me. It was an eletric chair. I knew it lor. Stupid sia. They started questioning me. And told me a password. "Your hair is gone" Damn sia... I think during normal times i was too lame now i get such lame dreams... The password is like... Haiz... NVM... Worst was that it felt so pain and real when they just shocked me for no reason after asking me a series of questions. I got fed up so i broke the chair... Dun ask me how. I just tried my hardest to stand up and it just broke. Jumped into the screen where the people were questioning me and wack them like crazy funny thing is they just look like shadows... Black but not as black as the dark room. Without any face or anything.

I don't know how but somehow i was teleported to another place. Lined up with alot of people. The person in charge shouted. You see that bucket of water in front of you. What is the first thing you think of ? Drinking ? NO morons. Putting it on your bags ? No you dumbasses. I want you guys to put them on your hairless heads, run up this hill into the camp and if i see you guys spill a single drop you will come back here fill your waters with this tap and run back up.

Damn it's my dream... How come you get to shout so much at me so much ? Man... Could it be a fear the army so much ? It sort of looks like a holiday camp to me.... Well commando camp sort of ... Have the feeling of death i guess.. Anyway before i forget the last part before i woke up. Didn't care what the person was saying i threw the water down the cliff he was shouting like mad so i kicked him and he fell off the cliff. LOL. My kick like super kick sia, the cliff took me so long to walk over and throw the bucket of water down. But a kick can just make him fly so far and fall off. Funny. The power of dreams. Anyway i ran up ahead in front of the people around me. But somehow there is still a line of people in front of me although i ran my hardest and got ahead of the pack somehow there were still people appearing in front of me.

But they are sort of a guide for me to follow. The camp was not a camp... Sort of like the harry potter castle but it's not.. It was darker... More gloomy. And you know what happened next, i saw those fence the one you see in western graves... And true enough... Our beds were the soil and a tombstone was there each with our names there... I saw my name on my tombstone. Someone i guess a person in charge shouted... These will be your beds. In case you die during battle these will be your grave as well. Better start having some feelings for it before you die. I protested. These are our beds ? How can you let a solider be so demoralised before they head on to battle ? To see your own graves. We WILL BE COMING BACK ALIVE.

Suddenly i heard a voice from behind me. "Yeah we will come back alive, from the dead".... I wasn't so stupid i jumped forward and did a roll out of the "bunk room" There he was the in charge i kicked off the cliff... Looking dead with a broken neck, he stabbed a sword at the spot i was standing. Please i prefer using a katana. Anyway after thinking of that for awhile, he charged at me. I tried to hit his vital points from what i learnt online and during my aikido lessons. But what do you expect he is dead. So i was kicked to the ground... Ouch... My tummy still hurts from the kick.

It was painful. I couldn't get up. I was just sprawling on the ground, wriggling like a worm so helpless. While the dead guy went to get his sword. He walked up to me and with a piercing position he aimed the tip of his sword towards my head. I did not want to do this but i kick him in the you-know-what, sending him hopping around. For a moment i thought it was useless to kick a dead guy there. But the funny thing was that a golden ball fell off... Hahahaha... He was cursing me so i asked him if he liked the 2nd one to fall off as well. He suddenly charged towards me with his sword. Freaking monster... But i just made a katana appear out of no where and block his attackes. From my aikido lessons i managed to cut him alot. He body was spilling maggots. We parry with one another for sometime before i saw an opening. With one strike i cut his body into half. He was screaming in pain as his body slowly falles off his waist but before the whole thing fell of i gave his head a swift cut. Doing a cool post of drawing my nihontō back into it's scabbard.

I thought it was the end but the sky was still deadly dark with the smell of death all around. To kill an undead. Was to smash his brains. I totally forgot. He got up and pieced his body together. And gave me a stab from the back. Why is my stomach aimed so much ? I feel so pain when i woke up... Anyway back to the dream... That was not how i woke up. The pain was so great but i can tahan... I cut his head by drawing my nihontō forward and doing a stab to the back of my head into his neck and slicing it off in one blow to waste some time. Before i pushed the sword out of my body. While he was piecing his head back, i got this first aid kit from out of no where. Yeah don't ask me i cannot understand how i get things in my dream, all i need to do is think about it and reach out into the air. That's how i get my equipments. Yup. Just pour some liquid organs into my body and some liquid flesh and i was back to normal. Just that i still feel the pain.

It started to rain and the both of us jumped off the cliff and landed into a field. Just like those samurai shows. We ran forward but the monster's rotting smell was getting worst, so we pause awhile as i started puking. He was kept on apologizing as he covered his mouth. Joker la. My dream is so screwed up... Anyway the swords turned into light sabers and my cool scene was taken away from me... Sick... light sabers.... So lame la... And than teleported to some space platform or something... Can feel the burning sensation as i avoided his fatal blows. We were on the same level of skills so we can't land hits on each other. And lastly when our blades or whatever you call those lights collide, i kicked him in the stomach(yes revenge) but he punched me in the face[dishonour (T-T)] as the water spill out of my mouth i woke up. Feeling very thirsty. LOL. Stupid way to end a dream. Anyway i'm going for a run. My friend woke up and came over to my house while i was writting this. Sick spent 1 hour writting already. Byez.

2008-09-09T15:34:00.002+08:00

Got bugged by Vicky to change my blog lay out. So here it is. The one i like better kind of got a funny feel. Cos the flashing words would sort of cross over my blog. But it's way cool. Anyway since Vicky keep asking so i'll change it la. I've got time anyway.

My sleeping time kinda of got screwed. Oh yeah something very unexpected happened sia. Vicky join me take bus. LOL. Anyway walking in the rain was very fun. I loved the rain alot. Reminds me of my younger days. Looking at the sky, flying kites, enjoying the wind.

Many nice things are happening to me these few days. I guess it's because it's raining everyday. I prefer being alone during rainy days. The rain makes me happy. I like the sound of rain drops falling to the ground, i love the smell of rain it has this smell that feels cool. I keep looking up into the sky these few days. It's kind of nice. I look the cool weather that lets me sleep so easily. Hibernation time is here. Guess sleeping is rather good.

I remember during theolo it was always raining. I would love to sleep during that time. I would always look at the window when it's raining and see the rain drops drip down from it. Maybe there will be a bug or 2 stuck on the window but the rain drops just down fall onto it. Thus i tortured the bug by diverting all the rain drops onto it. Disappointing... It fell off so easily. I admire the spider. The web was all wet and the spider was trying it's best to fight against the weather. Don't give up. Even when the web is broken try and try again. I tried once to break the web but the spider built it all up by the next day. I kept doing that for a few days but still it didn't give up.

I have nothing to say but all the best in your life little one. You will do great.

Everything is connected. I wonder why ? But somehow everything is connected. The internet is a big spider web. You can cut the line to be a stand alone web but the moment you switch on the internet you join the web together. But man... can never be together. Their web is always alone. When they join together it takes awhile before it breaks in the end.

People will always complain and backstab one another. So what is the point of saying anything to people you don't trust. How is your day ? How are you doing ? What's up have not talked to you for so long ? Useless words. If you really have a bond in the first place, even without words you will make the person feel comfortable. I used to have those kind of friends. But what the hell happened ? I got screwed in the back. That's how "Good" friends can become. Family is all i have ? No... I still have some friends. Trust only a few people. Mostly those that are close to me. Family can be a disappoint some times. Heed the words of your parents. Since dad says don't make this kind of friends so go ahead.

I mean that way how do i make friends ? Just because he doesn't greet or feels abit unfriendly... WTH.. Unless he is a gangster or talks dirty i have nothing to say. But oh well... So what if i feel like that. I cannot do anything...

I feel trapped but i cannot break free... I wonder why ? I think i just want to stay in church and not go back home. Staying in church feels great. I don't know why. But i just enjoy staying there for the night more than anything else in the world.

Is being a christian that hard ? Didn't Jesus came to this world to be with sinners ? Why must i always stay with goody goody people ? Instead of asking me to stay away from him why not try to change him ? This is absured... Forget it. I'm gonna sleep. Although it's mid day... Whatever... Nitez.

2008-08-26T00:28:00.003+08:00

Tears just flowed down without me wanting it to happen... It left a glimering trail of tear. Maybe we never wanted it to happen. Maybe we forgotten God. Maybe it pricks us from the heart.

I know i can never be like thee. Never as strong as thee. But give me faith, give me hope. Give me perservences to go past all obsticles without fail. I may lag behide other but hold my hand so i can complete the race in the end.

Give me the will to change myself. Walk with me Lord. So that i may be like you. Be my peer pressure and influence me to be you. To be holy. Not by the eyes of man but for your eyes and your eyes only.

Please be my lover. Let me kneel down before you, to give sweet words to you from the bottom of my heart. Let me love you with all my heart. Make me pure with clothes of white. Please give me a heart of love which requires no rewards, a heart that will give everything to you with no expectation of anything back.

Let me love you forever. Do not let me make you cry again. Let my heart be pierced if i make you cry. Let me be sad for making you sad. Come to me my love, tie me a string to you so if ever i lose my way i can alway come back to you. Lord let me do your work with honour.

May i never regrate making this my choice, may i never sin before you. Help me to show the young lambs the way to your kingdom. Do not let me be a stumbling block. Let my heart pour our my sorrows to you. For you my love is my all. All my worldly desires will die away, but my love for you i want it to stay forever. Do let me be punished by my actions but show the young ones your mercy. Do not let me disappoint you, as you are the creator and you will be the one to bring us up to heaven. Do not let the young ones stray away from you. My love, the eternal Lord who rules and creates all things pleasent. Let your servant do your work give me the talent that is needed to earn twice as much for thee.

May i your bride never run away from thee. To stay in thy fold. Always being with thee till the end of time. Let me pick up my cross and follow thee.

Lord seriously i crap too much... Please help me. Dun let me crap during lessons, let the students jaw drop to the ground amazed at what you did for them. You're the man. You overcame sin you know... Not human... But wooo... You did it.. Cool sia... As expected from God. Live a pure life.

Lord i really want to be like you. But i don't show that aura. I can't be the man you want me to be. I have no guts to tell people about you. So i used a blog. When people ask me i breath in deeply to suck up my courage and tell them... But they don't ask me questions after that so i dun shoot the arrows back at them. Please help my friend to cut down his smoking. He smoke too much and he teaching me to talk more lamer crap.

Help my friend ZX to move his heart and come to church and slowly accepting your words. Help Glenn, he seriously crapping alot since he entered army. But help him in his faith... If ever he faith is shaken be there for him. Help Nah in any problems he faces. Women always got problem so no need to bother about them... But if they get too heavy to bear. Let us gather and share our troubles. Lord take our burdens and cast them to the oceans.

Lord take me with you if you ever want to leave me. I don't mind going up early. Just make sure my family don't cry for me. Let them rejoice in me returning to your arms. Let me stay pure in such dark times. Lit my candles once more to make them brighter. Let me shine and keep the darkness away from me. Care for the sick and remember them always. Let your children be glad to see thee and rejoice when the body is one. Let me look forward for a brighter tomorrow when i draw near to you more and more. May God remember this post forever.

2008-08-24T03:10:00.001+08:00

I was sad... Filled with burden... Hahaha... Wanted to cry but just cannot cry... But one person managed to comfort me. By saying the right words. He managed to make me cry... After that feel so good. It's amazing how crying can feel so good. Trapping all those burdens is just like your skin is trying to ripe itself into pieces.

Hahaha... Nah still tease me.... Haiz... I feel so guility... Oh yeah.. Show you what he sent me.

Asked my Korean friend what the songs means.. She said it's "God, All i want is you..." Touching.... Make me think that i'm grasping air. Something that is impossible. I feel better if we were just all friends... Like that talk until so free..

Wooo.... When and had fun today. Talked with Nah from 2 to 4pm. Wooo... Shiok... But he also very lame. Send me a picture of Noah ark on a map.... Haiz... One day show you guys.

Today went to church usual sermon.. Rather interesting one too... Too bad so many people sleeping. After that ZC and i were counting money since first time i dunno if i do correct or not but i guess it's ok bah. Anyway. I was thinking.... Why in the world did i land myself into this mess. LOL. I know i'm good with the girls... But to have 5 girls fighting for me at the same time is maddness... I was raped by 5 little girls.... 2 of them is my niece some more... Err... The term rape as in when you play a game you kanna rape. Dun think dirty. I carried them up into the air and played with them for awhile. Until i was so giddy i nearly fell. Lucky i slowed down the spinning. If not fell on a kid will really become baby sitting. At least i can tell the girl i have fallen on you. LOL. EEEE so disgusting... We like you... Come with us... LOL... Kids... Dunno what they are saying... My T-shirt is being pulled into a dress now. I can use it to cover my legs.... LOL...

Managed the microphone today... And tested the speakers... Make sure the presentation next week goes well. Did some recording. And wooo... Done... Went up did some mopping... Became a servent for my nieces and ran down to get them water... I just love my nieces... Haiz... Too bad they dun feel the same way but dun care la. I kanna bullied by the older one... You arr... Dare to hit me... Lucky i not childish if not i bite you. Bunnies will bite when hurt.

Anyway i was too hungry so i ask the group if can go and eat first than meet nah after that. Told nah we go order first. Later when he finished Choir than come and meet us. So bad he called Sen Kee instead to ask if we still there or not so sad. Depend on me more mah still say we bro. Grrr... Bite you... Anyway i was packing the microphone before we left and ZC was like boss we are all ready and awaiting your orders. LOL... So lame lor. I just stared at him... But he no reaction... Actually everyone really waiting outside for me.. LOL.. But my duty mah... AVA crew... Haiz.. I think i need to go back choir liao... Cannot run away for too long... We walked all the way to the prata store... And yes it was 6 pm already.. Cool got Nan. I wanted to eat cheeze nan but in the end intro Glenn Nasi Goreng Pataya, so ate that as well. Wasted.. Next week must eat nan...

Yeah anyway we all steady SK, Vic, Glenn and i ate Nasi Goreng Pataya. Wooo.. Long time never eat liao. So nice... The chicken was sooo was sooo was sooo little lor... I only ate 3 small pieces... It's like your porriage those chicken slices... Sick.. And the prawn never peel for you one... Last time still got peel for me. And the chicken so much some more. Classic everyone eat the same thing and drink the same thing. LOL. Except ZC, traitor... Still say won't bui Steady one... LOL... In the end also change your mind eat something else. Ai yo... Anyway forgot to ask Nah about my modified Wii... Any news to get such a console.

Nah ate Garlic Nan... Smells so nice... But nvm la... His food dun take from him... I still hungry now but gonna sleep liao... Dun eat.. Anyway... Wah i really nothing to say. Go Sun Plaza with SK, Vic and Glenn. Stupid sia, since the prata shop talk about hacking. So i explain in a way how the cyber world exist and how hackers find their way into your computer. How to prevent it from becoming worst. Talk until go guardient ok whatever the spelling is... Than waited for Glenn i think an hour ... I think SK bought some face wipes or something... Then while waiting for Glenn we talked about how Pregnacy kit works while holding one in our hands and reading information about it. And how sex change is being done... And how liposucksion is being done. PLastic surgery.... lots of funny things. After that total slience for 2 to 3 mins... Cos i ran out of topics to say. Not bad lor i managed to talk for 50 plus mins man... Almost a sermon... Without hymn singing and prayer. LOL. But it's crap talking so not bad... Improvement. LOL.

Ermm... Glenn come over and said my facial stuff cost 300 bucks. Man... Mine only 8.90 lor... My parents will kill me the moment it touches 100 bucks. That made SK laught. LOL. His laughter rather funny. He should relax abit. But you want to see the Baby confirming kit look at Vicky's blog. Our eyes popped out and our jaws touched the ground when we heard the magic words.. Thank you that will be $342.90...

Later just walked to cold storage freaking lame lor. Walk inside than walk out... Never buy anything sia... So return home liao... SK took bus... 3 of us go MRT. Vicky and i took the same train home... Talk crap with her... Can't remember what we talked... LOL.. Anyway Ang Mo Kio super crowded la.. All running up the bus to get a space. Women wearing american football gears charging up the bus knocking guys down to the floor and stepping on them ... LOL... No la.. But i think women got advantage lor.. Got breast la.. If i not scare i kanna charge for molesting i fight with them go up the bus liao... If guy kanna molested people will say you very lucky... If girl kanna molested... You are a monster... No fair right... You feel lucky if a old granny come up and rape you meh... She jump on you, you also cannot do anything. LOL. Ok i'm crapping. Anyway too tired. Yeah i hate bus 74 always so crowded and so many people. 72 ends their last bus very early so cannot take during that time. If only i could borrow my dad's car home. Wouldn't have return home so late. Still can park the car at my house some more...

LOL... Lazy la i admit. Anyway talked on msn with Vicky and Victor... LOL.. So much crap... Plus wah... Vicky say the baby testing kit.... So embrassing.... Ai yo.. Dun say liao... 2 men and 1 woman starring at eeee... Dun say liao.... Why that time can talk until so shiok without any feeling of discomfort ?

I think i crap too much already... My friends are all crapping with me now... Even SK !!! He starting to crap abit liao... He is laughting to my jokes... No somebody save him.... Nooo.... His aura leaving him... He gonna be a mortal like us normal people. THE MAN 2... Will disappear for the earth... LOL... Anyway i tired dun crap liao... Nitez...

2008-07-14T00:45:00.000+08:00

Before i talk about church i wanna talk about outside stuff first. Sorry i didn't meet up with you XY. I had some problems i need to solve these few days i'll make it up to you. And i'll go for your dance. No need to tag my blog. Offline message me. I'll get to see it faster. Err... As for your dancing performance i think you sms me la. I dunno when i will be free la. So see how.

ZW... LOL... Dun cry la. You beat me for like 2 rounds before i dominated the game what oh by the way i can read your moves and i think you can read mine as well. LOL. Oh yeah thanks for the new trademark move. I'll use it from now on before i dominate you. Hahahaha. ZX you are the one person who's mind i cannot read when playing pool. I really cannot understand your moves.

Err... And please KZ... No i'm not gonna make the game more easy. I tried to play as noob liao but the game too long i cannot take it need to dominate the game. WY... soon la. See when got time play pool with you.

Shar this friday play remind me to wear the correct cloths to play soccer thank you. Benz i think you should sleep. Working and playing plus studying will kill ok. Tone down man, it's cool. Even if i enter army still got sun to go out one. Chill.

L thanks for talking to me the past few days. Although mostly is your troubles i'm solving. Should be the other way around la. I'm the one who needs comfort.

Byez Sun and Glenn. Gone to army on the same day but dunno each other. I'll miss you Glenn no one to hang out with for the next few weeks. But sun when you book pls remind me to strangle you. I fell asleep waiting to eat the last dinner with you man. Too much sia. Call and sms also dun reply.

B when i talk to you i feel depress as well. Cheer up man. There is always hope. Don't give up. I'm trying my best not to give up as well. Death will come naturally, do not try to kill yourself. Nobody will miss you because you died to make the person have your attention for one last time. Live on, create your own world. Don't bother about others they can be an ass for all they one. Nobody can stop you in your path. Walk on. I'll contact you as soon as got game on sat or sun so we can all meet up and play pool. Dun be an ass hor, we used to fight one another but now grow up liao dun scold own people la. Now to be the parent.

ZC stop playing so much games. Go study. Exams coming. I free you are not. I dun need to go school you need. So i'll stop maple for awhile hoping you will stop as well until the dec holidays. But by then i think i need to go army. So dun get so addicted. Ok now towards the topic on church.

To think i won't be missed in church... I didn't know the people i knew as friends really do care. I was thinking it's another thing where people tend to hack care. But why me only ? I guess i'm lucky. 2 years of not hanging out with each other but still the care is there. If Dn D also ask me why not coming to sembawang went malaysia for a trip ?

Family problems getting worst. V ask me to talk to someone i trust and feel comfortable with. But i dun want to burden them with this trouble. I feel like screaming out like mad. I hear the truth but choose to deny it. I just want to tear this page in my life apart but i don't want to make matters worst. Sometimes pressure can drive a person crazy. And i guess i'm going crazy soon. Going to adam all the time. Leaving my duties.... My name has been blanked for sometime now. I fear if i go sembawang i might miss something. And i may live to hate myself for the rest of my life. I fear once i go army and i'm not there, what the hell will happen ? How the hell am i going to do anything ? My freedom is gone, my life might become like hell. I fear so i want to change my fate before it happens. Change the future before i become the future.

So choose the red pill or the blue pill. It's all about choice. So what now. What will i choose ? And will i want to continue on with that road ? If i choose the wrong one... It's game over. Talk cork with Nah for awhile about dreading our life for the next 50 to 60 year. Hahaha. Funny. Stuffing ourselves with food so we die of heart attack. Or plan to die early scheme, invest in eating lard all the days of your lives and earn an early death. Hahaha. Some times i want to crap but no mood to crap. Miss the good old days, but things have to change for certain.

I've made many mistakes in my life and i'm not gonna make anymore of them. Rely on God..... How do i do that ? I have not done it before.... The only time i really begged him and ask him was for the HS... Nothing else. Not my life, not my grades, not anything... I used my hands to do things but God helps most of the time without me asking. It may work out right at times. It might not. This time if i make a mistake a life is at stake. I wonder... How long more do i have time to blog. Before all this life is gone... Before life itself becomes a program where you run the program over and over again. Anyway. Yeah. Forget it. Dun want to say anymore. Nitez.

2008-07-12T04:02:00.000+08:00

Woo... Crack my ankle while playing football getting a slide by some ass nvm that. Super high. Went to play pool until 3 am. LOL. Sleepy but fun. Spent the whole day out. Hahaha. Watched movie and bought some food man. It's expensive. Things are getting bloody expensive now a days. I guess i should be sleeping now but nvm. I'll go to bed soon. Maybe tomorrow go out with my clickz for another game of pool.

Bloody hell des do so much pattern during the soccer match yesterday. Keep calling me pastor. That ass. Shave his head and post the pics on youtube. Getting so pissed off. Remind me so much of... nvm... I think the most enjoyable time i go to church is for the Holy Communion. Just for God to be a part of him. Hmm.... Wonder if that can really be possible even as i am now. Maybe before when i was ignoring things but now the news are just posted right in front of my face. How many people have known the truth of things and fallen away ? Hmm.... Let me guess just plus one for now. Friends outside maybe even strangers, yes you heard me. Strangers can be more kind than the person you sit beside during service. If you are injured they help you. Funny. I never expected those actions to happen for them. People with a big heart, unfortunately they do not know the truth.

Who the hell is Big Bro anyway. Nvm. If he is so big to even tell his name let him be that way. I'm not bothering. Dun lecture me about God. I'll not give a damn about your lectures. So what if i'm falling. Nobody cares. Like A left, ok no one contact all just say long time never see that person. OK. Right. If you really wish for my own good just leave me alone and better start praying. Arr what the heck am i saying. Forget it. The more i speak the more i lose faith. Even though This really is THE TRUE CHURCH, i wonder why the false teaching are more welcoming. And less sick that this stupid lectures. Heard that in theolo, done that. Been there. Still Humans are sick. So we should just get wiped off this map. Just die la ok. Don't give God more trouble. If i don't exist you won't be there to correct me. I won't do God wrong. He won't be sad. Win win situation.

I'm done with this church maybe malaysia would be less disappointing. Maybe staying in the shadows isn't so bad. Going home after church not meeting anyone. Less disappointment. Good. Wonder why the world opens it's arms to me no matter how i reject, but nah just forget it move closer to God. Follow his laws. Ok. Yeah. Then... Follow his laws for the rest of your short life....Arr Damn... Talking about it won't solve my problems. I have enough of them at the moment.

Funny when one is constantly persuaded to do something they don't like. And i used to have a lesson on peer pressure. To be forced, and not give in. If you give me logic i will accept. If i find it bull than forget it. Isn't that how you preach to others leave it to God. If they find it bull forget it. Pray hope God will open their hearts. See hardening your hearts ain't so difficult. Getting fustrated now? That's how people feel when you keep saying same thing over and over again. Forget it not getting enough sleep. Com break down during critical moment lucky got people to help, thank God for that. But whatever dun give me more comments. Got something use logic. I'm not giving a damn about the rest. Not a moment of peace. If you tell me that's God test for me, i guess i have fail and turn out the way the devils wanted me to become. Even if God is stretching out his hands to me, without me stretching to grab hold of him, He will not be able to save me.

I need some time alone. To be away for things. Maybe I might find the answers i'm looking for. Maybe it's time to go for a holiday. Escape from things. Quit everything i'm doing and just go find a life. Find out the answers i need to seek before i reach back to my sane self. I keep falling into this black hole. And i will keep falling and falling until i get my willing to climb out of that hole. And believe me. Big Bro you might in a way be a medium to God by sending those messages to wake me up. But currently it's not working so stop it, it's annoying me and i'm more firm in my decision of leaving is being the better choice. Work on the other fallen sheeps. You are welcome to argue but seriously as i am. I don't give a damn. So sorry if those words hurt you but to me that is life at the moment.

2008-07-08T03:31:00.000+08:00

She just suddenly pop into my head. I miss her so much.... The first love of my life... I wonder why i suddenly feel this way but i just darn can't get her out of my mind. K are you there ? It's been 5 years already, i really miss you. Why did you delete my contact ? Was is so that you can forget me ? I really want to see your face. Why did you have to leave back to your country ? Why can't we still stay together even if we are physically apart ? You were my first and the one i truely ever loved. I know you feel the same cos i too am your first. Damn it. Why was i so rash. I shouldn't have said those things about changing my email so you can't contact me. Now you did the same. I was a freaking liar in the past. How the hell could you have believed me. Why ? I lied to make you happy. I made up stories to make you laught. I'm a freaking liar. Damn it. I've changed but i guess it's too late.
These five years, i've thought i could have you replaced but no... They are just... Someone that i cannot ever contain in my heart. I know you keep shifting to places but if some magic were to appear and you stumbled onto this blog by accident. Mail me. It's still the same one. I'll always be waiting for you. The crushes i have... Man... They are stupid. And they die out fast when the truth hits you in the face. The heart and the eyes are 2 things. Flowers will wither and die. But the heart will always be the same.
I know this is a lost cause. What will make you find me, when you have abandon your mail just as you have left me for the states. I know it's kinda crazy but after 5 year i realised Living without you is hard..... But still i can live on with someone else that i couldn't even love. Someone who's heart will never be in mine. Replacement sucks. They just keep getting replaced. Anyway. I guess seeing this will be impossible. If you remember telling me your full name. LOL. I still remember yup i'm not lying this time. M.S.K.E. LOL... sounds familiar ? Good old days. Oh well. We have lots to catch up. I wanna know about your stays around the world. Where in the world are you now ? How are you doing ? Got any new bfs ? LOL. I'm not green with envy but hahaha. Yeah. Abit. NVM. Just contact me. I wanna hear your voice soon. It's been soo long. And if i could meet you once more i don't mind waiting for another 5 years for you. Byez.

2008-06-19T14:03:00.000+08:00

Funny to think that some people would even bother to read this blog. Make it an online diary and everyone starts flocking to see what is your life's actions, mistakes. The latest gossips. I guess writting here doesn't serve a purpose. I better create my own personal blog. With a password for my eyes only.

Still i'm attached to this blog so i guess i'll write alittle. Maybe put a password over here so as not to create so much fuss. I wonder when and why do we look at another person's blog for ? Is it when the person is not coming to church ? Or if the person has problems ? Or for the fun of it ? Hmm... don't be so emo. LOL... Usually the ones who tell me that are more emo than me. Oh well. To God also don't be emo. I wonder... Have we harden our hearts like pharo himself or are we just walking a blind path. Down. Maybe into hell. Tell a friend. Ahhh... Yeah right... Funny. Even if you talk to the person nothing can be done. So it's best that solving it would be the best way to cure my worries.

When it's done we can all laught and talk about it like a joke. Evil humans. Trying to take advantage of each other. When you are rich and have everything you want and need. Cool. Many friends flock to you. If you got a car, hey come on give me a ride. Friends right ? Ok... few times is ok. Not everytime. If it's on the way of course i will send you. But if it's a stranger ? What would you do ? Yes i would pick them up if it's on the way. But hell no will i send them to where they want.

Imagin a whole day of work. And this person askes you if you can pick her up and send her to city areas. Ermm... Any link ? I don't even drive there when i have free time. Ok, i have to hurry and get back to attend to a sick sibling. And the stranger has the cheek to walk to the car and try to talk his/her way into the car. Talk about thick skin.... That was once so forget it.

Called up to ask if the car was available like 4 times. Asking if she can get a ride... Or pretending to be caring by asking where are you ? When will you be back home ? Is the car available ? I know when one gets old they get naggy. This i can understand but get the f***ing point. NO THE CAR IS NOT AVAILABLE. The taxi stand is directly below your freaking house. Go pay some cash and go to the freaking airport. I mean even Joel wouldn't put me in such a situation. He would ask me to not come at all. And if i did he won't tell me when he is coming again and where to pick him up. Alright. Whatever. Praying to God makes me feel better but praying is not enough. This shit keeps happening so much that i have had it.

I know it is wrong to pray lesser now that there is more trouble. But talking to God ain't so easy when you are keeping all the insults to yourself. To make matters worst more problems are arising. I guess this is why the oldies made the word "It doesn't rain but pours. Sick. Oh well. Back to hell. Where got mood to go back to school and do my freaking project. Anyway next month 2nd week onwards after grading i guess you can say i'm free from my project but i guess since a sem is gone i still have to pay the freaking fees. Darn them to hell. Damn i'm so tired. I don't want to go anywhere nor do anything. Anyway. I'm going. Byez.

2008-06-04T21:02:00.000+08:00

Pr. Chin say he fear if he can die for God. But as for me. I fear if i have faith in him. So many things has gone by in an instance. Things are going great for me in the worldly sense but now... I find my whole world crumbling into pieces. The best thing God should have done is not create me. Or better yet not create eve. That way Adam won't sin and we won't be here.

I wonder if i even have the courage to work for God more and more.... I'm trying to avoid all work done. Slowly to be forgotten... To be able to get away. But i wonder... Why when things happen it is automatically turned to God... Forget it. Don't think about it. Just sleep. I just want to be alone. I wish i would disappear from this world. Woe, sorrow and pain... It just happens in an instant... Just like when coffee mix has hot water added to it. There is an instead reaction and you have what you want. But now it's the reverse. I don't want the coffee. I don't want this cup given to me. I deny my fate...

I'm not at fault but still i get scolded what's the pointof living i wonder.. Maybe i should have taken my check up later and said i wanted to commit suicide... I hate this place. But i have no one to blame but myself to create such a stupid world for myself. I have no freedom... Enslaved for the rest of my life... Ahhh... Hack. I don't give a damn anymore... I'm going to sleep.

2008-05-26T02:03:00.000+08:00

Woah just played with my friend audition. Man. The Koreans are good players. Hey anyone playing audition ? Add me. I know i'm lousy but add me. I wanna play and improve. Hahaha. Condination is super perfected by playing this game. Now not only can i type fast but i can also type accurately without making much mistakes within a short period of time. Yeah i know telling you the koreans are god light players won't help so here's a video of koreans playing with one another. And nooo.... They are girls.. Well most of them. So to lose to them is a total shame for guys. So guys out there you know what to do arr... LOL...

This video might be blur but who cares the tempo is fast and you can see the purple colour perfects. Man. Don't focus so much on the perfects. Be amazed by all the quick and accurate pressings of the buttons. These players are hardcore. Man. I wish i can hit those numbers. 500000 and above. But for now my aim is 400000. I only got 300000 during my last game. Man... Still far far away from winning. LOL. I used to get like 120,000 for an entire game. LOL. Sick. I remembered i perfected the whole cannon in D free style game. But i can't seem to do that anymore. Hahaha. Oh well. Guess it's more practise i guess. LOL. So S is gonna help me with my dancing.

Glenn has been wanting to play with me Warcraft but it just can't seem to work at the moment we can't connect the games together. So oh well. Yup. Nah wants to play as well. Zi Chao is going crazy with the connection. And hahaha. Oh well. Let's not bother with the rest. I'm getting bored of Cabal. Too much hacking and slashing. LOL. WOW is way much better. More fun as well. LOL. Ok. Moving on.

Today went to TK for AVA training. Wasn't very fun. But i guess it could be better if i wasn't so sleepy. Wanted to go out with Glenn and play pool but he wasn't picking up the phone. Until i got home and started eating at 5.30 pm an hour later. We ended the whole messaging thing at 7 pm. And he decided not to come. I mean like. Come on man. Can't you even talk a full conversation before putting your phone away. We agreed to meet man. Zi Chao wasn't at home when i called. So he wasn't invited. Oh well. If you see this don't worry. We have plenty of chances in the future. Next time it will be the 3 of us playing pool. Trying to pyscho my cousins into playing audition. Man. It's cool. Dance till the sun falls down. Man. I love dancing. Wish i could dance like that in real life. Break dancing popping and locking. Yeahhh baby. I looks so cool. But sure get scolded by my parents if i learnt that. So nvm la. Go learn something else. Will until they die than go learn break dance. LOL. So evil.

Joking. Anyway by that time i break dance all my bones will be crushed. So better not la. Walked the stupid dog in the park. Sometimes i wonder if i walk the dog or the dog is walking me. Dumb mutt. I don't want to strangle you but if you keep running and forcing your way forward it's your choice to die. LOL. Don't blame me if you end up in a dog meat stew pot. LOL. Ok enough of that. I better sleep. Nitez guys.

Oh yeah Lolli. You are beautiful but please don't make your beautiful something ugly. I wish you happiness but please dun F*** with me. Thank you. I said please. LOL. It's polite for friends to say please to one another. Hahaha. Nvm. But seriously. I don't like saying the F word but if you force me i will. So dun see me as a freaking holy boy cuz i ain't one punk.

2008-05-21T20:31:00.000+08:00

What in the world is Zero thinking ? Man... Smart sia that dumbass... Kill so many people just like that. But as i watch the show it's getting more and more fake. How come just nice there got a underwater base to allow him to gain victory over his foes ? Don't tell me crap like god bless him. That is plain rubbish. Man... His smartness is becoming "smartness" to me now. The director is making it too drama already. Oh well. Anyway i enjoy the show. It's rather nice. LOL. Oh yeah there is that kumar show or something on the movies now. LOL... Super dumb man. Err... But for my church friends. I don't think it's spiritually benificial cos it's like too much F*** words or porn thingy for awhile be it guy or gal. It's this a bad show for us. But the yellow jokes are so funny. Plus the terrorist death. LOL. Super funny. But anyway shows are shows. Dun give too much attention to it. Oh yeah it's also a super racist show cos the guys after kumar and his bud is super racist, anyone black cannot be trusted. And Indians are al terrorist. LOL. Sick sia...

Only americans can make such shows. LOL. Singapore make one sure kanna sued by govt. like mad. But also good la, that way the country can be at peace. LOL. Oh yeah have you noticed that people from china are poping out from everywhere ? Sick sia. Singapore ain't singapore anymore. The feeling isn't there anymore with all this china people around. Yes they create jobs but somehow i'm guessing i'll leave singapore for another country instead. Maybe aus if i get the chance to get a job there.

So Lolli, byez. The times spent together was good while it lasted. I'm gonna get a ang mor wife instead. LOL. Sick... Nah forget it. Singapore girls are great. Just that. I prefer Jap. LOL. More compact easy to travel. LOL. Can fit inside a bag pack and bring where ever you wish. LOL. Say until like product like that. LOL. I dunno. Nobody wants to go japan with me sia. All dun want to work and get money to go there. It's my dream to go there. But oh well. So far only got one friend willing to go with me and he is freaking rich man. GO there he enjoy i stay there and eat cup noodles. LOL. Haiz. Maybe i'll go live in japan... Own a hot spring resort and enjoy my stay there. LOL. Boring. Business man still can travel the world. More fresh. Oh well. Nothing to say la. Guess i'll go sleep or something. Super bored.

2008-05-20T00:47:00.000+08:00

Hahaha, It's been a long time since i last blogged. Ok. Here goes. Well remember life is not all smooth sailing. Yep. The wind has just stopped blowing so i'm just stuck in the race. First crushes are always blinding. Man. I'm happy seeing her with her new boyfriend. But she just had to break my heart in a special way. Damn i hate you but all the more i want you. Thank you for telling me sorry you were an hour late. I love you too but another guy just asked me already and i gave him a chance. You should have told me that 3 years ago. You are a great guy. Hope you find the girl of your dreams.

Something like that la can't remember every word on the phone. But the girl of my dreams is you. I just love hearing your voice once again. But it's funny you use the f word like in every freaking line. Hahahaha. Sad you should change man. But who am i to judge. Hope you are loved with your new lover. If there is anything you would like to tell me remember i'm always here for you. Hahaha. Sick la. Break me heart in this stupid way... Could you not say the 1 hr thingy. Just say you found another guy la. Make me regrate about this and that.... Now i'm hating myself for saying i like you..... But at least i finally got it of my chest. But you should have told me that 3 years ago was the final blow man...

Freaking girl... Mimic how i say it and i'll kill you. LOL. Hit is love, scold is dote, so kill is love like mad... LOL... If i use this logic all killers are the best lovers. LOL... K la. Just kidding but i'm serious about the dun mimic sia. I'll find a way to wack you lor. I not like Leo i won't say rape you one. Rape not fun lor. Wack better. LOL. Can destress. Carnal pleasure is for short period of fun. Wack can feel shiok. Anyway i got my other more important reasons to object to rape. Just dun play so wild la you. You never know when you'll get cheated. I'm a man i know the worst. Got my blog already dun anyhow spread lor. Anyway your fault la make me spend so much of my time writting about you. You very big arr. Go away.

Yeah ermm... I wanted to write about yeah. My project got merged so i need to spend extra time in school again. To merge the project need some time. Sick sia. Looks like need to spend money already la. Pay one more sem of money.Just let me go already la. Keep me so long just to suck money sia...

But ok la. Rather fun sia. Play games with Glenn. He super funny when he plays. Play with 2 computer cannot beat one. 2 teams with huge number of players can do separate things due to the same mind they have which is store somewhere in their database. But just ended a game with him. He is starting to get good. LOL. But still play with human players better. Can play ambuse. Just now ambuse also not fun. Computer know what to do already.

In church lei... Forget liao but hahaha. Fun sia. Sleeping over in church is always nice. Anyway super nice la. Alot of things to remember and ohhh... I remember... The dreaded piano... Hymn leading man... I wanted to stop and just go back to sleep. Anyway. LOL. Gotta sleep la. Nitez...

2008-05-04T23:22:00.000+08:00

Funny. Today was like.... Hahaha... I can't explain... It's like... Cloud 9 man... I never slept for 10 hours before.... LOL.... I almost woke up at 3 pm.... Woke up at 11 am but i just went back to sleep after looking at the weather. I started dreaming.... I've forgotten about the details but hahaha. How can i forget the main subject... LOL... Vicky..... Damn you... Didn't expect you would still read my blog. Ok. Don't poke your nose too much wor... Your nose might get stuck at the door. LOL.

Well no use for me to deny anything now. Since it's in the open, so be it. Should have seen this coming. Yes... Spent the whole afternoon just laying on my bed and doing nothing. Played some games installed some files and did my project. So hoping that she'll call me. But for what sia. LOL. She is busy so i should not bother her. I must resist. Damn... I can't take this. I'm gonna blow. I need to do something with my life. I must take up courses and make myself busy. I wanna hit somebody. Kendo is a nice choice. I want to hit people with just a stick. How cool is it to kill someone with a sword. I wish i was back during the days of the samurai. But to walk the path of the ninja or the samurai. To be living in the dark or walk in the middle of the road with a sword ? LOL. Oh well those age is long gone.

I've been watching this anime. Hahaha. My friend says it's sick cause the main character is making use of others. On the contrary i find the main char super smart. Sometimes the weak are meant to die. Stupid people must die. Muahahaha... I see many people who can study. I must admit it's good. To get full marks. But i want to know is how do you apply quick wit with smartness. I admit i'm not as smart. So i want to be smarter. Imagin having everything and anything. But that isn't what i want right ? Hmm..... It's good to have cash and all but i just want money to get what i need and the rest lol... Put into the bank for the govt. to take every month and letting my wife spend the rest. Make sure my kids can go to school with the money i still have and food for our survival. That's all. But i really want to use my ability to the best.

To say i have grown better. I do not believe that, i believe i have a dark side that wishes to explode anytime. To say i wish for God. I think i don't really love God that much since i am starting to lose it already. Trying to avoid going to church. Trying to get out of activities pertaining to God. Closeness ha... Funny. Pray awhile than say you are close to God what a laught. Super lame la. When people complain or pester you to go to church more. You get irritated and want to scold the person for not understanding you. But is that the truth ? Feeling guility in such a way that i prefer denial and switching this denial to complain that it doesn't go my way.

Asked why for suggestions get things like 辛苦你了. Who the hell cares about that... If God says that ok i'm honoured to the max. I'm happy. But from mortals. Who gives a damn. Humans. Nothing about them are even 1% good. Church equal good, right. I don't see anything good in the church at all. Our church members are good ? Are we good ? Search deep into our hearts. Are you good ? Am i good ? Don't give crap like how you define good. You know deep in your hearts, what is good.

Anyway i just feel that human should just be destroyed. So much suffering that it has brought to God. If we are all gone, God will never feel the pain again. We should have been destroyed or we all repent and follow God like loyal servants. To make it sound ugly it will be turning into dogs but would God dress a useless dog ? Would he feed a useless dog ? Yes and why ? Feeling insulted to be called dogs ? The moment we ate the fruit of good and evil we could no long be God's favourate like how it began. Humans. Must disappear if he or she doesn't bring honour to God.

Some people asked if God liked peace we should not join the army. But give to Caesar what belongs to Caesar and give to God what belongs to God. Remember that ? It was a what Jesus taught us. So forget about being a lazy ass and not going to army. Go get tortured for the first few months as a lowly recruit and build your freaking ranks. Not stay as a freaking clark to escape NS by getting a freaking fake medical letter. Hmm.. Guess from my tone you can tell i'm not as good as what bro n has said about me. I'm a freaking loser. Ball-less, i can't even tell the girl i seriously like from the bottom of my heart i like her. Resulting me losing her. Now i found her back and i'm still as ball-less as before. I'm still a loser. How can a loser be fit enough of like someone like her. Someone so perfect. I want a change.

The only thing i feel proud of is getting the HS, an approval of God. He has finally seen me from such a small dot on the earth. But will i let him go for a girl ? I wonder. That makes my accomplishments go back down to zero. I must change... I will not be a loser. I want to be able to answer Pr. C when he ask me if i can put things into his PDA. I want to be able to say YES with confident and not say should be able to. I want to be better. I want to know what i have been learning for the past 3 years. I want to get what i want. With my own abilities. With my own hands.

A loser will always remain a loser if he does nothing about his life. I want to take control of it. I want to maintain getting to be close to God and man at the same time. But now a days making friends equal to sinning, friends like to drink and smoke. Drinking but if it doesn't lead to sin. Ok. But to make things unsafe for my spiritual health, no i will not go. Truely i will not risk my HS and i would rather lose such a friend. Anyway got to do some research and finish my reflection. I guess i need to ponder more about lot of things.

2008-04-27T21:37:00.000+08:00

My heart was beating so fast today. Finally after 3 years i managed to get into contact with L again. LUcky i didn't get to play maple much today since no one wanted to play I got a chance to find my old friends and well yeah friends on friendster. LOL. I guess the plan to kick my addiction of playing games is working so soon Zi Chao and bro nic can stop saying about my game addictions. Ok arr... I quit already hor. Dun say dun have. Dun believe ask Glenn to spot check me.

Anyway today was so boring. I wanted to work on my project but i got bored of working on it and so i played maple but got bored after an hour. So i went on msn, friendster and check on some friends. LOL speaking of MSN i thought L was online so i talked until so fun but it was a guy. LOL. So embrassing but anyway LOL. Talked to L man ! It's been so long since i last talked to L i thought i lost contact with her already but hahaha i found her back a few weeks back. L was busy so i chatting abit before i left L to finish up the project since it was to be submitted soon. I remembered those days. Hahaha it was happy times. Man so many friends i have lost. I wanna find my friends back. What happened ? Just because we got bad results during the O's so we go our separate ways ? Isn't that breaking us apart ? Now we have 3 groups when we meet. ITE, Poly and JC. What the hell.. Why must we group ourselves and make us so far away from one another ? Anyway it's good to find my friends again. They don't see me different from them anymore cos i'm getting out of this sickening place called TP.

So anyway i went on to watch a movie. Walked around. And went to sleep like mad. LOL. Guess i needed the sleep. Chatted with Zi Chao ask him if he wanted to play maple. LOL.. I totally forgot he got exams man. Ok. So good thing one shot kill my urge to play games. Yeah i still have to think about killing the guitar lessons. But it's addictive. LOL. You can play the guitar like mad. Yeah so played the new songs i learnt during my last lessons. LOL. It was fun. But than i was bored so i went online again. And woah L was still online. So we chatting abit more. Lucky. Man. Lucky i didn't anyhow told my friend i'll go with his match making plans with his friend. LOL. Finally what i want is coming true. What i truely desire. Maybe most of the girls i like remind me of her. I want to date them but maybe i just know they are just a fake screen. My feelings are lying to me. I don't really love them. Why do i date girls i don't like ? Was it to cover my feelings for her ? I wonder... How did my feelings die off for her in the first place ? I wonder ...

Ahh for brothers.... Man. I hate this brotherhood thingy rule about giving girls. But since my friend chose her so be it. But it broke my heart to see him breaking up with her 2 weeks later for another girl. Damn. I still remember that feeling the feeling that i so want to hit him when she had left the classroom. How can you hurt her for another girl ? Why must such people exist. How in the world did i ever see in him to call him brother ? Just because he is from my group of buddies ? Brother's are more than that. If you break up because you have nothing in common and cannot get along i have nothing to say. But you broke her heart by 2 timing both girls.

Damn. I was really sad during that time. My heart shattered into a million pieces. Why in the world would such a thing happen... Every time she saw him she would try to control her tears from falling but fails to do so. She would avoid sitting in front since we took the place there. I fought with him so we were sitting far apart. I remembered what i said to her the last time i spoke with L. I was fighting with that ass. I'm not sure if she heard it or not. Maybe her friends hear it and told her that. But i told her to bug off and not bother me. I was pissed off from that fight. Lucky no bruise if not my mom will kill me. Fighting for a girl whom she objects me to date. I'm sure i can change that. Cos i really love her.

That was the biggest mistake in my life. To tell her to bug off when she was already wounded. For the sake of a duty i had in church, i had to go do some church work. I was in a hurry during then so i told her off for bothering me when i was just leaving and shutting down my com. I guess she deleted and blocked me. So just now i talked to her she was like so why are you still talking to me. I felt guility for saying that to her before. Lucky she was just kidding. I didn't know what to say. Hmm... The only person that can make me speechless.... If serene see how i thrash her. LOL.

Anyway this is crap la. So dun care already the past is gone. I'll on talking terms with the ass. But not really so close anymore. LOL. Hmm... Guess revenge will get one to achieve nothing at all. But now, hahaha. My chance is here. I will not let go no matter what. So L get ready cause my eyes have room for none but 4 persons. 1. God, 2. Parents, 3. Family and Lastly and most importantly You. I see it so clearly now.

How do you know if the person is the one ? Hahahha. You don't. But you want to make the person you love The One no matter what. Sorry to those who wants to change my mind about marrying within the Lord. But if the time comes, the time comes. And the time for me has arrived. I want to continue living my life alone but to see her sad again. It just pains me to do so, so i wish to make her happy. I want to walk on the road with her. This is one i can confidently say i commit myself to it and with a lesson from someone else. Ok enough of the mortal life talking now to God.

Some people ask me why everytime i talk about God i'm so emo. But the question i have for you is why are you so emo about yourself but not God ? Come to God dun care come to yourself care so much. Another thing is if you dun care about God why must i care about you ? You pamper yourself but you don't love yourself. God's plans is so beautiful. But yet we don't listen and we go against him time after time. We study God's words for awhile and than we run away from it. We seek the world during that time slot. Most important is stick to God no matter what. If you wish to hack care God, for now hack care. I'll be on to you. LOL. But the time is not now. If you leave God that is the question i'll be on to you now. For they need more attention than that of your situation.

People must grow on the words of God and not just say that they have grown and all that and later just leave. Sometime where we say it's my life. Dun try to take over it. It is like hardening our hearts like what happened in Egypt a long time ago ? Must a life be taken away before we give in ? Would revenge come after that ? I wonder. Anyway you are in charge of your life. So how you decide to spend yes it's your choice. But it's good to spend them on your creator. I'm not sure what's i'm really saying but if i offend others please do give comments. But i believe strongly about what i feel. But if it's concerning my mortal life. Maybe i shall keep my slience for the time being.

2008-04-25T01:32:00.000+08:00

I've recently been digging old songs. While rampaging into all the oldies(sorry for te older people who are viewing this but most of my friends are my age not so young but not so old.... LOL..) i remembered alot of fun stuff i experienced during my childhood. LOL. It was fun. Too bad i can't find the songs that were played on the tape. I really wanted to find the smurf. It's super cool. I love those songs. About dove.

"Higher and higher they sore in the sky. No matter how many miles they have flow not many how many times they have gone but they always come home eventually, always come home eventually no matter how many miles they have flown they will always come home."
That's all i can remember. Not bad hey. It's been over 8 years since i last heard that song so i can remember only those few lines cos i listen to them till i fall asleep in my sister's room so i'm sure to remember those lines before i start to sleep walk around.

But this song has a very important meaning. That is why i like it. Alway come home eventually. No matter how many miles they have flow they will always come home. Sounds nice be it going home from work, or from school or even overseas. One is most comfortable at home. Like heaven. I bet some of us are feeling bored of this life. Like at work. But soon. God will take us home. We'll always come home isn't that right Lord. Hahahaha.

Anyway i keep listening to this song la. For the past few days. Make it look nice so i dun want to copy and write down the whole lyrics. LOL. Hopefully it appears. If not i have to reload this article again. The title as you can see is The Prayer.

The Prayer Lyrics

It's a beautiful prayer to God if we can think for ourselves what can inspire us to pray better that would the best. I pray you'll be our eyes, and watch us where we go. And help us to be wise, in times when we don't know. Let's see. God be our eyes protect our eyes from sin. To watch us where we go, guide our life and protect us from harm. And help us to be wise, to grow in the wisdom of the Lord. In times when we don't know, to prevent us from walking the path of sin.

Let this be our prayer, when we lose our way. Lead us to a place. Guide us with your grace. To a place where we'll be safe. Hmm... Well basically the starting part is to make sure we remember this when we stray away but i think when that happens we won't remember a single thing, but hopefully your best pal will slap some sense into you to prevent God from slapping you himself if such a day were to happen. OK i think we should carry on. To walk in God's grace as he guides us on. To a place where we'll be safe. I hope that place would be heaven. That way there is no way the devil can come and bug you.

Come on man, sin with me. Come to hell. All the actor and actresses are there. Even the porn stars man. See this cute girl/guy. Yeah she/he is in hell, so why not join the rest ? There are so many of us down here enjoying the hot spring.

LOL. One step in and the hot spring gets boiling hot. Before you know it. You are being cooked together with the rest. LOL. Devils like to set traps. And now i find them super smart. The best way to make sin, is do nothing. Yeah peace. No devils no God. People forget. How is this world created ?

They rather believe it's being blasted together in like dunno 1 in how many chances than to believe God created everything. Smart fallen angels. Damn, how to be smarter than them. I don't believe God made us stupid. We are his favourate sia. Created in his image. Cannot throw face right. So we can out smart the devils in some ways. Hmm... Oh well... Dun think so much. Go sleep first. Oh yeah forgot i need to type the church list. Ok. On the double. Byez.

2008-04-21T02:16:00.000+08:00

Hey. Sorry it's been a long time since i last blogged. Hmm.... Lots of things happened during this past few weeks. Mostly stuck glued to the computer just right after church. Oh well but enough of that there is still things that happened. Like medical check up. Meeting soliders with sucky attitude. It's like you have to use common sense to manage to get through the bloody maze. No one will say a single thing. Anyway i'm waiting for my letter to go NS... Gotta finish my project and pass up a new one with improved coding...

Anyway i gotta sleep now.. It's been so long since i last slept so early. But still i have to force myself to sleep after this.

I'll just blog a little.

It just struck me that people's words might strike the bulb and light it up. Like may God remember your work. LOL. What work ? For me working for God is repaying everything he has done for us. But since we are incapable, please give a call to God and ask him for help. In the end we kick God away and say "I'm the one who did the work. Now give me credit." LOL. Human nature. How sad. So of course God remembers our work, he was the one who helped us. Instead of praising the person we should instead praise God.

Credit is all we think of. How to be the best. How to be outstanding so we can be noticed. How to impress my boss. Or even how to impress the girl i like. Useless things. Things of the world. Ha... Funny to think i was so obesses with such things. Girls. What are they. We should not fight for them. God will just give them to us. Anyway don't bother God with such things. Our counter parts will be given a chance to meet us.

Somebody told me to be a man to say it out. LOL. I was angry at first but now i see. But still hahaha. Yep. Thank you for that someone's advise. I have told the person already but not the one you expected. It was someone else. Life is sweet. Now is pray to God not to fall into sin. That is more important that pray uselessly for the opposite party. God will answer but what i want is not for myself. What can i do to make God notice me. Not man. Not my counter part ?

God a person i can not understand and i will never understand. How in the world is He so perfect ? Well.... Don't ask me. I'm puzzled with that question. But i know what in the world is true love. You cannot explain it in words. It's a feeling of extreme happiness. You feel no burden. True love is something only God can give now. So far that is the love i can feel. Straight from the heart. Something warm. The more warm you feel the more you know you are in His favour. Parents can give you love from the bottom of their heart but true love may not be there anymore. Will they die for you ? True love is dying for someone you do not know ? Wrong. We can Never have true love. True Love is what God has given. He died to save people. Which means everyone. Every living creature that walk on 2 legs and talk human language.

So problem solved. On to next question which so far my parents cannot answer me. How to be filled with the HS ? Funny for me to ask this question but i don't think asking by praying to God only will do any good. Since we have decided to walk the path of the light. We have to continue walking forward not backwards. I guess i'll have to quit my duties to adam and stay fully at sembawang.

During BS that was this passage about drinking milk and eating solid food. Bro N says we(Nah and i) have ate solid food already but for me. I don't think so. If i'm eating solid food is because i want to serve. I have a zeal for working for God. But if i have the zeal to work for God won't my whole mind and soul be for God ? I have not made myself in that spirit. To work like hell for God in order to get away from hell and make God happy. Ha. Funny to be saying this but... Yes. i believe i'm drinking milk. I'm a slave to games. Games. Ha. I feel so stupid and weak. LOL. For a game i can rush back from church and play it. I pray 10 mins. I can play 10 hours. If God was a game, i think i'll be the most loyal child of his. But He isn't.

Some how i feel i have put the chains back onto my body. The devils are my master. I am his slave. For game i can lose my life. Be a zombie. I wonder how i managed to get abit of my life back. But now i hope i can continue with a life. LOL... Just need to pray more. Sin to go away... Far far away. If he comes i go. If i go closer i'll tie my leg to God's leg that way i can never go close to Sin. But i fear the day i untie the the medium and cause myself to fall. I know God won't let me. But i will left myself fall once again. Sinking into the depths of hell. In this world. No matter how lonely you feel God is there to make lonely less lonely. In hell. Imagin you are locked in a cold black room. Everyday you cannot talk to anyone, and you are tortured every single moment. Both mentally and physically. You think war is horrible. Wait till you see hell.

I may see things in a bad way. But i know that is the worst case. I do not ever want that path of life to befall upon me. Ever. Anway it's late. Gotta sleep. Sayanara. In 30 days my account will expire, i'll be like a drug addict. Wanting to play WoW. So please kill that part of me soon. Going out and playing less will be a good way to start. So i'll work on my freaking project go to school if i have to. Actually i have to. So yeah..... Just make sure i don't get into air force or navy. Commando or police. No other choice. LOL.. Go GO GO... Byez.

2008-03-21T08:39:00.000+08:00

Long time no see.... Hahahaha.... It's been a long time since i last blog. 3 weeks at least... But well... I guess... Other than the reason of going for a holiday with church, parents, with friends.. And now i'm about to go with my sis's family to ermm... I dunno where... But still malaysia... Sian la... But the other reason would be playing WOW... In case you don't know what WOW is... It's World Of Warcraft... Just typing the full name makes me excited already.

I've woke up and played the game like mad for the past 2 weeks 4 days... 3 days i spent to curb my addiction... I feel so drawn into the game i don't even feel hungry for my daily meals... What in the world i'm thinking ? I have no clue... Just play.. Dun care... Man... Never was there a game that made me drawn into it until like that... In the game world. I am rich and powerful... Well more rich that in the real world.. LOL.. So much so that i'm unwilling to go to church on friday nights or wed service. Faith of mine is easily destroyed... I tried to control but still i see my computer more than i see God... Cut short prayers just for WOW...

It's no wonder why i was scolded by my dad about it. He was saying more like playing for 24 hrs and dying after that. Later it hits me so hard i was speechless... How can i abandon God just for a bloody game ? If i just played game and not see God daily, if he took away the HS would it be worth it ? After so many years of asking and i lose it in a few months... Ermm... Correction weeks... Which is worse... Man... My dad though i was angry since i didn't say anything... But i have been trying to curb it already and i wasn't angry... I was feeling guility that's why i didn't reply him... But he never asked me any questions so i wasn't in the wrong. It would be rude to interrupt words of wisdom... LOL... Maybe it's my excuse but really a voice inside me just screaming to me get a grip and return back to God a few days ago when Glenn told me my soul was chained to the game. Hearing for someone else being glue to WOW so much that the person didn't go to church made me scared. Will i be the game's next victim ? What have i done ? Have i fell into the clutches of the devil ? Why do i get stuck to this kind of stupid situation... My life... No goal... No women... Only WOW... What the hell... Where was the once God you are my everything ? I see the talk with my dad was the 2nd slap i have from God.

More importantly i have not been to singapore church for 3 weeks in a row when i leave in a few mins left. And spiritual meeting some more... I guess i'm so dead... Oh well... I can only hope and pray more than play more... Seriously.. I don't wish to be a forsaken one... It's too fearful... THe thought of losing the HS, will make me cry... Even worst than the day Joel left singapore all of a sudden. Anyway i've gotta log out.. Will blog more about the trips when i find my freaking wire cable.. Ok... GOtta go byez.

2008-02-25T21:21:00.000+08:00

Today Sakai... Wooo... Everyone was so late, no one was on time. Yes... Reached at 2.50 and waited till 3.20 pm.... Than enter into the store... Wait for 10 mins another 2 enter... Another 20 mins 1 came in... Another 30 mins 1 came in 10 mins 1 came in and 10 mins 1 came in... So can you guess how many were there ? I guess not... Total got 4 at my table... Haiz... Sit wrong table... So far from Nah... Yeah and ermm... 4 person at the other table... Next time take the pictures from Bro Ling Qian... LOL... Super stupid one... Make me think of investing on a camera like his... Cool man... Look so fun to take pictures like that...

Anyway it was fun while it lasted... So long serene i know you'll be back so i won't miss you. Anyway i think i got into a quarrel... Wonder why... Oh well.. Girls mood swings... Hahaha... Dun care them la... I won't say sorry althought that's what a christain should do but i think it's not an arguement at all so i'm not gonna care... Yep... Found out some stuff about myself so it's cool. At least i know where to start changing... I also remembered the part where Vicky said Don't judge me... I wanted to say that as well... Now i know why... It's not because you harden your heart which i sliently thought but it because... Don't make use of the same lines over and over again... It's sick to the core... Do you think you are the only one being holy ? Not like i never go for night services plus wednesday services... It's because of the bloody work i'm stuck here... I can't wait to jump out of this cage into church anytime... Sunday sleep like crazy... i wanna start my bible study again... Work and build up sembawang church... So if you say i'm not holy yes... I am not one bit holy... But are you holy enough to tell me that ?

Suggestions can be good but don't take it so emotional... It's not like i'm your dog following your every command.. You say do this and i'll do this... Do that and i'll do that... If i want to be a dog.. I rather be God's dog... Not yours... For he created me and i will forever be his... I like challenges thought... After NS... You'll be sorry... I'll prove to you that... Anyway it's small issue so forget it.. But truely i say to you it will be true... 2 Years... Just wait... Wanna see the ungodly sight of me... There you have it... I don't like to get angry... So dun piss me off with your excuses... Back off... Give room man... I must learn that... back off... Ok... I guess being a preacher is hard work huh... LOL... Sen Kee... Dun wait for me... I guess i'm not cut out for that... I'll just be a passer by... Blessed with God's grace... Anyway.. Today prayer extent for 20 mins cos i'm mad... See la... All your fault... Oh well.. Better go home soon after work... Byez..

2008-02-24T15:02:00.000+08:00

Kiss The Rain

Wonder what it's like to kiss the rain ? I wonder... It's a thing which is hard to imagin. Kiss the rain. Have you ever experienced the rain falling so hard when you were a kid ? Splashing around when your parents are boiling hot mad at you but you just don't have a care in the world. You want to get wet. The rain falls as each tear drop is cold and hard... It hits you but you feel happy for there is water for you to kick around. Your school uniform is getting wet and very soon transparent but what do you care ? Nothing in the world. You are a child and children want to have fun. That's all they care about. I remembered my mom scolding me after that... Because i caught a cold... This piece plays the key to my heart... The one thing that i still remember up to this day... I want to be that kid again...

How do a person kiss the rain ? What does it feels like ? Cold... Wet... Yuck... Remind me of Fresa and Serene sharing the chicken floss bread... Disgusting... Ok nvm... Think of other thoughts... Hmm... Water flowing... Cooling... Refreshing like a fresh mountain spring... Clear and crystal as the water flows down your face... You spotted the rain you want... Hmm... You reach out to grab it but it splatters... It's shape is all gone... Just like life... You see another this time you are not going to make the same mistake... So you reach out and you kiss it... A cool sensation on your lips... As the cold water flow down from your mouth...

Rain can also be a sad thing. For a man to cry the rain is his best friend. For a person to tear a dust could be in his eyes. The rain can make one lonely... One down... Or even cry... Why is that so ? The rain is kind and gentle, it's whether you want to love it or not.... A rainbow will come after a rain... Green trees look refresh after the rain... Beautiful flowers bloom... Each kiss is like a dream come true... But a dream will last while you are still blinded in your sleep. Till the day we awake into our true form will we really realise what we have. True happiness.. During than hahaha... No such thing as women... Yeahhhh... We are all spirits.... LOL.... Fun sia can fly in the air... Do whatever we want... free like a bird...

The rain... Maybe if God permits i'll die a rainy death... To sit in my rocking chair and pass on... While the rain beats onto my face... Hahahaha... Rainy days are the best... Cold... Soothing sound of rain... With an echo of thunder... It's like a swan gracefully swimming and a crow singing... A pity... The rain... A sign of happiness... Without it farmers will weep at the thought of a bad harvest this year... Food and money to survive... With what they have sowed they reap...

Without the rain... There would be no lakes.. Without the lakes there would be no rivers... Without the rivers there would be no ocean. The land will be dead... Things will die... Water makes up 70% of the human body... Would you kill to have water if your land turns into a desert ?

Treasure what we have... Even rain... The sun can keep us warm but it can also burn us. Treasure the things we have now. Before it is all gone... The wind that helped send my kite up into the sky.. It was fun while it lasted. I do like those big winds... Followed by the heavy rain... Hahaha... Dancing in the moon light... Playing with friends... Guys are more fun to hang out with... We can stay slient and yet have the night of our life... Women are just plain noisy... Dun care them... Anti-female... Yeahhhh.. Kick Serene out of singapore... Than party all night long... I need to find myself once again... After this attachment... I wanna go back to my former self... One that things more than he speaks... I find more peace in myself and less troubled if i do that... Now i have no choice but to program myself to speak more... Be a leader.. If it's wrong dun follow me... If it's right choose if you want to follow me... Everything is up to choice... Slacker rules... Pool is the only way i can find joy in playing... Be better and get better...

Jokes are getting lame... I guess i'll stop the joker kind of attitude from next week onward... It's not funny anymore... I want to study more and upgrade the AVA system for the church... I want to say i did it... I have tried to help God with his work... You will not be disappointed in selecting me... I will make you proud... I want to buy some things to upgrade the computer for God. If anything can help our faith... I am willing to do it... I wonder why the faith is dropping.. We are all getting worldly... We come to church for a session a week and yet we sleep during the sermon and go home after eating...

What is my goal in life ? I don't have one i guess... The world is nothing but a big disappointment... Friends are for nothing... Bros is what i have now. Yet i'm feeling i'm treating them badly and not giving them enough attention... Babies are the joy in my life... Seeing them sad will make me sad... Watching them have fun makes me happy. But i want to be free without troubles just like them... I have to think about life during my holidays... What i want to become and do... Will it affect the duty i'm entrusted with ?

I wonder how people corrupt their sense of justice, their sense of fairness ? It just isn't right... What in the world am i suppose to do ? Why is no one in the world make me feel like God is with them ? Very feel people makes me feel the way i feel in prayer.... And yet i feel so weak... Even if God is in my prayer... Even if he is beside me... My heart is always weak... Why do i feel that way... I can never catch up with others... I can not be more faithful than others... But what i want is not being more faithful than others... It's an impossible dream but i wish to have it... God.. I want to be like you... Never changing... If i say i love you... I really want to love you and not change with the course of time... I don't want to be bonded by time but yet as a mortal i cannot change such a fate... But even if i'm chained with time.. I want to waste this time on something i can do for you... And not something i will do for the devil... I want to spread my wings and fly with you... Not sink and fall away from you...

If the world feels so far from you... What more hell ? Isn't that even further... Where by then if i call upon your name, thy hand will not be able to stretched out to me.. For you have spoken and it has been done as you willed it to be... Take this curse away from me... Let me serve you... For it is you who have helped me become a better person and it is you who will make me greater... Let my temple be cleanse... Let me be blameless against you. For i curse my fate in this world as it is not where i'm suppose to be..... Let me write this words in my heart and not only in my blog. If no one sees this let you see it only... If others sees this let them be edified...

Shannon

2008-02-22T11:34:00.000+08:00

Woahhhh Chill man... My previous post was too hot... The flames was like burning man.. Calm down... LOL... God is there dun care so much about this world.. Save as much people as possible.. I was browsing Youtube and woah i got this nice clip. I'll paste what the writer's message below the clip... Remember to watch first than see the message... If not spoil the fun. LOL..

In a devestated world by men,
the only glimps of hope is the memory of a forgotten past.
But be careful not to let your dreams control your mind...

The next one too cheesy... But it give hope la... Why must be girl save the guy sia... Anyway Enjoy...

A picture paints a thousand words. What more a movie without any words.. It's up to your imagination to run wild...

In an abandoned city before a tropical storm,
a woman decides to stay...
Through this film,
our ambition was to portray a particular ambience
and feeling more than a heavy storyline.

Now for the hardcore games.. This is my goal for the holidays... Train Starcraft...

2008-02-18T18:08:00.000+08:00

Man i'm so pissed.... What the hell... What kind of project manager do i have ? She is so lousy at what she does man... I was thinking of a nice get away.. And now i have to work another week ? Why must work another 1 week when it's already been settled that i end this week ? Anyway i think i need to look for brother Nic to see if he has anything i can help him to do that i can use and present to the higher ups. Man... This is sick.. I fought with my boss over the date that i'm suppose to leave. I think she must be stunned since i never blown up before... But when she blows up and starts shouting the only way to counter back is to make her have nothing to say. It worked, so she was damn pissed with me that day. Childish... If you have the ability and walk straight you won't be so freaking scared.

She is a crap talker man... Since day one... Tolerating her rubbish is good enough but now she is delaying the day that i'm suppose to leave. What the hell is that gonna prove ? If you don't have the ability you don't have what it takes to be a leader. I will surpass you... Watch and see... Leaders admit their mistakes and improve on them.. Not cover their butts and run away during trouble. Asking others to solve your mistakes.

Anyway. Forgive and forget... I got Bro nic help and would be going to church this sat to see if i can install the programs needed... Thank God during my saddest moments when i'm down someone is there to talk to me... No thanks to my cousin... Man.. My sis doesn't have a bloody boyfriend la... You choose a bloody gossip instead of concern... LOL... Ok.. I've seen it all... God is my only hope... He hears and comforts me...

Talking with SS did help abit, although it what i know i should do but i just felt lost during that time... I never fought with a boss before.. How should i react ? I have no clue, what do i do from now on ? Have i worked so hard for nothing... Thanks R for the concern you really did help me out bro... LOL... But that won't change me from saying Jokes about races.... LOL... But you're a great help... Dun worry if i managed to borrow my dad's car... I'll take you to NUS... LOL... Maybe by then the project is over.... Hhahahahaha... Stupid la... If the management in TP didn't sux so much we are project buddies liao... I won't get stuck in such a stupid situation... Man... J was like ooo... Got scolded so good i want also cannot... Sian la... Is it really his IQ low or is he irritating me... So how i wanna kill him for that.... But cannot blame him.... He is rather ermm... LOL... Poor thing... Des was more like... Hey go smoke... When go drinking together... In fact he looks worst than when we last met... More like a drug addict... Damn it... Should have helped him longer... Haiz... The the friends i have got worst when i do not often meet them... Why ? I wonder...

After the prayer when my conversation was cut short with SS. It felt better... So i had a good night sleep and yep... Gone... I was having a nice long sleep. enjoying my late day... Yep... Nothing beats night shift. You got the night owl mode still switch on... LOL... Just like a holiday without the holiday part... LOL... What am i saying... Anyway... I sat on the bus after i woke up... And i remembered... What i missed out in my prayer... After so long of questioning... I finally got it. I was praying so hard... So that God will stay by my side aways.. I want to feel a strong presence of God.... I wanna shine as bright as the stars... And even stronger than the sun... I wanna be better than Moses... Better than Peter... I want to be the next person God loves the most. I didn't want to lose God.. I fear losing God.. I was overjoyed but i forgotten about God and had grown cold... That's why i'm not moving forward... Instead i'm taking 4 step backwards each day... why 4 steps backward if means death in chinese... I'm walking into the pool of death... The devils are treating me kindly to follow them... Thus i walk into the shadow of death... I find the life of sin easier for me to follow than the road of righteousness...

Many testi has already shown... Those with the HS might not go to heaven... We might fall... Anytime... Every step we take... Every move we make... But if you are scared of walking... To be serious... It might not sound nice but GIVE UP... If you are lazy... And do not wish to change... GIVE UP... Seriously God cannot help you if you do not wish to help yourself... Tahan.... Get your ring of health to boost your mind making you a healthy and strong willed person... And later get your void stone... Void off all the sins of this world and not follow it... When this two items combine you get perseverance to tahan the ways of this wicket world... That is the secret recipe to gaining your first step as a warrior in the battle for the Lord. If you want to know more about the items please ask Alvin... Thank you... I not a very good dota player anymore so ask him... See how gamers can relate to God through your god-light experiences... Ok gotta run... BB.

2008-02-14T10:48:00.000+08:00

Happy Valentine's day.... This is the time where the shops will suck up your money dry... Make your wallet empty... And get you fat by eating all that chocolate... So do you still wish to spend Valentine's day ? Hmm... Giving gifts to friends is a good thing but it doesn't need to be given on special days made by man.... It should be from the heart...

When you eat it's not about what food you eat that is so important... That would be secondary... The primary key point is who you are eating with... That is the main objective... Something that can taste bad could be sweet depending on who you eat with. Example would be when you first cook your first meal for your family and it taste like... Ermm.... S***(censored in case children sees this)... Yeah and they force it down their throat... LOL... But although it taste awful and you know it yourself. You feel happy. Hahaha... Although after that they will comment that it su**s... Man... But at least got happy for awhile good enough liao... Muahahaha.... Speaking of food. LOL.. Check out this pics i found...

The melon turtal
Makes me think about Finding Nemo

The banana snake
Guess that's how the devil tempted Eve...
LOL... He pop out of a banana..

The Kiwi Frog
So poor thing
It looks like he had a sour life

The Chicken Fruit
The fruit looks familiar but i cannot distinguish what fruit it is
But i guess i won't be eating anytime soon

The Penguin Brinjaw
Looks cute man...
But sure get eaten by polar bears or sharks.. LOL..

The Tomatoe Horse
Man... It makes me wanna puke my guts out
Creative so i guess i'll give it a 10/10 for helping slimming centers

The Banana Dog
LOL... Doggy !!!
Cute man... Should have used a dog as the angel to fight the stupid devil snake... So cute...

I don't really find this funny
but i guess i might have some friends that like this kind of things

Well that's all folks... Time to hit the keyboard and start working... I think if i hit it hard enough i'll break the keyboard and i won't have anything to do... Muhahahaha... OK lame... Byez...

2008-02-12T23:04:00.000+08:00

The SMARTEST thing a foolish man can do is to love God
The DUMBEST thing a wise man can do
is to prove God doesn't exist
The LUCKEST thing a sinner can get is to know God
The WORST thing a man can do is to forget about God

This were the words that i suddenly got inspired to write. Man... When you are more to the world... The more will you miss God... Well... Back to my project... Byez.

2008-02-10T00:56:00.000+08:00

Today it was a rather funny day... It's like... Wake up at 12 pm just to watch ghost show la... Than watch half way got to drive to church... LOL... Actually nothing much... I was having fun, went for service... Hmm... A time for everything... Have i done anything right in my life ? I wonder... The feeling of just getting out of church is so easy.... I bet if i go out now no one will know... Just assume i go to the other side... LOL... Oh well... Forget about that thought... Think so much for what... Just don't care bah...

Church... Spring... A time of new beginning... 青春... The reason is because it's the time where it's brightest and most colorful part of our lives...新年 or 春年 is the beginning of the new year... When the crops are being planted.... It is where we buy new things and throw the old things... Or clean up the old things we have so that it will look new. LOL... That part nearly made me sleep... But the later part hit me so hard.... Winter is like what every Singaporean wants... Hahahaha... We even joke about it. Yeah right... And Singapore will snow... We want the cold since all we have is only rain or shine... But winter is like cold... So cold that you may hibernate. Creature that hibernate may look as if it's dead but it's alive and kicking... Just that they have fallen into deep sleep. Man.... Have we felt like that before ? I guess that's what i'm feeling now... Work... It's my life. God ? Where in the world is He ?

I guess Shi Sang's nick is the best... Further from man... Closer to God. Away from the world will result in talking to God face to face... Man... Have i went into hibernation ? I don't even know when i enter into hibernation.... That's bad... Oh well just as my dad said... Even if i walked into the road of hell i will not know it and continue ignoring God's call and walk into the road of death... Sad... Oh well.. No point thinking now... If i'm to thread on God's path i must heed his call Oh well.. No point thinking so much... Sleep first.. These few days play game until 6am... LOL... Sure monday cannot wake up for work... Hahaha... Oh well.. Dun care la.. Always cannot go back early keep on doing OT and no money... I need to earn more money... Wedding... School Fees.. Phone Bill... All need money.. I don't want to take anything from my parents... They have given me alot and i want to give them back the same... If i can do anything to help them in anyway or keep them happy... I'll try my best to help out.... Anyway now keeping myself close to God again must be done right away.... Slacking will not help anything... It will make things worst... I'm gonna work on it for tomorrow onwards... Now i'll just play my games.... LOL...

Today drove to church and back... LOL... Sian la... But rather fun experience every time we do that... Really need to thank God for his protection.... 2nd time while i driving already... Man...Super protection... I should have died a long time ago... I have escaped death twice... God has given me the chance to live longer... Will i disappoint him ? Man... I can't drive to places i don't know at night... I'll die if i drive at night... Oh well... Don't think so much... Just be grateful...

Man... Suddenly during mid night i got the lamest sms i ever had.... LOL... Somebody sms me ask me why my name is called Shannon... Actually simple la... My Jap name lor... Just nice i cannot type the full name in Dota so just use Shannon... And that's how my name came about... Shannon... Sad man... Shannonnii was the actual plan... Anyway just to let that person know...

Wine is a good thing.. Just don't drink so much... Some people can drink alot some people cannot. Best is to have 1 glass a day before sleeping... Hahaha... That way you can sleep so peacefully... Hahahaha... but remember to pray before you drink if not you KO at the wrong time... LOL... Anyway today rushed back for steam boat la... Sian... I thought can slack at home and sleep for a day... But it's best i drink at home... That way if i KO i KO at home... LOL... Like that i cannot sin.... Hahaha... At least not sin unto death... Cos the first place i go is my bed... LOL... Smart right... Hahaha... But if want to drink with friends 1 cup will do... No more... For guy if they drink it's Ok... The most you lost everlasting life... LOL... That is if you can afford losing it la... For me forget... Don't drink better... LOL... For girls.. man... You lose everything bah... So forget it best don't drink at all... Get ready pepper spray if you drinking... LOL... Don't anyhow take taxi... Alot of drivers at night take advantage of girls if not careful... You sway than kanna those kind sian lor... Hahaha... Anyway... That was not what i wanted to say... So nvm... Can't remember what i wanted to say since i lack so much sleep but anyway take care man.... Happy New Year... I go sleep liao... nitez... Oh yeah play pool... Nearly lost... but still got 1st place... LOL... I don't settle for 2nd on new year... Maybe birthdays but not special events... I want to remember it well by making it a good game... LOL... Anyway... Really gotta sleep.... Nitez...

2008-02-03T13:11:00.000+08:00

Hahahha... Guess where am i now ? It's a sunday and i very rainy and wet day... LOL... Work... Yeah... But not so bad la... Very little work... So not much people here... LOL... It's like i own the place... Hahahaha... Shiok... Yesterday i think i was very tired... I keep sleeping and sleeping... So bored with my life... Can't i be like before... When i want to go out.. I just leave the place... Play batminton or something.... Having lots of fun....

But it's cool... You know... Wandering around the place is cool... So many places to see... I bet if we all gather and play catching on the 5th floor some of us might never make it out... LOL... Joking.... But if you don't have a pass than so sorry... Hahaha... You confirm cannot run away from the catcher.... Actually not bad... Should organize a game of catching in a haunted house or something.... So much space and nobody goes one... Sure it's kinda creepy but who to blame... Women don't do housework what can men do ? Of abandon the house and find a new one la... Let the devils take control... Like he very big like that... Give him a piece of land when there are homeless people in other parts of the world...

Anyway it was so cool man.... I love the place... I sort of got my bearing wrong but i managed to find out so many exits la... Seriously if there is a fire... We can all escape... Except the exit for the first floor is abit small so squeezing would be a nice option... Ran up and down the place... LOL... trying to find all the funny places... Managed to go to some places and empty places where no one goes... So nice... So peaceful... Anyway i'm gonna watch some shows to wild away my time... Since i'm so free and i did everything already... I guess i can play some game and spend my lonely time having fun... LOL... KK.. Dun talk liao... You should see it for yourself... If you are not working the place could be very beautiful to go to and visit... Hahahaha... Blog again tomorrow... Byez...

2008-01-31T22:01:00.000+08:00

Ahhh...It's been like 4 months already...I've yet to find the entry to that freaking pool table i see at work... Every night when the sun is down... A dim flickering light is shone right out of that beautiful room.... The pool table... With the cues waiting for me.... The table to crying out play me... Play me... The voice is calling out to me... Every night i can only watch as the dim light shines within that empty room... The glory of that table has not been used... It yearns to be put into better use... Instead of being cooped up in that steamy room.... The table yearns to be back in it's glorious state... Where is was once used all so often... Where people will gather and laught while they wack the balls into the holes... And they praise each other... You are good... Oh man... Those good old times...

Yoush... I"m pumped up... Exercise like crazy this Chinese New Year... Yes... Full day work out... Morning run... Afternoon... Weights... Evening some piano and lastly after dinner pool... I must train my skills... To be able to do that dancing on the ramp.... Woahhh.... I still cannot make it dance back and forth... But at least it's going the right way... Hahaha... It rolls on the ramp and than falls back onto the table before hitting the ball into the hole... LOL... Cool..... I think I'll do 300 push up on New Year Eve... 400 on New Year and 500 on Friday... Than after that i think i won't be able to use my hands for awhile... LOL... Diet plan number 1046... LOL... No la.. Just a stupid name...anyhow make up... But i'm gonna go on a diet... Man... I can't believe going to poly has made my grown by 10 kg... I need to drop back to my old weight... I got better looking cloths to fit in if i lose that amount of weight... OK... Now got 1 month left... Chiong... LOL...

Actually i think body building is nice... But if i body build until so big size... Not nice la... In the car... Not a nice feeling... Like no space like that... LOL.. So just slim down liao can already... Yep Yep... I think that will do... Don't care so much about muscles... If i work out naturally it will go down... LOL... So i will push my body to the limit... Do a 3 day purging system before i start the diet... Eat veg for 3 days... No meat... Starting this friday... Which is tomorrow... Veg diet... Drinks... Who cares... LOL... Tea will do fine... Sunday since no time to go church got work... I guess go for a quick run... Than go work... So irritating... But at least i get my monday off... Hahahaha... Anyway.... Tomorrow got to wake up early to attend this stupid career seminal before we go back to SPH...My teacher is coming tomorrow and i don't think it's for a spot check... And i guess get scolded for taking MC and all those crap that followed up.... Man... This is shitty.... I don't want to stay back for another sem just because of this shit...

Anyway... Stay on a bright side of life... I don't want to be late for the freaking NS la... Already way behide schedule.... I wanted to do so many stuff but because of attachment cannot do... Just when my work is taking flight.... All this shit have to happen... Man... Because of work.. I can't sleep well... Worried something wrong might happen in the website... LOL.... Oh well... Anyway after Chinese New Year got 2 more weeks.. I don't feel so excited... I feel like i want to explode... Tioman... I yearn for you... LOL... Byez.. Can go home from work already.... BB..

2008-01-28T01:14:00.000+08:00

Ok.... I'm here at last.. Well Firstly... Woke up at 1 pm... LOL... Impossible right... But wait... Yesterday i went to Serene's house with the gang ok till 1 plus than reach sen kang... Than walk home 30 mins... Before i settle down and watch anime... LOL... Sick la one piece is killing my life... I'm addicted to it after watching 1 stupid episode at work... Why must work be boring... Anyway back to the topic.. We went shopping for food... While Nah and i were talking crap since we didn't enjoy shopping at all... Even if it's for food... I still hate shopping... Lucky my mom isn't like serene... I have confidence in her skills of selecting fresh food. Even for a student who studies food science... Well can't say i trust her judging of food they just know what is need for a healthy diet... But when we gather i rather just not care and buy more meat... LOL... How rarely do we get to eat together like that.... So we had a boring shopping trip spent like eternity over there... Suddenly LQ appeared... LOL... So we went back to Serene's house.. Stupid right go people's house... The mistress of the house doesn't know where things in her house are... LOL... Not her territory was her excuse... LOL... What's worst... The plug was too short... Ask people can bring over extension before LQ and Nah had to run down and buy it... Oh yeah they brought back ice cream and soft drinks... LOL... Yeah so the water boiled and yeahhhhh finally started...

We guys were like sharks waiting for meat to appear... LOL... LQ was like chicken... Than he ate any of those he saw... His chicken sounded like the fish saying "Bubbles... My bubbles...." in finding Nemo... LOL... Serene even mistaken it for being a different language (Japanese).... LOL... Funny... I was looking for pork balls... But the crab stick did the trick of being the replacement.... Man.... Pork balls are way cheaper than beef balls... And so much some more la... Man... It's sick... LOL... First time i saw a steam boat flooded with greens... Man... I was like trying hard to eat them... But later just gave up and played Dota for awhile...

Yeah had to rush home... But had lots of fun la... Walking back was nice.. In the night no one is there... The winds blowing at your hair... Ahhh... Life... Everytime i walk down that stretch of road i feel so happy... LOL... reminds me of going to Compass with ZX just to buy a curry puff and big gulp from old chunky and 7-11 a store and more... LOL... Than we just walked back... By the time we got back... Everything was eaten up... LOL... So happy... Less than 3 bucks can make a person so happy already... LOL... The field is what makes me happy... It's like those show downs.. Man... Two sword men are standing in the field... Drawing out their katana's they rush to face each other with god like speed... LOL.. The sound of blades clashing against each other till their edges are course and sparks are flying out of them... Trying their best to make sure there is no opening for each other to make at advantage of the situation.... They swing their blades with all their strength until one loses in stamina... The victor sees and opening and did the finishing move... Slicing his opponent into half... He swings the blood off his shiny blade... A blade drenched with a thousand souls... As he beautiful take up his stance placing his blading into the throat of his scabbard in one smooth movement... As his opponent falls to the ground lifeless... LOL... Ok too much details... Back to my life.. Yeah i feel happy walking there... Pleasant memories before i enter the army... LOL..

Yeah so i was watching anime this morning... When i was also on msn... Talked to a few people... Yeah... feel guility that i overslept this morning... So i said i'll go for the bible study in AMK... IN the end it's at braddle la... Next time do believe what that someone says lor... Still say near my house... It took me almost more than an hour to get there and go back... Yeah ok scratch that... Not worth being unhappy over time that is already wasted... Anyway today almost click the log out button at 4.47pm.... My fingers were about to touch the sign out button when an icon pop up appeared... LOL... Guess who is it ??? LOL... Wait forget it... I put on my tag board already so no point... Not fun liao.. My dad was like the church brothers are here why don't play pool with them ? LOL... Man.. I was watching my anime lor... So addictive how to ask me to leave the place... Like if you give a girl a whole set of dvd of the show she is currently catching every Saturday night she sure to watch finish the whole series before she even got time to sleep and go to work the next morning... LOL...She makes sure she gets 6 hours of sleep instead of the normal 8 hours of sleep she has just for that few days to finish up her drama... She arr... That KJ... So forgetful sia... really reminds me of Jon lor... Say finish can ok with you like crazy than forget about it... Biang... I wonder who marries her will be one lucky guy....
KJ: Where you go out ?
Husband: Err... ERmm... I went to my mom's place... LOL.. You forgot ? Ahh...
KJ: Is it ? Hmm...
Husband: Yes you must have..
KJ: OK...
Husband: (Whisper) Wow... Lucky she forgetful.. LOL... I was play PS3 the whole night with my friends la... Hahahaha....

LOL.... I think i need to get out more often ... Nah.. I think i stick to pool better... My skills for pool is way better than dota at least... LOL... But also a big gap between the skills that i used to have... LOL... I didn't realised it till just now what i played with Azerial... Even if i don't aim... I usually can wack the ball to the position i want if i missed the hole.... Man... This time... Never enter when i wanted it to enter... Make me look cool... In the end almost enter.. LOL... So throw face... LOL... I felt like killing myself... Wanted to give him win la... Since he is the guest... So i try not to hit everything in lor... Pretend to miss the first ball.. Man.. If i manage to get a pro to play with me i won't miss that lor.. He said play with me stress.. LOL... I lost to him what ? First round... I cleared all but one and accidentally hit the black ball in... So i lost... Yep... Hahhaha... Can la.. I can settle with that... play with noob must be at a noob level... I also noob la. Cannot win those who can clear table... LOL... Man... Those people are good... Well what can i say ? I played with the best in school... I got a table to play everyday at home... Most of my friends hang out in clubs playing those games... Outside when i play they play punch and get others to treat them...

Pool is a man's game... LOL... All the chicks flock to you if you are good... You just need to be good... LOL... If you know what i mean... Confirm can get girls if you learn to master jump ball... LOL... Remind me of that time nearly got 2 girls number... But got dragged out by my friends for flirting (thank you arr)... What lor... Give them a chance mah.. Dun always shy shy one... Can get more friends to play pool with us la... If not always play with one another... Very bored lor... I need people who can play well... I want to be better... Not stay like this forever... My bro-in-law always gets better... Hahaha... This new year confirm win him... Start training now... If not he give me a trashing for beating him for 6 months last year... And getting back my title of champion like... ermm...6 months ago from now ? Around there... Wow... Imagin la.. I 4 month never play pool already... Haiz... My skills are lost... My jump balls was perfected but forgotten... My aiming is bad.... I cannot judge where the balls will land if i missed... And the worst of all things... I didn't managed to do combo... Like suddenly clear the table with 1 ball left ... LOL... I used to be able to stun my Bro-in-law with that move... Especially when my 2 bro-in-laws verses my sis and i... LOL... We start planning... But my sis don't listen... Haiz... Play so long should know mah... Sure enter in hole if you hit that one... See the angle mah... LOL... It's our honour we are defending... LOL...

Best was go to the club and play pool in malaysia... Randy's friend... Man... He is good... Confirm give me chance one.. Still say i'm good... Don't bluff... You're the real man... Can block my attacks and defend some more... All i do is do the same thing la... Do a double push.. And block the black ball put it in a funny location so he can't hit it in... LOL... Other than that i'm powerless against him... The world has more powerful people... I wanna win them all.. For the fun of it... Since i love the game... LOL.. Cool... Go malaysia see got anyone playing the game... I wanna dominate the place... Genting no body place la.. Only those Ang Mo..... Sian la... So lousy one wack forever also not inside... I should have went out to the arcade and play some games before playing some outdoor sports for an hour or so before returning for the table... Haiz... Oh well..... They love the game as well.. So cannot take the things people like away from them... I'm just not a person with lots of patience... I dislike people who breaks their promises... That's why i hate myself... Since i'm starting to break my promises... I hate working... I hate myself for not being able to control my life and do the things i like... As and when i want just like before...

Man.... Sinful... Thou shall not lie... And there i am... Guilty as charged... Haiz... Lying to get out of trouble... Don't lie also get into trouble... Rather lie and get into less trouble... LOL... But sometimes tell the truth will make people angry... Get scolded... So how ? I wonder the people doesn't want to hear the truth and doesn't like people lying to him or her.... What to do ? Picky sia.... Oh well.. No choice la.. Anyway now quiet late liao.. I'll think and reflect tomorrow... tonight get some rest first... Nitez...

2008-01-23T20:59:00.000+08:00

So sad right ? Watching this... This is a dog found at East Coast park... It was beaten and has a scare right across it's face... It's body is bloody and it suffers from a skin disease... So sad lor... What kind of owner....

This is the reason why i hate humans.... They are selfish things. I really wish i was not made... To see such inhuman stuff... Thinking my life sucks... I think i should look at others instead... Their life sucks more than mine... Friends who laught at my life during poly year 1 and 2 who are not in poly are regrating that they had laughed at me before... Now they are eating their words... But don't rub salt into their wounds lor... They are feeling bad enough already...

There are 2 types of bro that i see... One who call you bro my mouth and try to take advantage of you all the time... You know who you are... LOL... I dun think those people have my blog URL... Ok... The other kind of bro is those who respect you... How rarely do you get to find the later ones ? Lucky for me i found those that i really love, people who really cares for me... It took me so long to see... Who are real friends in this world... Bros... stick with one another to the end... Even if they are apart they will still think of each other and care for one another no matter how far they are... They will still talk and see each other one day...

Many things may seem cold on the outside but i'm sure... Very sure... Love is there... We might even give our life for each other... Like the title god is not easily given to a person... So does bros... I do not give such title to mere mortals... They have to be special people... People i trust and love dearly... I'm sorry for not informing my bro and those close to me that i was removing my appendix... I was too scared... I was thinking i was about to die... The hospital bed had the smell of death in it.... People scream in pain... People being moved out... I wonder... Did they got better or did they die.... It's a terrible sight... Hospital visits are nice... But staying there for 1 week will make you want to die all the more.... In my mind... I was thinking it's ok... I should just die a slient death... No one will know... No one will care... Bro.. Is there such a thing ?

But when i see J's angry face when he asked why i didn't inform him.... Just than i knew... Who cared... Who was the real bro... People... Those i meet in school... Call each other bros... But if one of them enter the hospital... Another new "family" will join the gang... ZX gave me an sms before i was pushed into the operation table... Take care... LOL... He wanted me to go mall with him... Oh well.. Sort of funny... I was going to die and people ask me to go mall.... LOL... Funny... But that shows how long we have been going out with each other already... The question is how long more do we have the chance to go out with each other ?

Having a job is sickening... We already lack the time to sleep what more keep each other company.... Man was the worst thing God created... And in his image some more... How much have we disgraced God.... I'm sure he knew and i think he hopes for something in us to be lighted up... To be able to listen and do what is good... Is being good such a bad thing ? Now a days the good boys get mocked... Wah so good are listen to your parents chicken... Dunno how to object.. The seed of evil is being planted already.. To give this darkness sun light will help it to grow... Fighting in the family will occur... That is a way to prove he is not a good boy....

In my time there is no such things... The parents now are getting evil... People are getting evil... No one cares or even give a damn.... Which is a bad thing... Do not be sensitive but be sensitive to others.. That is the key... Well i gotta go... It's getting bloody late... Nitez...

2008-01-22T10:09:00.001+08:00

Yesterday was too tired to blog after coming home from work... So just came online and seek some entertainment by chatting with people until i sleep. Hmm... I wonder why i was so unwilling to blog. Yes all was as usual, the same history repeats itself. The guy is finding a way to escape to his benifits. I don't really give a damn already... Sometimes Nah's words are right... Dun care... Seriously don't care can make a person so happy at times... Just don't care... I can't go church.... I can't do anything by see as the sun set beyond the glass windows we have over at my working place... It's getting dull... I'm getting kinda bored with such an environment... Seriously dull... I wanna go on a holiday... Take leave and enjoy my holidays...

Just than hope arrived.. Ermm.. From today counting... It's 1 month 3 weeks and 2 days left before the holiday starts... LOL... The days are decreasing each day... So all i have to do is make my planning now and get it done ASAP... Finish my job and present to the people what we are doing... Graduate and get the bloody hell out of school.

Anyway sleeping in sermon is bad.. I deserve getting stoned for doing that 3 thrice last week... I need more sleep instead of forcing myself to do things and than sleep during sermons... I don't get to eat the full course meal that way... It's not helping my spirit grow at all... Somehow i need to wonder has the devil got a chain on my neck already ? It's one step to falling out of Church... It's bad the worldly things are getting to me... Is that what my parents have been telling me like donkey years ago ? The world will get you as you grow up... Such a sinful world... I can't say it hasn't gotten me... Look how long it took me to realize i have the HS ? It was so tiny as well.... Hard to hear... Even till now... So i can't say i have not sin... Maybe anger.... I'm not sure so far i managed to get out of sight with those Ah Ma wearing mini skirts so i'm safe from lust at the moment... Call them Ah Ma cause they are way older than me... Not pretty as well... LOL... OK... That's not the point... Anyway.... Anger is certainly a problem for me now... But i guess don't care is the solution... I'll not care... I'll not interact... I'll not do anything to talk to him... Since he just leave the place without telling anything... I'll not give a damn to him either...

Haiz... Why must i meet such stupid people... They really are a dread... If i work with friends i can understand... him... man.... I won't understand even if i could... Love your enemies.. I wonder how... God.. You are the best.. I wonder how you do things... Why must we eat that bloody fruit ? I think if i was adam... i will eat the fruit eventually... I can't stand temptation at my door steps... Either i cut the tree down and burn it away or else i'll just run to the other side of the garden to stay... Anyway... Either way is good... Get rid of the core and there will be nothing left... Why adam so lousy never realised that... Could he be a dumb m ? or a lazy i ? LOL... Speak of that... Hahaha... The bird park...

A bunch of i came to take a family photo... LOL... Serene was like saying so dark how to see ? I told her patience is the key, wait for the sola eclipse to end first before we start taking pictures again... LOL... When you see them eating burger and ketchup splashed out you can't help but wonder if they bite they hand by accident.. LOL... Anyway enough of that... it's getting boring repeating the same things over again... It's been like 5 years since i last enjoyed those jokes.. It's getting cold for me...

Anyway... Yesterday at work managed to get D to talk to me but it was doing dinner time so i didn't talk to D at all.. Man... Wanted to talk so much since we have not been talking to each other for some time again... Man... Sick... Oh well... I cannot remember why i sms k but i sms already and started moving on to age for some unknown reason.... Hmm.... Why did it stray off to that topic ? I wonder if my niece is the reason why i'm talking such crap now a days... I'm talking random questions and i'm not sure why i'm talking like that in the first place... I wasn't like this before... Why is there such a change ? What's worst i didn't know i had changed like that until recently people have been asking how we reach that topic... Man... This sux... I thinking if a trip to somewhere will cure my disease.... LOL... I gotta go on a holiday no matter what... Anyway for now... I'm going to work again... It's just so boring... I wanna a change of job... This is really not suiting me... I can't always stay quiet and do nothing... I wanna talk... I can't stand being caged up... Too slient is not my type... Too noisy at times it's irritating... Man... So i wonder what type of place suits me the most ? Business.. With all the drunken people around the place of sin where it has it's claws around your neck to fall from God ? What do i do ? If i keep thinking like this i won't even get a job... Man...Which job got the most holiday and allows a stable income to support the family ? Man... I wonder... The pleasures of being a kid...

S chatted with me online yesterday and woah what a dream... Man... I wonder how much she desires to get a job that is stable enough until she thinks that she is ready to get married... Anyway... Another S was busy with work so never talk to her much... Can't say i didn't try... LOL... But seriously i'm abit lost for words... I can't seem to chat with her anymore... LOL... Life... Friends come and go... So who is your true friend who you will still keep in contact till the day you die ? Friends from outside ? I find that hard accept... Church ... Yes .. Friends from birth certainly.... I've grew up with G, N and J. Ever since we were young... We were friends... LOL...Good old times... A has been added into the guild as well.. Hahahaha... Of course along the way some girls came in... In fact when S first try to butt into the group... She was always bullied... I wonder why.. but since i was young i didn't care... LOL.. So follow the rest bully her... I wonder what made my eyes glued with stamp to ask her out man... Hmm... But in the end... oh well..

Got another person to go out with instead... Man... It was not planned by me... Sabo by my friends... Made a bet that the person have to treat drinks if he cannot get the girl they pointed out... So we took turns... Man.. Why did it have to be me .... I hate my secondary life... Man full of sad memories.... Got hooked up with girls i had no feelings with and break up within certain time limit, when i start to have feelings for the person they just don't feel it... Got my parents phone stolen... Got my brand new CD player stolen... My CDs stolen... My bag stolen... Items in my pencil box stolen... Books stolen... Got my HP taken away by the vice principal cause the vibration sound was too loud.... Even my homework was stolen.... Man... And i should not have done my work if it were to be stolen... i got punished even after i worked all night for that piece of answer... I tried to understand how the hell to do the work some more... How much time taken to understand my work... And the teacher took it as a joke that it was stolen and punished me...

Sometimes i find that teachers are blind... Not all students are lazy.. Not everyone wishes to fail... It's just that you are bad at teaching and there is no way we can get good grades without trying different way of writting our answers and seeing results before we start to understand... Because the teacher don't give any bloody tuitions and they don't bother to help out saying that they are busy when they shake legs at the canteen... Man... Such teachers are lazy to the core.... Wonder how he managed to become principal... BaKa... Anyway... The past is the past... I see many of my teacher aging... They are growing old.. Don't shoot them since they are not in my life at the moment... At least i have some good memories of my secondary school. LOL... Cannot share lol... Men's secret... LOL... Super funny.... Ask ACT or Jim or ZX i'm sure they know... LOL... We talked like crazy over such stupid acts... LOL...

Oh yeah saw bern a few weeks ago... Man... he has gotten fat... Army now raising chickens already... Not men... How to cry i wonder... The food so good cannot complain lor... You tahan so much shit got good food to eat consider very good liao... Wanna cry is those work like shit and than get shit to eat lor... Those ones i find sad... Hopefully i don't get into such units... If not i die like crazy... Haiz... Nevermind la... Painful memories can be beautiful as well...

2 years of death is not as bad as a life time of being a slave to your boss... Yep... Money is hard to earn.... Haiz... Oh well.. Got to go for work already... Byez...

2008-01-21T00:01:00.000+08:00

I'm disappointed by the fact that many people are not coming to bible study on fridays anymore... It's a sad thing... To see your friends faith falling... To see one grow is like man... The guy is holy or Oh how much he has grown... Closer to God i see... That's good... Or wah.. So Holy arr... Go church so much... Man.. Such stupid comments... About the driving car thing. It links. I want to say that one wrong direction just as missing a turn will lead you away from the path. Like the case which Nah should know... It cost me alot... Plus it cost time... Wasted time... One wrong move will lead you to a different road and if you continue to drive down that road you'll get lost and suffer alot... Pain... Fustration... Sorrow... Anger.. Lots of unwanted things will start pouring down... In order to turn back... You might search for a long time with no results... Like a long struggle with yourself... Trying to break this chain around your neck while you seek for God again... But still the chains don't loosen up... Until you forget about looking back on your mistakes... Throw away those desire to keep looping around in circles... Will you be able to see the signs... LOL.. It's rather funny... Reminds me of that day... LOL.. Nah hahaha... I think you know... Yeah look for the signs yeah don't side track.. LOL... Starting to learn from Bro N... Side tracking and forgetting what's the main topic... But anyway.. Yeah... Ermm... Yeah the signs....

Until you truthfully look and the signs and follow it will you be able to seek God's intended path and follow it again... Getting to your destination at last, you might tread back to the same path and complain about the path you had made by straying but at least your remember your mistake... The question now is will you turn to the right road after walking back to the path or do you wish to loop in circles again ? That road you waited so hard to get is waiting for you... The person you wish so much to see might have landed.... It really wake me up la... Such a stupid situation but make me feel so inspired... I do not know when J is coming... The time is unsure... But i know the path... Just as i do not know when God is coming but i know the path... I might get lost like what i did turn around as what i'm doing now... Turning around... In circles... The HS has been wasted on me... I bear no fruits... And i don't think what i'm doing works...

I've tried asking them to come the BS on friday but what results i have ? I'll coming next week.. In the end no reply... When come to the day itself... Nah i'm busy... Or some lame excuses... I wonder how am i going to explain myself to God... Start thinking now is stupid... But at least it's a start... Initially there was only 1 excuse to get out of this bible study and that is tests and exams... Other excuses cannot be used such as lazyness.... It is not a vaild excuse to not go to church.... Can God say i lazy to open to gate for you on the last day ? Is that a vaild excuse for Him ? But if He said since you were lazy for Me... I will be lazy to you.... I would break down in tears and beg for mercy but i think it won't work... I cannot judge a person for not appearing when i was there... But he/she is not the only one... Many people didn't even bother to reply.. Man... And they say life is hard... Serving God is harder... But the rewards for making God's plans work is sweeter than anything in the world... God's love is endless... So he forget and forgives... But i think that rule is for grown ups... Kids must be forced to come... If not they won't learn... They won't have a life in God... Secondary school a time before they take their O's... The less pure moments of their life... But still they contain some pureness... Yes... When they enter poly or JC... things such as adultery might happen if given in to peer pressure... Evil age we live in... Thus we should strengthen ourselves whenever we could. By starting young we are removing those chains and make them thinner so that the devils will not have a weak spot when they find us... If force is needed... I think something must be done... I have a plan.. But i won't tell it... LOL... Wait and see all yea lazy bums... God plans will come and we must shine His light on to the future generations to come... So that they too will shine down upon the next after them...

Anyway took MC went Bird park with Mad cow,J, Queen of Pain and a new friend W... LOL... Boring la... Even W agrees with me... See la.. Queen of Pain suggestions always bring pain and suffering... Next time cannot let her plan anything... Even J and Nah complain why don't go Zoo instead... LOL... Heart pain la... 22 bucks flew down the drain... Anyway... Boring la... See when i got time... Upload those pictures... Got a friction story to tell... LOL.. Anyway went to sakai sushi... Yeahhhh... But only got 45 mins to eat... LOL.. Going strong... I can keep going for 1 hour... LOL... But this time... Stamina drop... 45 mins also just pass the buffet style but i think i ate enough...lol... Dun want to get fat and not be able to pass my medical check up... LOL... OK... Back on track... Reach church than knock out here and there during service.... Before watching the movie... And then knock out during service in the morning and afternoon due to lack of sleep... LOL... Oh well.. die la... I think i go sleep now... Before i knock off again tomorrow at work.. I'll write when i'm free tomorrow... Wanna continue talking about someone's blog... The person having troubles just now and took me so i had to see her blog and try to help her... But i still wonder what is the problem... LOL.. Oh well.. Next week that help lor... Sorry arr... You gotta remind me next week for conselling.... I might forget or just sleep... Anyway nitez guys...

2008-01-16T23:32:00.000+08:00

Is being a Christian all that good ? Is being bullied all that fun ? Working and they take advantage of you because you are a being a good Christian ? Indeed the world will hate us... They hate to do what we do, but love to take advantage of what we do and try to use it to their benefit... Should i continue to act like a Christian ? To be bullied ? What is fairness ? Nothing in this world is fair. Indeed our parents have done well to shield us from the outside world... The world where the most cruel people survive. The rich are great thus they get away with everything.. The people who take advantage but do not have brains get caught and they get eaten and spit out like mud... The weakest are thrown to the ground like nothing and they get stepped on.... But they endure and endure....

Do i want to be step on again and again ? Is this my choice in life ? To be stepped on and than i can't complain ? Where is justice ? Ask my boss and she'll just say Justice is covering up her butt from getting burnt. I'm her ACE card so i cannot have anything sickness any weakness... What am i ? A robot ? Her maid... Someone that can be commanded as and when she likes ? I'm an attachy yes... But i am a student... Are you threatening me with grades now ? Do you think i give a damn. I have endured for 3 months and now another 2.... And my partner is giving me crap with like 9 daggers up my back already.... Man.. How evil can he still be ? Just to save his ass after taking his sweet holiday he comes back and shoot me ? What the hell ? I have not even taken my break yet.... Somehow i don't think i'm a Christian... I just forget about being a Christian but focus on all the anger and blast out in one blow.... A rabbit is a cute creature but it can still bite...

I don't play a losing game unless i'm with my friends.... Having leave also can call me back... Forget it... I'm taking MC for the next 2 days to sleep and enjoy.... I lack a day of sleep.... Anyway wanted to blog about it... LOL... Firstly... Wanted to get out of that boring office place.... I thought it was 12 already but actually it was only 11... LOL... Long time before the last bus... But hahaha.. Dun care so much la... Got out on time also can.... Yeah so i got home and not long later Nah came around... So he entered the living room to watch spirit... THe stupid horse thingy.. I forgot about the cheezy story.... Tried to play the PS 2 games but the controller was spoilt so yeah... I kept moving in circles....

Yeah i forgotten about the game part... Listened to Nah and drank 2 cups of saturated coffee that's why i cannot sleep when i came back.. I've still haven't slept since than..... Man it was crap... The king was sleeping on my dad's car when i was about to reach the car.... wasted like 2 mins stupid garfield.... Cos we had a big battle of starring at one another before he scramble along.... Yep.. Drove out super slow... Had a few jerks since i was nervous.... YEah and than... We made our way out of the place... LOL... Like the need for speed game just that cannot speed.... LOL... Anyway the place was so deserted la.... And Nah was saying you have a new competitor... LOL... I'll never forget that one... Oh yeah and the my job is to make sure you don't speed... Your mom ask me when i stepped into the house.... Man... LOL.. The most funny.... NOoo... You are speeding... It's 92 km.... Over by 2 km.... LOL.... That was the core man... Oh well.. Went to the airport... It was a smooth journey until i made the wrong choice of not turning.... And when to changie beach... LOL... The shuttle bus was so fast that he nearly wack against my dad's car la... Crazy man... Thank God nothing happened... I nearly had a heart attack.... Lucky i was calm if not wack the bus already.... Thank you God... You saved both Nah and my life.... The prayer before leaving the place worked... LOL... Listened to BOA... Man... It's the only one i can find that doesn't have any songs that will make me sleep... So we took a few rounds and yep.... Went around the place looking for a way to turn back to the airport... Yep... We managed to get there after some searching and exploring... Next time don't make such stupid mistake...

One wrong turn and we'll get lost... If there isn't any sign board and we didn't follow the rule we wouldn't have found our way back... Yep... Went to the airport... Did a just pass parking... If got car sure hard for me to get out...LOL... My body got to be as thin as a paper in order to get out... Anyway... It was a fun experience... The place was so small that it looked like a big house.... LOL... With just one shop... Man... Compare to T3 it was a complete let down... Drove back to seng kang.... Stopped at the cabby area to alight Joel and family... LOL... Oh yeah i salute Joel's dad la... Uncle waited for like 4 or 5 hours for Joel to come at the airport.... Man... Imagin how much God loves us... If i father can already give such love for his son... What more our father in heaven ? He is love himself.... I know he won't give up on us to the very last breath of our insignificant life... Yes... Yep after i let them off... I made a U-turn to see if they gotten a cab... And yes... They did... OK... I can go home now... And i made a wrong turn... Where am i ? I'm lost man.... Ok... Next... Just find anything i recognise... LOL... My sis ex-school... Yes.... I saw it... But i'm clueless... I've only been there once by taxi.... Sadded man... So i'm still lost... I think i went around the place for a round and than i ended back at the taxi stand with Joel and family missing... LOL... Must have gotten home already.. Cos after that i remember my bearings and headed straight home.. Parked perfectly... And got home seeing lights and the gate was unlocked... Is my house being raided by theif ? Or is my parents worried... Man... I was too tired to think so i just thank God for my safe journey back and wanted to sleep... The theif can rob me for all i care... I just need rest... And indeed my parents was sitting down waiting for my return... Another display of love... So touched... see 2 scene one with someone's family one with mine... Oh man.. I'm so luck to be born in this family... Anyway wanted to say something about this... But i can't remember... Brain dead already 24 hrs not sleeping... OK... I've to sleep. Nitez. I'll explain if i can remember the point tomorrow. Nitez.

2008-01-07T09:57:00.000+08:00

What is knowledge ? What is being smart ? What is my life purpose to staying in this evil world ? When you see a baby full of innocent... He kicks your for a sole purpose of pure anger against you. It is soon forgotten by them... They want peace, not anger all the time... They want love... Not hate all around them.. Unlike now.. When we are kick we hold it for a period of time collecting more anger... When it's time we kick them and we try to make sure we kill them...

Knowledge ? Smart ? They are 2 different things, that's why they are spelled wrongly... Smart is being about to score... You don't call those people knowledge people... You call them smart people.. Yeah... They maybe smart but they cannot apply their it in their work... So you can say knowledge is something that can use to apply to something to get more result than smart... Why do we need smartness ? To score in exams ? In the end when you die those papers will die along with you... Anyway... If you want to ask God about something ask about knowledge... Something which is very important to me... Why i do not have knowledge ? Am i not desiring for the spirit anymore ? Am i changing for the worst ? Why do i not like the change ? Why ain't i like before desiring to become like King solomen.... Being about to have knowledge is cool as well.... At least i know what God wants... What is right and what is wrong... Maybe i'm feeling that dark aura because i know what is right and wrong but i'm not doing it.... That is sin itself... Man.... I'm so dead.... I'm becoming wild... Choir ... I've gone mad... Why did i not be serious ? Why was i in such a joking mood ? Does God think that it's funny ? Or do i just want to hear people's laughter... Lucky i didn't go overboard... I wanted to say thank God for all your comments let's say a prayer to conclude this sharing... Man.... It's like taking over.... It's bad... I guess i need to think and reflect more....

I don't think i should give excuses for my actions but i think my job stress level of now working on sat and sun through phone calls are driving me mad... I don't want to work like 7 days a week... Although talking on the phone for hours about work is not really working... But it takes away the resting them... And i'm not relaxing over the weekend... Cause i'm blood worried about the work i'm suppose to do.... Man... I have no life... I do not wish to be tied down like this anymore... This sucks... I'm gonna go for my holidays the moment this stupid attachment has ended... I need my spa treatment... To forget about everything.... If i were to get killed in the process... LOL... See you in heaven... I don't want to stay here even if i still have lots of things i miss.... Well considering working life... I guess there is nothing i miss bah.. I have no kids no wife... So i don't think i have anything to worry about... Just that if God says i got more work to do for him and leaves me half dead... Man... I have no idea as to what to do... I guess i'll just wait for the ambulance to fetch me to the hospital... While i bleed like crazy and get KO for awhile...

Somehow i need to hide in a cave and start reflecting again... This is bad... Just when i made new friends.... I crawl back into a cave... Why do i always like to be alone ... It isn't very cool now a days man.. To be alone and attract girls were like the 90's when i was a kid... It's not about the girls i like... It's the hidden talents i like...

The cool guy walks alone in the street... 5 man tried to get back at him over some stupid stuff... He knocks them out... Bam... Wam... Punch... LOL... And they are all on the floor.... Sleeping till the sun comes up.... Cool....

But cool has his disadvantages... Don't have friends until he shows his moves... I'm afraid to hurt people.. I have hurt enough during my childhood... Wack enough people... And hahaha... They are still my friends... I remember getting wacked... But i too remember... The feeling to hitting someone was nice... LOL... So soft... It's like you wack the wall and than wack them with that same force... They are sure to die... That's how life can end... By a stab... By a blow... By wind, rain , sun and snow... By earth, fire, water and creatures.... So many factors can kill us just like that... Those will be the physical death.... Spiritual death is different...

Lust, Food and pleasure... 3 elements but they are more dangerous than the physical death.... Greed for food... Too fat... die also... Not fat also might have too much fat content in the body causing death... by heart attack or stroke... Anything is possible... Greed for pleasure.. Enjoy too much like the rich people... As in mega rich.. i do not need God... I have everything i need... But is that true ? You have everything you want while you are physically alive... But when you die... You'll be a poor spirit... For you ate and is fully fed but you ate the wrong food... Thus you are unable to return to the home you suppose to be in.... Lust i think i've no need to explain futher.... It is one of the most dangerous sins for guys... So girls don't wear mini skirts... Or short skirts... Even a "father" in another church cannot take it... LOL.. Not only short skirts.. Low cut dresses... Guys also la... Don't wear tight clothings... Than it's like you wanna show off also cannot harm other people's spiritual growth mah.... LOL... Although i like to see muscles... LOL... But that's not the point.. It's bad for sisters... And the other way around... Yeah... Just don't make mistakes bah... It's fatal to us...

Anyway for my friends who don't know what in the world i'm talking about... Simple... Don't do anything funny... DOn't think of sin.. Don't do anything that will lead to sin.... Yeah easy but hard... Good... get your confused yet ? Should be bah.. I also don't really understand.. But.... Just know that... If this world is so easy... If the law is so relax just for us... Than why is it law in the first place ? Shouldn't laws be something that suit the one who set it ? Not us ? Shouldn't laws be mortally right ? So for me... I say... If a gay talk to me in a disgusting way.... What would i do ? A. Wack him.... B. Wack him or C. Wack him ?
Yeah i think i'll just pick the answer by random.... You know the answer.... Yeah but really we should understand what they are going through... Some are not really gays.... But they weak la... So they cannot accept girls don't like them and all... OR family wanted a girl instead of a boy... Or lots of factors may contribute to it... Yeah.... It's like... Crazy...

Anyway i wanna talk about this guy Yiruma, man i love his music pieces... Have been hearing it for like days since i got it... And still loving it... Although i dislike playing the piano, i can't help but fall in love with this song... I wanna learn how to play "Kiss the rain" Man.... This guys arr... Why don't come our like 15 year earlier... Like that i won't give up piano liao... LOL... Ok... Enough of my crap, more details about him... See ya... I go sleep awhile more than go work... Byez...

Yiruma, (born 15 Feb 1978, Seoul, Korea) is a South Korean piano music composer. His works have also been released in Japan. He is married to Miss Korea Son Hye-im.

Yiruma is well known throughout the world, and his albums are sold all over the United States and Europe, as well as Asia. His most famous pieces include "Kiss the Rain", "May Be" and "River Flows in You" (First Love).

Although he formerly held dual citizenship as a citizen of the United Kingdom and South Korea, in July 2006 he gave up his British citizenship and entered the Republic of Korea Navy to begin his military service, which is mandatory for all male South Koreans.

Biography
Yiruma started to learn the piano at home in Korea at the age of 5. In 1988 he moved to England, and in Dec 1996 he participated in the album The Musicians of Purcell (Decca). He graduated from The Purcell Of Specialist Music School (London) in July 1997, then from Kings College in June 2000.

His key dates and performances since then include:

May 2001 - Album 'Love Scene' released
Dec 2001 - 2nd album 'First Love' released
Jan 2002 - Performed at the 36th MIDEM in Cannes, France
Apr 2002 - Performed at the Young San Art Hall
Jun-Aug 2002 - 'Oasis & Yiruma' released, promotion tour in Japan and Taiwan
Dec 2002 - 'Gang Ah Ji Ddong' OST album released
Jun 2003 - SBS Drama ' First Love' title track
Oct 2003 - 3rd album 'From the Yellow Room' released
Aug 2004 - Special Album 'Nocturnal lights... they scatter' released
Apr 2005 - Special Album 'Destiny of Love' released
May 2005 - Special Album 'First Love' repackaged and released
Jul 2005 - Special DVD & CD of 'YIRUMA Live at HOAM Art Hall' released
Nov 2005 - 4th album 'POEMUSIC' released
Apr 2006 - 'Spring Waltz' Classic OST album released

2008-01-06T19:30:00.000+08:00

What am i doing ? I have no idea ? What am i feeling ? I cannot confirm... Is friends just a pebble you find at the beach ? You hold it for a while and than you throw it back into the ocean... What is love ? I have forgotten about my first love... Joel told me to remember that feeling... But somehow i remember how happy i was... But i didn't remember what my goal for getting her was.... Why do i feel so sad now ? Going to church per normal... Eating food of God .... Per normal... Love being alone... Per normal... Why ?

I have a feeling that if i go out with my classmates next month for a drink... I'll get drunk... I'll do something stupid and i might not come to church anymore... 20 years of seeking and when i got what i seek i give up and lose it ? Crazy.... But it's true... How many can withstand the lust of this world ? I wonder if what we shared in church during choir effected me... Attendance... People coming... Don't sing.... I guess it's right... Yeah if not why we come like crazy... And those people just do ninja come during a battle and steal kill during the battle ? I wonder why i feel so dark now... I have never felt so dark... Never... I wonder why .... I seriously wonder why ... It's not the same when i pray i just feel like something is stalking me... My house seems to have something in it... Keep hearing noises so i do not care... But now getting lesser sleep... Getting restless.. Getting depressed... What the hell.. Can't you guys leave me alone... The worst ghost i fear is my boss... Sunday also call up for work... I'm super sick of this already... Can i student have his rest on a sunday ? Man...

Work is really killing me... Imagin if i have to do that for years in the future... Will i kill myself for such stupid things... No la... Crazy give up just like that... Devil plus boss double combo also cannot make me fall lor... God to back me up is even better.. Nothing can stop me.. I wish... God will take me up soon... I'm so sick of this world... I hate this world... I wanna suffer in the army... And not OT for world... At least i get punish in army, it's cleaning or guarding... Exercising or running... I don't care... If it's good for my body why not ? If it's staring at the computer for more hours... It's killing the eyes and mind... I can't even talk correctly... I cannot get my logic right... I'm just working like a soul-less person.. I just keep moving my hands... Even when i'm sick... I'm not allowed to rest... I'm to keep on working... What the hell... My supervisor sms to complain saying he is very upset... I'm really upset with him... What is the point of life at the moment ? For me to keep being eaten ? Like a sheep with lots of fangs around me waiting to take a bite... Seriously i'm like a dying lamb.... Laying flat on the green pastures while wolves are nibbing on my legs... I cannot run... I cannot flee for i know i can never escape my enemies...

At this moment i can only ask a stupid question than i myself can answer.. Where is God now ? It's not a valid question for me.. I know my thinking is wrong... But somehow... It's just like that... Where is the love ? Who is giving a damn about me ? Who the hell cares ? I guess i should take my own advise to forget it and pray... But somehow i wanna should out loud... But if i can get a holiday i think i'll be better lor.. WHat the hell... I wanna go for a spa... After suffering for 5 months... I hack care lor... I'm going for a spa no matter what... God... I know you are with me when my shadow is greatly weighting down on me... I know you are carrying me... But i'm asleep on your shoulders so i do not know... I'm afraid of the world... I am 1 but they are many... I have forgotten about you O Lord... If you wish you can rain angels down to flood them with their stares... Millions of angels will descend upon your call.. So i have nothing to fear.. It's just that i do not see... Where is the love ? You are love.... God... Human... Are nothing.. You are everything... But thank You God... For the friends you gave me... True friends... Come when you need it the most... Chatting buddies just suck... They change from time to time... Am i the kind of person as well ?

I won't say names on who has comforted me... So God will bless you for the things you have done... I know even some person who didn't comfort me... But unknowingly gave me extra strength... I remember.... I wanna love my Lord but i sadly cannot... How i got the HS is still hard to remember... But i wanna remember... I wanna remember... There is too many things i wanna say.. but i guess i'll still do the traditional way of diary entry to write the more personal stuff... Love your enemies... How are we this preverse generation complete that when even our friends do we not bother.... Somehow why i talk to girls more than guys now.. Cos guys talk about sex and games and all the stupid stuff that does not make you feel close to God... Talking to girls outside makes my blood boil for they are no better... Church... I think only lazy but they make good mothers.... Guys.... We need a life... Cannot keep doing that liao.... If we don't have bonding..... It's bad if we fall out... If it's just a game that keeps us bonded... If that game dies out.. We are all dispersed to being lonely again... I wonder... If Bro Nic said the right thing... I think God for you guys will be the strong pillars in the future and there might be a change... But i think.... I'm just a passerby... No better than anyone... Call me strong... Please... If the wind blow i'm just still there cause of the 7X kg of oil in my body.... Other than that... I don't think i'm strong... Is Nah strong ? Yes and no... I wonder... Sometimes... Is he just joking... For he frightens me with the information he knows sometime.... I miss Joel... Faster come... Scold me... I just don't know... What to do... Am i tired of being lonely... I feel a void taking Joel's place after he left... But he is coming soon... And i know the Date unlike someone who is coming but i don't know the date.... But at least He is with me everyday i cannot feel it.. LOL.. So i don't really care if He comes now or later... Cause He is with me... But knowing the date and not being with me .... I cannot only have that hope within me... Nothing else... Anyway... I just feel that i cannot be a pillar cause i'm not grown up enough... God's word is not in my heart all the time... If i really love God... I should have his words in my heart at all times... Not thinking of how to explain things through worldly reasons... For there is no forgiveness using worldly sense... There will only be anger....

I'm not sure... I just wanna be a baby again... To be cradled by God for a few days... To be spoilt by him.... Before i go back to becoming a man... I'm seriously losing it.. I need to relax.. Play the piano or something... Oh well.. If i ever realize what my problem is i'll have to be conselled... Man... It's good to have so many friends... LOL.... KK... End of post... My sorrow is still there but it's better now...

2008-01-05T23:31:00.001+08:00

Today was weird woke up from the late night chat with have after bible study... I was so brain dead i couldn't understand what everyone was saying... So i decided to head up and wash up before going to bed... Man... It's so stupid la... Sleeping in the same room as my sis.... It feels so kiddish... Anyway... Bro Nic was suppose to go for breakfast with Nah but somehow i feel bad for making him fetch me to the polyclinic... Man... I just took my blood test and they ask me to go back... Wanted to run back to church if i could get Nah but they went back already... So sad la... Miss morning service... Haiz... In the end say will go back in time but my mom say go eat breakfast first by the time i went back it was already 11 am... I'm late even before i left for church... So i decide to pass and go back to get my specs.... I totally forgotten to take it with me... It was funny...

Got addicted to this song... And decided to learn how to play on the piano... Anyway i'm reminded to go find the music scores now... Yeah so i'll make this entry a fast one... Went for service was like dead tired since i didn't get enough sleep... Yeah funny... Come to sermon i won't sleep but come to singing hymns... I just knock out man.. I can hold the hymn book and just KO for like 3 stanzer... Before changing hymns and than KO for another few rounds... Man... This is weird... Lucky managed to stay awake... And not completely KO and drop the hymn book...

When with Glenn to play the song i liked so much... But we failed... It was too hard to copy just by hearing the MP3... LOL... Went to Choir and oh well... Stupid la... Share your experience of what you want to say about how God bless you for last year... Super stupid la... If i ask you tell me what you want to say to your girlfriend.... It's like will you say your proposal to your girlfriend just like that ? LOL.... So i decided to make things up and kick up so crap... Yeah... Just touch abit about it here and there... Not fully... So yeah.. Crap... Totally not what i wanted to say... But oh well.. I don't take this kind of things seriously... Just make sure my service and my heart is where it suppose to be... Laughing and joking is ok... But when you present it's to God... You make sing out loud sing out proud... For God is looking... What is there is be frightened about ?

I have stagefright but when i'm up there... I know only one person is looking at me... And he is the only one i have to fear... I have to make him smile... I have to sing my best to make him just give a tear drop for me... That is all i ask... One small tiny tear drop from The Father... My Lord... That is all i ask... It will be better than any korean drama or japanese drama put together... If i could hear God say "Good Job" while patting my back... It will be worth more than all the praises i can get in this world...

To act stupid is the core to not revealing your true self... But cannot act stupid all the time on monday to friday must be as smart as possible... Adult must be serious... Don't play too much... It's not good... Anyway... I think i over did the stupid act today... I feel so much like a fool... Hopefully no feedback saying i'm not acting like a christian i'm just monkeying around in church... Man being with friends changes the whole mood to becoming wild... Guess i submit to peer pressure without myself knowing... That's bad... Really bad... Man... And i'm suppose to be the good example... Since all the older people are overseas at the moment leaving me in charge this is what i give them... Oh man... Well.. Joel is sure gonna give me a showdown if he hears of this... LOL... But don't worry i bet he isn't so bored as to find out about this.. LOL... But in the end i just can't lie to him... I'll just find out soon or later... I'll just keep slient... And wait... LOL... For him to go back... LOL... So evil.. Anyway...

Yeah... I'm bush ..... Man... It's so tiring... Maybe not coming to church tomorrow... gonna sleep like never before... Nitez...

2008-01-04T00:33:00.000+08:00

I wonder why things had to go like this.... When you are sick... People don't bother to reply your sms... Ok... That's the world... But when you are needed and you are sick... They call you like crazy... Man... This world is unfair... I bet the moment i walk out of the company on the last day... My name will be forgotten... Erm.... Who is that person we always talked to ? Was it like Jim... Or Kim... Nah ... Oh yeah... It's Tim... After a week it will be who is Tim ?

Standard la.. Morning i say good morning and no one reply means those people mostly will forget who is that person... So far only 2 replies.... Man.. This world is bad... My boss called up... She said hey how is your condition ? Yeah no la... Just checking ... So bad arr... Tomorrow cannot come to work right ? Haiz... Too bad sia... LOL... So obvious right... You want me back.. What's up with partner dude ? Is he not doing his duty ? He owns me 2 days man... What the hell you thinking ? I'm all of a sudden thinking of quiting this job... It's a torture... If you are good they make use of you.... If you are bad they don't bother about you.. Man... How is the report of us working we have no idea... But when we are getting more and more tired they do not notice... When we get sick... They panic... Life... So selfish... Wanna go home early... Sorry arr... Don't have time to edit... Give you bah... Than run home.. Got problems also is mine liao... Don't check their work.. Pass to me... Sian lor... I get scolded for people's dump.... Fine... I don't come... What can you do... Wait till you pay me for 2 months than i come back.... If not don't bother... I'll complain to every top people i know... It's not a fair trade to be slaves...

Slept till very late la... Just didn't care about anything... So wake up very late liao... Didn't bother about anything... Just keep sleeping... No worries no stress... Ahh.. I wondered to myself... How much i have enjoyed staying at home... PLaying games... Not giving a dame about anything... Just keep slacking... Watch anime... watch korean drama... Woahhhh.... That is the life.... I'm loving it... Anyway... It was cool... I thank God for giving me such a good father... Talking about God and all.... Man... It's like it seems as if... Woah... Sooo... Yeah God loving... Man... RESPECT... I have no other word... I when did i first bother listening to him i do not remember but i'm glad i did... Helped me out alot... His advise is super nice and good... Can just talk normally.... Raise out the problem... Yeah think and find out how to solve it... LOL...Oh well.. Better sleep... DOn't feel so good.... Nitez.

2008-01-01T23:37:00.000+08:00

LOL.... Happy New Year... My foot la... So bored at home lor... Went out that time rush here and there.... Barely got time to enjoy... Sometimes too much commitment can make you die... Wake up so late cause i spend my time last nite blogging and i couldn't sleep man.... When i log out of msn... i was like dead tired... I wanna sleep but i just couldn't so i went to someone's blog to tag.... And read some information... LOL.. Sms so many people only 2 replied... And 1 ask me if anyone replied... Sian lor... But thanks for the reply anyway...

Really lor if people ask me how i spent my new year holiday i'll tell the person i was busy sleeping most of the time and watching Korean drama... Lame la... Make the show so nice but the ending so disappointing... Not even cry or anything... Just like that ended the whole show... Sian lor... Summer Snow... A nice story just watch it till episode 10 you don't want to watch the ending... But man.. I really don't have a life... 2 days and i watch finish a full drama... I must be chasing it like crazy.. Still got time to run around with friends.... And family... Man...

When out with ZX... It was crap... First eat than walk walk.. See children games... Than check out the games for man... LOL.. Children please walk one corner and disappear please you can never understand this kind of games until 10 years later.. Muhahahahahahaha.... Fantastic man... A cinderalla game... With unlockables at different stages... LOL... Maybe can unlock a gun to shoot the step mother and sisters before shooting herself... LOL... Happy Ending ... No more worries and the children can shut the book with such an ending... LOL.. Funny... Such a dark joke.... Hahahaha... The prince lived happily ever after without a princess... Cos he found a way to give birth himself... Without having a mate... Like some atoms or micro beings that can separate itself thus it gives birth to more it's kind but growing and split itself up after some time... Ok lame...Don't corrupt little children... I doubt you little children know how to read.... You'll be too bored to read my blog anyway... Get a life... Play maple or something... LOL.. Don't learn my black jokes....

Today there were fur fur rain... Yeah mao mao yu.... LOL... So irritating la... But fun la... I go walk walk get to see cool phones... And see some stuff... But sushi and eat Fried Oyster... LOL... Oiishi desuyone... When the plate reach my table... I guess the japanese will say Oiishiso .... LOL... Than they start eating loudly and get scolded by old grannies who say they have no table manners... LOL... I guess in Japan more noise means more respect... LOL... Over here will scold them ask them to eat in silence... Yepp... Anyway...Walked around do nothing... and yeah... the end... talk to people also no point... Everyone busy preparing for the school lessons they are gonna have tomorrow... Super bored with life at the moment.. Man... Gotta find myself sometime to do... Go church now like so much time... It's just the question of if i bother to wake up and go or not... No problem going but will i be willing to go.... It doesn't effect my relationship with the world to be gone for a few hours... My parents will be buying food while i'm there anyway... So i can go out later... Go church la... So lazy for what... God ask you why you later what you going to say ? No no no you see i was busy.... Yeah i was errr.... busy doing nothing... Yeah that's it... He'll just reply or is that so ? I was too busy to put your name into my book of life... LOL... Sorry my bad.. Could you stand in the crowded line there where the sign says "This way to hell", thank you....

Man... So many people say... Wahhh Maaaaaa... Why my face so ugly ??? All your fault go so ugly this and that... Make me have ugly this and that... And worst la... You marry dad so i got his this and that... Mix together make me so ugly la... LOL.. I can't stand it... Let me laugh awhile... LOL..... Ok continue... So this person got enough money that she got a plastic surgery.... Than when she died she went to hell... But she kept complaining... God i never sin against you why i died ? He replied sorry i didn't recognize you... Man you change alot... Sorry man... LOL... Super funny... That why after hearing this joke i never complain about how i look anymore... Be it ugly or good looking... LOL... Super funny la... If good looking thank God... People will like my eyes for they are pretty.... LOL... If ugly... Thank God... Now alot of girls won't bug me cause i have Jacky Chan's nose.... LOL...

In the end when you grow old... One question... Who cares ? LOL... Seriously... Nobody... You old and useless... Who care if you pretty Tsunade is rather pretty but she is an old hag... Naruto still make fun of her.. LOL... So the moral of the story is to have a good heart... To be pretty on the inside... I guess there are still guys... Finding for girls who are like that.. Not just a pretty face.. Yeah certainly... Beauty is just like a flower... Very soon it will wither... There will always be someone more beautiful... So forget it.. Those dreams of marrying the most beautiful princess is crap... If like that everyone will fight for that one girl... And if prince charming is only the most good looking guy in the land... Than there is no logic... Cause only this prince can marry this princess... But the peasants ? Who do they marry ? Prince ? Princesses ? Rubbish... None of this kind of things exist... They are stories used to brain wash little children and make them corrupted... The world princess to them is to be spoil and have what they ever wanted... The fairy god-mother... I can grant any wish you like... LOL... Crap.. If that's the case what will you do if i wish every person except my dream girl, in this world to die... So that my job to finding her can be easier... Wouldn't that be nice ? I'm a maid... I don't hold grudges against my abusing masters... LOL... This kind of lowly and respected attributes are not learnt by children... They just wanna have fun... To bear long suffering... So God will deliver you away from this pain... Yes and have a happily ever after... When your physical body is ten feet below... Yep... True happiness... Why cry when watching Korean drama or Japanese drama ? In the end the true saddness is they died for 1 person... God died for all... Which is more sad ? A person dying for love ? Or an innocent soul that should not die... Got caught like he just killed someone... Free someone who has killed and take many lives just to have that innocent man be killed... To be struck... To be spat on... Insulted... I believe that people will throw things at him... Veg... Eggs... Anything dirty...

Woah God is more powerful man... If me i'll call all my angels to come down... Cut their arms and legs... Make sure they say Sorry my Lord... I didn't know... "Hmm.. Didn't know... What i said you never listen arr... Wanna die is it... Try to save you still like that... Say sorry..." Than cut off their black tongue... Before leaving them to die will all that blood... Maybe sprinkle some salt to kill the germs... LOL... Saddistic... That's why it's lucky i'm just a man... If not alot of people will die.... Not just punishment for doing sins... LOL... Maybe play a prank... This guy not good... When he go toliet i'll make the water system be reverse so when he flushes the shit will fly out onto him... LOL.... Ok ok... More improvement i know... I told you hard for me to be holy... LOL... I too saddistic already... Hahaha... Ok not funny... Must solve my ability to crap so much... It's getting worst like a disease... If i infect the younger generation like ZC... Woah... I'm gonna get struck by lightening man... God will ask me... I ask you to take care of my lamb... Not feed them with crap... Now see what they are doing... They are feeding each other crap...

Kids are white paper... They ask you why Jonah got swollowed by the fish ? You reply... Oh simple.. He fell into the fish tank... LOL... Funny... But they believe... Cause fish tanks contains fish... They never been to the ocean... Maybe not seen them.... Children now adays... See websites on the ocean... So they don't really understand the beauty of God's creation... So they believe and they spread on... Yeah my dad/ uncle / mom/ bah bah bah... Said Jonah got swollowed by the big fish... Cause he fell into the big fish tank... Man... The small matter which started as a joke... Just corrupted the youth in church... Man... So some stuff cannot joke like crazy... It really might have bad effects after that due to a small unintentional joke... Oh well.. Gotta work tomorrow so i'll go sleep for 7 hours before leaving... Man.... JC students need to be in school by 7.40 am... sad man... How long was it since i last wake up so early just for school. LOL... Ermm.... Must be kind of long cause i don't really remember... Earliest would be wake up at 7 for school and rush there... But there by 8 like once a week.... LOL... Other than that it's more like 10 am start lessons... Or lecture... Just skip and go at 11 am... Study harder during tutorial... LOL..Sure can pass one la... No problem... Can enter UNI.... Just work hard for another 2 months... Man... Just work harder... Ganbatte... I can do it.. With God by my side nothing is impossible... Right... LOL... Ok i know You busy so don't need to reply... You got my back liao... I know... Hahaha... Cool... Ermm...Can like take me away if i going to fall away or not ? Just make sure i don't fall can liao... If not faster take me away...

Before i corrupt the small kids... Become small Ah Biang... And go wack other people... LOL... Lao Da has left long ago.... He has died... Now is a new me... Still out for blood... But yeah la... I try to surpress.... Talk talk .... Don't kill... LOL... I think if i see war i'll never even think of killing again lor... See your best friend die in front of you.... How are you going to laugh and enjoy it man.... Unless you gone crazy and start shooting everyone la.. Got 5 bullets in your body you still run around and shoot everyone... Until like hundreds of bullets enter your body than you die... LOL... That will be too drama already...

You can talk on the phone and after hanging up the person gets hit by a bus or something... That is how short life can get... So faster enjoy life while you still can... Wanna eat satay... Just eat... Don't eat too much and make your life shorter... If you die of heart attack just die... Don't stay too long in this world.. It's not worth it... After go up better.. Wanna drink lard go ahead... Don't spill and mess up the carpet can liao... Oh yeah... What i have just written is friction... SO please do not take it seriously.... Thank you... It's just how to explain some stuff yeah... I bet you can tell which is fake.. Yep.. Be happy and live your life.. The time spend being unhappy is just a waste of time... But still it's good to vent out your fustrations so that it won't bother you.. Best is tell God cause my telephone line is like "The number you have just dialled is busy at the moment please do not call again, Thank you"... LOL... Kidding la.. If got time feel be to tell me if you feel like it... I'll be naggy.. LOL ... Yeah .... Ok... I OT too long already.. Tomorrow sure not enough sleep... LOL... Blogging really waste alot of time sia... OK .. Nite nite...

2008-01-01T01:04:00.000+08:00

Hi hi all.... Wishing all viewers a Happy New Year... Although it's already 1 am... Sorry la... I came back at 12.10 right... Got abit of nagging or scolding... For being so late... Man.... Parents have a stressful time worrying about their kids...

Anyway it started out as a fine day... Assuming that my partner would be late as usual... I was dead tired from waking up so early to work... Man... I wanted to die... Anyway i really died when my partner just didn't come for work and switched off his phone... Man it's like freaking irritating... How long can i take this... I've endured for like 2 months plus and now another 2 months of his rubbish... I think he is going to die when i clear up all the MCs he has been taking... Seriously ... Anyway... I'll not bother about him... Man.. I wonder why i give in to him so much... It's not my nature to give in to bullies in the past.. Why start now ? I wonder... DO i really hate him or just because he makes me angry with his actions, do i say so much bad things about him ? Sometimes i wonder have i changed ? Have i become more holy than before ?

Anyway first to come in, last to go home... Sick of this kind of things man... Really hate it... Hardwork doesn't pay off i guess... Nobody sees hardwork as a virtual... They just want to see work being done... Other than that... There is no credit given.. Why is that so ? Like what Pr.CAQ said count our days.. The world will kick us when we lose our value... When we are sick, old or unable to do our duties... We can kill ourself by working like crazy, maybe take 3 jobs and toggle with them till we drop dead... In the end it will affect our health... Man... I really hate this world... I hate man.... How can i love man when i don't love God ? If i love God will i not spare a thought for him ? Will i not sin because of him ? Will i not be tempted for his sake ? He has died for us... In return should we not follow his plans... To ease his pains by erasing the mistake of eating the fruit of good and evil ?

Yes if we hadn't ate of that fruit... We won't be here and we won't be suffering... By eating that fruit we sinned against God and lost our life of eternity... Emperor Qi Shi Wang was a great ruler... A fierce and ruthless king... He seek immortality... But what did he get ? A fate everyone will have... Death... It is our fate to die... But we have a hope. Jesus died to clear that sin we have made... He saved everyone and not died for his mother or brother... EVERYONE... Yes... The least we could do is repent and be like what we suppose to be if we hadn't ate the food of good and evil... Be pure to stand in front of God and talk to him without the sense of shame...

Had a fun time after work... Rushed over to sembawang... It was super crowded on the MRT... Man... I was squeezing in a train to get to my destination... Yes you didn't it's not a typo error i squeezed into the train... I hate crowds but i hate to be late... So no choice... When to Sun Plaza and guess what... KFC is flooded with people... So i tried the food court... Flooded... So no choice went to the comic shop... I saw so many people that i went out of the store after 5 mins of browsing... In the end i decided to eat at Mc Donalds... The place i dread the most with the help from a phone call to Vic... Man... Reminds me of Vin eating Mc every week on sat... Vin what you want to eat ? Mc la... Sian lor... It's like... Rather go drink lard... Sure can grow bigger in size one... It's a one time application... All you have to do is finish it...

Anyway i tried eating very slowly and it worked... Vic came like mid way .... 7 o'clock sharp... Said that SK would be late... So i ate slowly and yes... Managed to waste time till 7.20pm.... Took turns to go to the washroom and there he was... Presto.... I had no idea he dress so informal outside church... Man... It was cool to see him out of those clothings... I see them everyday... It was getting abit boring seeing it all the time... Yes i had a hard time talking to him... Yes i had a hard time coming out with topics.. And yes i'm struggling to say something to talk to him... Fortunately Vic was there man... She was able to help me out... But she stopped as well.... So experience kicked in.. Talk about army or NS... LOL... Army people will die to say all the army stuff... No matter what... Man... He was able to say things and i only got like 50% of what he said in my head... Some that i know but didn't want to say anything.... If not i'll lose out on topics... Mostly i don't know and too sleepy to understand so indept that i can understand it well... But well.. LOL... It's fun... Sitting on the bus... Or rather standing in the bus... Chatting and talking... It was rather gan gar.... LOL .... I forgot the english word.. But you get the point... Yeah... Sat down ordered a drink talked like forever... Man i still can't get SK to talk about himself..... NOOOOoooo... Open up.... Don't close yourself... We are friends of the same age... Friends since young.. LOL... Come on.. Open up... but in the end i guess talking to him like that in years... Won't help.... LOL.. So funny.. BUt i still had fun... Talk so much crap la.. Like an old man like that... I was thinking Vic won't say what her problem is in detail so i had to guess and talk in a wider kind of way... Mostly you can scrap it and throw away... If any point help i hope it's in detail and it will help in one way or another... I talk to much... So much for advising my sis... Man.. I'm become like a women...

I guess i'll die when my jaws drop out of my mouth and i can't eat anything so i'll stuff to death instead... LOL... Anyway had lots of fun... Keep trying to ask SK to share something or anything... Instead of him just giving his suggestion... Share la.. I want some of your aura... I know nothing about you.... WEll... Nothing of recent... Like the past 6 years after we rarely talked to one another.. How's life... LOL.. Those kind of things... And i played sparkers with both Vic and SK... LOL... Children again... but i didn't get the thrills of it... Being a child you get happy with little things... I only learnt one thing from talking with SK... Do not take things for granted... We are living so blissfully with God's blessing and yet we murmur against Him.. It's like the people saying to God that it's a mistake to take them out of egypt.... Man... If it was me... I'll strike them with as many thunder bolts i can find.... Save you already still complain... Cannot see my powers meh... Wanna die arr... Slap you than you know... Wake up your idea.... LOL.. How you feel if people were so poor that they cannot eat rice like we do but just the burnt surface which is scrapped and left to dry on the road before being solded to the poor people.. Man... And we just dump food just because we don't like it... Imagin if those people were to see the food you dump and dig into the garbage just for those food and eat it... How would you feel ? Grossed out or sorry for them ? Or do you feel ashame of yourself for not treasuring the things you have ?

Why do people feel sad or anything ? Is it not they themselves causing themselves to feel pain ? To waste time being sad instead when they could use that time to solve their problems... LOL... I learnt that from David... When his child was sick... He begged God for forgiveness... When the baby died... He went back to normal... For he could do nothing since it has already been done... Crying over spilled milk is useless... We should not be so evil in heart and think before we speak... When the person is hurt stop and not stab the person's heart deeper... For you won't know what words will pierce which person to the core... May it be good or bad... Do it to help someone and make sure that someone gets the correct message you are trying to convey... Do not cause the downfall of a fellow bro or sis... For that will make thee a stumbling block... Well.... We left at 10.50 got on the bus... Took around 11.00 to reach the MRT and SK was soo sweet as to go out of his way to take the MRT back with Vic and I.... LOL... So nice of him... But the blow was the ending... We were already getting along so well.... Before he left.. He shaked my hands... Man... Oh well... What you expect for just a session of therapy.... LOL... I sucked some of his aura... LOL... Share share... Feel abit better now that we're talking... Solved some problems about the Youth Comm... I need to rethink my decision after hearing SK thoughts about it...

Wah bus 72 was like so late la... I reach around 11.10 to 11.15 wait till 11.40... Sian la... Than lucky the bus super fast... I got home at 12.10 to 12.15.... Got a nag or scolding... LOL... What a way to start the new year.... LOL... Well... As my nick says... I'm a bad kid... Went out on the morning of 2007 came back in the morning of 2008... Man... Bad record for making parents worry... Die sure kanna found out... God will write on the big book... Wonder if there will be pop ups... LOL... Ok dun lame already.... Kids play with pop up books... I'm grown up... LOL... Bring out the child in me... LOL... Watch more kids central.... LOL... Anyway wanted to bug Shi Sang.... Unfortunately she not coming online today since she came back home late i pressume... So sad... Oh well... Go watch a episode of drama... But i'm having a heavy eye lid... So i guess i'll make a small chat before sleeping... Nitez guys... Happy New Year...

2007-12-29T20:54:00.000+08:00

Yep yep... It's me again... The one and only.... Yeah.... So what has amazed me this recent friday... Well... Firstly my work still sucks as per normal... Good people.. Lousy partner which i really wish to kill if i have the chance.... Maybe I'll set a trap for him... Yeah.... I'll put dog poop on his chair so he'll sit on it... Nice.... Anyway.. Enough of him.... Yeah i had a nice relaxing 30 min walk in the garden of SPH.... It was what i like to do... Walking for 2 months already... But that is the only place i can find beauty in that place... Other than.... Most people there wanna skin you alive... And boil you just right... But they don't kill you.. They make sure you don't die...

They give you air to breath and some water to survive.... Than they boil you up again... And kill you... When your end in that place is near... They smile at you as they pierce that knife into your heart a few times and say goodbye... LOL.... Something like that... You get that feeling when you start working... Parents are so great they suffer that much just to feed us and bring us up... Yet how i treat them i'm so ashame.... Why had i not treated them better in the past instead making them worry and scold me... Making their troubles and fustrations worst.... Leading them to anger and than sin.... When we get away scott free... Man... Being a kid is good... I like that... But oh well.. It's time to grow up.. Grow in the wisdom of the Lord and be a child that God loves... Not hate.... Worldly desires will soon fade away... Our pains will be gone...

Just wish that He'll hurry up and carry me up man... I wanna die already... Come on... If the world is gonna end faster... Don't make waste money on marriage... LOL... Girls are disturbing... LOL... Ok... I better stop the anti-female thingy.... Most of my audience are girls...

Anyway as i was saying... I was in the garden feeling depressed and all... When i looked at the plants happily dancing as the wind tango with them with their beautiful leaf and flowers.... Cheered me up.... I went to the edge of the building and looked down... Man.... I'm happy... Looking at the cars dangerously speeding away on the express way... Not that i wanted to kill myself... It's because i was thinking how happy i'll be when i take one of those buses to church or back home... What feelings will it throw me with... LOL... nice feelings... beautiful feelings... To make my day better i sat down with the plants on this wooden platform... There were no ants to bug me... Just blue skies.... There were this birds which i'm thinking is a couple since they stick to each other so much... So i didn't bother them when they were having some private moments playing with the small bushes... I guess it's a game of tag or something... But the bird saw me and i walked away.... Soon i was sitting at that very spot where they were playing... I looked at the sky... How blue and beautiful.... The white clouds were dancing away as it formed different shapes and sizes...

Suddenly this black bird swooped down from the sky.... Got on the railing near where i was sitting and amazingly stopped right in front of me.... LOL... Feel so much like those fairy tale princess when they called out and the birds come to keep them from being bored.... Doesn't sound very right for a guy to say that huh .... LOL... OK moving on... Yes the bird sang... I never been this close to a bird before... I was thinking it'll probably take a dump and leave me with the smell of it... LOL... But no... It sang... Although not in a pleasant voice but nice enough for an animal of that size... When it's partner came swooping down but just at the other side of the railing... I knew it was the same couple that was playing the at bush... We were sharing that perfect spot together... LOL... I didn't know that... I guess it tried to convience the other bird to fly over and sing to me... I was just chewing on my bubble gum and enjoying their singing... Occasionally coughing and spoiling the music... LOL... Yeah... It was fun... I guess i kind of like the way Adam's life before he was thrown out of the garden of Eden... Nice...

Imagine the birds and the bees, bugs and gees.... LOL... Ok enough of the rhyming thingy.... Yeah... Life.. Chatted with Shi Sung lol... I wonder why... The more i chat with her the more she is like Vic... Some replies... Just that Vic more evil la.. LOL.... Funny why girls like to call themselves demure and pure and innocent and all when that is so not true... LOL... If we are like that we won't be placed on earth already... LOL... Ok la...Maybe that's their style.. Like guys play games... Shoot and kill each other... Blood flying everywhere... It's so boring now that i'm playing it again... Maybe not playing games for a year helped abit... It's rather childish... But i realised i just kick serious butt man... LOL... I killed like 10 guys or girls la... So fast so more... 1 bullet 1 death... Whooo..... I have accomplish my goal... I have reached god-light for CS already.... I don't need to be the best for such a stupid thing... As long as i own the small people like crazy and some skilled players i don't really care... LOL... My goal is already fulfilled so i have no cares about it.. I quiet CS once i have defeated my master who bestowed me this skill like ermm... I'm not sure 11 or 12 months ago... for like 4 or 5 hours.... LOL... I have not lost that skill... I've remembered it all.. LOL.. Thank you so much...

When for a meeting after service and before i entered that meeting i met Sis Yu Ting.. Man.. My heart stopped a beat when she entered the room... Should i say sorry now ? What do i do ? Wack her and run.... Make sure she is knocked out cold... Than start running ? I'm not sure so i tried to open my mouth and said something but my throat was dry... I cannot say anything... I wanted to say I'm sorry for running to adam... i'm sorry for not bring my cloths for singing... I was in a rush the other day so i did not bring it... Nooo..... I couldn't say it out... Than she said in the warmest voice... Hello... I replied.. Hi... And i walked out of the room... So stupid a perfect place to apologist and i said Hi and walked out.... SO much for sincerity....

Man.... The meeting was stupid... I was so like feeling bored... And wanted to sleep... I didn't have enough sleep from the game had yesterday... Man... My necro owned during the end game... LOL... ownage.. The people ran when they saw me spam my skill like nothing... I had mana... I had no fear... LOL... I wanted to run to the fountain... Actually the player could just kill me la... All wack throne.. Only me left to wack him... He can kill me no problem but he scared... LOL... But funny to say... He ran when i wacked him... LOL...

Ok back to the meeting... I find it pointless to have long meetings... Which ends up no where.... It doesn't not give me new insights.... but i think the elders have gotten some messages... Anyway... Not put in so much hope until we get the chance to shine for God... If God summons us to do his work... Start running and doing it... If not you get to drink fish water in darkness... Maybe occasional sea weed which flows into the belly of the big fish... Anyway... Had fun... I wanna find out why i'm not coming for youth service myself... What is the main reason.. lazy ? Or uninterested... Parents ? Dun lie... Be truthful... But currently... I'm just clueless... SK's words just strike me like a sting from a bee...

So when i came home i just got online and there Shi Sang was online... I wonder why she came to talk to me... Oh yeah the movie thingy on monday.... vicky was like call them.. Dun care you call them... Yeah i remember now... Ok.. Than i dunno why can chat so much and get website to watch shows... 1 litre of tears... Oh man.. I remembered how much i cried... Not yet 1 litre but close to it la.. Tear abit here and there such got 1 litre bah... But this time i thought got special should cry... But than... I was laughting as i joked with Shi Sang lor... So stupid la... Never cry.... Like so wasted... It's like yes she is in pain... We pity her, so what... It's like when she dies she goes to hell which is more painful.. She suffers for eternity... Man.. So wasted... The last part i thought i was going to cry cause the last time i heard the diary being read i cried... This time only my eyes sting... LOL.. So far never cry... Maybe too long of watching shows and being online... Man... I'm gonna sleep... I have no strength liao... And say wanna play since 11 pm until now than finish.. It's like 2 hours la... What am i think... Ok.. go sleep.. nitez...

2007-12-26T16:34:00.000+08:00

People the reason why i don't hate humans is because God made us... And yes there are good people out there... And there is a reason why i hate certain type of humans... That is because they are freaking cruel... How can you bear to watch this... People who cannot take it please switch it off...
http://www.petatv.com/tvpopup/video.asp?video=fur_farm&Player=wm
Now you see why ? How can someone be so freaking cruel... If someone were to skin you alive how would you feel ? You would rather die than to feel so much pain... To let people step on your head while they cut your viens and let you bleed to death.... That isn't right... It's just so wrong...
I know this message cannot be inserted into people's head... Wait till the day God comes... You guys will suffer... And beg for mercy... If you can do that to an animal when it's just a baby... What else can you not do to a human baby ? This is simply just sick... Watching this video just makes me wanna puke... Damn... If i ever become like them to kill for the sake of my pleasure... I rather go to hell than to even come close to God for my sins will make my Lord drop a tear for me....
What is wrong with us people... It's time to wake up man... God is watching... Remember... Ok... Back to work.. What a boring day... Gonna sleep when i get home... So tired...

2007-12-26T00:22:00.000+08:00

Woke up so early today man... I slept at 3 am.... LOL... Broke my promise... I still wanted to go for the sermon speaking... But when i woke up it was already 9 am... So no point in going... It had just ended when i eyes opened...

I've learned 2 new words firstly it would have to be "Blood brothers" and secondly "Seriously" but you have to use a certain tone to it... LOL... Funny... But i wasn't in the mood to tease Donna.. She is gonna leave on thursday... That's so sad.... Well i'll see her online anyway... So as for Eden who already went back a few hours ago... Boo Hoo... Hopefully i'll see him next year when he comes as a consellor.... Man... I really had a boring day... It's christmas... But forget that it isn't important... IT'S A HOLIDAY .... I've wasted my time playing with kids... My computer was waiting for me to thrash some people....

I wanted so much to beat up some lousy CS players or have fun well getting killed most of the time but trying my best to kill some heroes in Dota... Man.... Fellowship is rather boring playing quiz and worst it was lame...LOL... Nah i take my hat off you... It's rather interesting seeing their faces when they cannot answer any of the lame questions... LOL... And when they see the answer it's like so stupid... That's the only part that kept me laughting and wake...

Fun is not a word i would say... I was busy playing CS while they played some guessing game... The best actress for today Ke Jia... LOL... Win liao la... I thought she was the one who ate it... My sis gave the completely no pain feel... LOL... Best.. Wish i had taken a video of it... Pros will be able to eat wasabei without you knowing it... LOL....

But one think i really wanna write about is... Do you remember your first love ? Before you were born into this world... Somebody has loved you. Before your parents seen your face. Somebody has kept your safe, known everything about you. And died for you. First love, do not ever forget it... Tears flowed down my eyes as i remembered how He loved me when i was born into this world... How He smile when i was plunged into the sea of blood... The blood of forgiveness... How happy i was when my tongue rolled more than usual when i had my doubts and asked for a confirmation from above.... I had forgotten that feeling after telling myself i will never forget... I have lost that feeling of love... Of fear... I keep asking for death, due to the pain i feel at work... Did Jesus ask me to die and go to hell instead of Him dying on the cross to forgive our sins, which we have created ourselves ? We have dug that road when eve first took the fruit and bite a piece of it.

Theolo a place for students to gain spiritual growth... I love to go back to church during those days... For i miss my dearly... I always had regarded my final year incomplete since i was sick for most of the days... Even though i was in church but slacking around sleeping and wasting time to cure that sickness and not eating the words of God is so regrateful.... It's like a big part of my life has gone away... Sucked out of my memory... The pains we suffer at theolo... The sleepless nights are all worth it... The snoring which i don't really miss.... Cause that's the reason for the sleepless nights.... But still thank God we were able to sleep...

I wanted to cry when i heard the hymn being played today... "Nearer still nearer"... I can remember how to sing... A Chinese hymn which i forgot but i sang that in theolo as well... And best my first year hymn which i loved the most... The one that impact me the most and made me almost breaking down into tears.... "If ever i love thee".... My Year 1 choir presentation... That really made me cry... I love that song so much... When Debbie solo the first part it was like so touching... Than the brothers back her up.... Sniff sniff.... I believe God was watching us... From above... His tears must have fallen as well... I guess that's where i loved to sing and well supported having a choir in sembawang... God's song... Praising God, not to sing for self but to sing our hearts to Thee.... Thy love is so great thus our sins seem so small... For your grace has filled us totally and made us clean once again...

We are children of God, we will not sin... That was a word my bro gave me before he left to study overseas.... I understand it now... But even if we do not sin... It doesn't mean, we cannot sin... If we let ourselves be tempted we will sin, thus flee away from temptations... We are protected by God thus we will overcome sin for God is with us blocking satan from accomplishing his evil deeds....

Very funny... Walk out that time Shi Sang was like walk Ke Jia to the bus stop okey ? Agreeing to her demand at the cost of watching my bus pass by me in slow motion... Noooooo..... Don't go wait for me... My heart was screaming.... Wait for me.. But i still cross the road with both of them... And being girls... They should not take short distance for granted... Man.. When happens if something were to happen ? It's already so late... Yikes... Yeah it's already so late now... Gotta run to work tomorrow so cut long story short... Yeah Girls got lots of things to chat... Man... They are noisy.... I can't even listen to my mp3 in peace... Anyway... Sent an sms to shi shan to check if ke jia is back but since no reply.... I assume she is back home already... So i'm going to sleep now... And not be bothered over such things... Man... I gotta stop worrying... I'm gonna grow white hair soon if i continue to do that... Anyway gotta run.... Have to fly to work tomorrow... Byez...

2007-12-19T10:30:00.000+08:00

In this world there is nothing that cannot be done... Well except to be a god.... LOL... But unfortunately... I see that it's getting more and more stupid... The virus has spreaded to singapore... The creativity of humans... What more cars... Man... So gay... And i think it belongs to a guy... Oh well.. Just show you the pics and you'll understand for the guys....

Do you like pink ?

Sad to say it's all in pink, i'm sure a certain someone will like pink cars

wait there is more...

The person is either too rich or crazy....

Man...It's like tattooing your beloved wife inside out...

Are you an extremist ?

I find that people should have some self control... Although you like some things... But don't go overboard... This world has nothing for us to hold on to... Don't cling onto such useless things for we have to leave this place eventually...Byez.. Busy busy day...

Oh yeah i heard i have to extend my stay in my work place... But i guess i'll have to try and get my way into school since i have to take lessons there... LOL... Ok.. Just heard someone doing HTML coding asking for 12 bucks per hour lol.... Primary school kids can even do those things for 4 ot 6 bucks per hour. Such codings doesn't even require skills... LOL... Actually i'm just wasting my time here in OMY just to do such useless things... Oh well.... Dun chat liao gotta go.. BB..

2007-12-18T14:09:00.000+08:00

To be rudely awaken after i had returned home so late and slept at 2 am... Damn.... Still play pool and make so much noise... My sister is a natural leader man... So much like how i used to be a leader for evil... Influencing the weak to be weaker... What more influencing a man to be weak...

Remember not to be a stumbling block to others... If you wish to die, die alone... Do not drag someone else into the pool of death to be drowned at the bottom of sin itself... To know more people in church is for them to help pull you up whenever that ever happens... To pull them along with you that way you cannot be pulled up instead you will pull them along.. This way no one can save and remind you of what you have done... God cannot save a man that doesn't want to save himself... He stretches out His hands to help... Instead you shove His hands away... How do you then say He has not helped you at all ? Instead you pulled the people that God has saved into the water as well...

Water is essential for life and man cannot survive without water... That is the physical aspect and logic of this world ever since we have sinned.. What is disturbing and what is not ? Is it disturbing when the truth hits you ? Or if the person is thinking this way and you find it wrong and that it should be your way of thinking ? Yes... I do feel that people are always feeling for themself... Pop songs... Singing of love for women... Not woman... Not one by many and yes he is called the great lover... He is deemed as a good lover for he is much experience with lots of women. A man is great after he has boasted of how many women he has slept with and how many sinful things he has done in this life... Yes... That is the great lover. To love yourself is the greatest love... To save another life... You run up to the person but you stop for a moment to think... Will i get hurt in the process ?

It is time for church... You stop to think do i have enough money to let my family have a comfortable life ? To be able to enjoy the fruit of pleasure in this passing life ? Love what is love ? Reading the mana times... It does make one think... How is one able to love ? To be able to give up your life for the person ? To the mortals... Yes.. That is great love... But think... God gave his son to us.. He did not die for one man... HE died for all... He saved not only you and me.. He saved the world... Every living and breathing human... Not only from the past and for the future... Can your death for one do anything ? Think about your family and friends... If you are married... What will your children think of you ? If you are not... What will your parents think of you ? What impact will you give to them ? What are you showing in your life that can affect them ?

True love ... What is that ? I myself am not sure how to have true love or how i can attain it... My mind is totally mixed up... But i know the love i have for God not is not true... For God so love us that he will never change... Even the test of time will not blow that love for us away... In this world there is no ever lasting love anymore, instead there is ever lusting love... What is this world coming to ? As it is written the world will become like that... Corrupted and full of sin.... Even the church will not be spared... False teachings... Signs and wonders... Things that are not from God will be seen... Sodom has been destroyed... And yet many of sodom's sons and daughters has been born into this world...

Going on a ride to show the foreigners the ugly side of singapore... That is not the ugly sight of singapore... It is the cure of singapore... The sins of singapore... The place which God will strike and destroy... I was praised for being able to spot a whore... It is not something honourable... It's is something disguesting... How i wish i was pure enough not to know these kind of things... To be like children... Running around and enjoying their lives... Harlots... Something which i hate to see... Is it sin itself and it is like a serpent coiling around you trying it's best to strangle you to death... Once you embrace it... Death is assured... It's poison will slowly but surely kill you... The moment you bite the fruit of lust... You are assured that God will leave you... There is no discussion... Not unless you have the pure of heart to really kill your past and embrace God once more... But still a fallen person will be marked with the scars of sin already...

How ever are you going to see God on the last day ? Life... Isn't easy... To live a life of Godlyness... It's almost impossible.. As the Chakara of the devils are too great in this world... The reatsu is too great that we fall into sin... LOL.... But seriously.... If we seek God his powers are far more powerful than that of satan... What we need is will power to fight this evil aura emitting from the ground... For cured is the ground... This world is not of God although He created it... It is of the devils for they are cursed to live here... God will save us and pull us out of danger if we relay and depend on him... The devils can do nothing but watch us get safe... LOL... But don't be so happy.. As long as we are staying in this world... There is many things the devils can do to draw us away from God...

To make our hearts dirty... To hate God... To fall away from God... I guess true love is the example set by God... To love and not change even after the test of time... Ever lusting love... The world today disappoints me... I'm sure others are disappointed as well... If we ask where is the Love in church, that is correct.. For we are the ones that have the love... We are the ones who can make the difference.. If we fall away and go to another church, isn't that giving up and not helping the church change ? Making others disappointed as well and leaving the church... The way to life, love is one of the many ingredience to our life before entering heaven... It is a core material to help create a better life... To love a person you can forgive the person of everything... But to love a person is hard... To get angry and hate the person is easy... Why is everything so hard ?

What is good we do not do, what is bad is what we do... Knowing good and not doing it, that is sin as well... It is so easy for us to break God's laws and sin against him... By closing our eyes and not seeing anything we do not wish to see... I wish to borrow the mana times and bring it to my work place to read... It really makes me thing more about how i am treating God... Why do i not change at all and go back to the man i used to be ? As weak as i am... I am saying this. It is making me feel so fake... I feel that my life is a fake... What i am doing is a fake... How can i be holy ? What i do and what i say is 2 totally different things... My goals... To be like Jesus... Even God is the form of flesh can be so holy... That is what i can be like as well... Jesus is limited by flesh that is what i am limited as well... So why can't i be like him ? Yes he knows our limits... That's what makes God all knowing... I can never become like Jesus as i have sin and was borned with sin... That is the difference... But still i won't stop trying... To be God's favourate child... To be able to look at Him and talk to Him... So that my face will shine with His glory... That is my goal... The people did not go up to the mountain to see God for they have sinned and feared death. For only people without sin can see God and live... Indeed i would think that God would have let them live if only they had a courage to seek forgiveness when they seen Him. If we fear his wrath why not applease Him by asking of his forgiveness ? If only man did not eat the fruit of good and evil... We wouldn't have to suffer the life of sin... A great chain that has been around our necks since birth... Oh well... Back to work... BB..

2007-12-11T11:19:00.000+08:00

Ahhh.... A brand new day with a brand new morning.... God allowed me to open my eyes once again... LOL... I am grateful for that but somehow i wish he'll let me sleep for 3 weeks than i don't need to go to work and than go back to school. LOL...

Anyway since my work place is so close to church i guess it's only logical that God wants me to go to Adam again.... Man.... It's so fun to be in theolo... To visit God's house each and everyday to wake up and see God's face... To be basking in the glory of God.... Till our faces shine with the light of God... The tiredness is only physical.... But the strength comes from within... Within the hearts of man... The soul is happy...

Before i slept yesterday, i was disturbed but some news from my cousin... Man... It's sad to hear the church in other parts of the world has come to this... I'm thankful God preserved Singapore... But i fear that would change from what i am hearing... I don't want to change this system.... God is always the same so how can his laws change ? Would we like to see our children turn corrupted with the laws of God ? Would you like to see our people change to be like the world ? It felt sad for me to hear of such things... My cousin says why can't all man be like me... I feel so ashame... Why can't all men be like Jesus... That way there will not be sin...

Woke up feeling fresh and happy... I had a dream.... I was fighting my sins... And i won with the help of God... What he taught me.. Indeed it was a happy dream... My desires to turn back after having that conversation last night was disturbing... The devils really don't know when to give up... Be watchful always... Now i know the meaning.... It's not to be alert like 80%... It's to be alert 100% for the devil is always at a corner looking at you... Waiting for a chance of weakeness to grab you and devour you....

I realised that when i pray i really command God what to do... It's like God give me strength and courage... Blah blah blah... The list goes on forever.... It's not like, God if it is your will... Please make me your good servant... Give me such a attribute to be worthy to serve you... For Lord i am weak and you are mighty... If it allows you to fulfill your work, bestow your blessings to your unworthy servant... No it's all this and that.. God do this God do that... Are we trying to be God instead of serving God ? God is merciful... But do not take advantage of his grace... We should humble ourselves and instead be more ashame of what we have done against him....

I had my morning prayer and i suddenly just had this thought... Imagin... Trees... Just a few of them.... On a plain field... Some a green and growing beautifully while some are withering and dying.... The sun ray is beating down giving food... But Clouds are gathering on the dying tree... Shading the sun's ray away from the tree....Because of that the sun made thicker rays to try and shine through the cloud but the tree blocked the wind from blowing the clouds away... Only a few branches reached out to seek the sun's ray but was unable to withstand too much of the bright light.... The suddenly the white clouds gather and drew dark.... Lightening flashed out of the clouds and burnt the branches reaching out of the clouds making them fall one by one.... The tree was sad and dying... But it wishes for the sun.... So it decided to let the water out of the roots with the hear from the sun rays and turn to vapour which entered into the clouds... The clouds grew thicker and heavier and was unable to do anything... So it showered and watered the dusty leaf... Wiping aways all the dirt and making the tree clean before it disappears... The sun rays beat against the tree and it was once again health... This is how the story end in this world... But be careful for the clouds will once again gather around the tree and kill it if it ever gets the chance to find a speck of dust on it's leaf..

So it's not a real story but it's true that in our life... We should always seek God.. Being too proud because someone says you are holy may have already caused one to fall... Being too weak would enable the hungry wolf to eat you right away... Thus stay alert and all time... Pray to God to keep our souls safe... God bless...

2007-12-10T15:02:00.001+08:00

I went to church today... Isn't that a surprise ? LOL... Actually i went there to help my mom with her cooking duty... Since i managed to wake up due to some calls made by my work place... I decided to wake up and go to church...

Woahhh.... I forgotten how hot food can be if cooked in a big pile... Man it was so hot.... Yeah i went to wash my face after that cause i was sweating like crazy just doing some small stuff... I wonder how much hard work those ladies have been doing to provide food to the young and ungrateful children... LOL...

Went out to wash my face.. Right... Don't get out of point... Yeah so there it was KJ came without me knowing until her piercing voice like those swords clashing... Woah... Woke me out of my sleepy mode... LOL... She was like "Why are you here today ?" I was like... "Can't i come here"... I was soo lazy to tell her the full detail so i just gave the fastest reply... LOL... THat's bad... I gotta stop doing that already.. And SS came by and gave that smile.... LOL... So funny... Just seeing them makes people smile.. LOL.... Well at least i'm one of the people... HAHAHA... I seem to be talking to them more than talking to my sis la... Super anti-social... She gotta wake up from dreaming already... So must i...LOL...OH well.. Moving on i went to the library to slack but instead of cooling down from the heat of the rice and slacking or maybe sleeping... i stumbled upon a mana time... LOL... So i opened it and read it... Looks interesting...

Reading the mana times... IT's like a whole new thing... I never read such articles before... It like a refreshing thing for me... THe bible is wonderful but to hear things like that sort of melt my heart as i read from story to story... Each person has a story to tell but what kind of story do we have about God ? And do we dare to say it out ? New insights were given to me like... Man... Can't i be like that... That's a sign of holiness... IF only this little pieces of holiness can be gathered by me... MAn... God will love me like crazy... Not like he don't but at least i will feel a little bit more worthy of getting his love...

Cos from what i see, ever since i realised i got the HS... IT's like i realised i got more sinful... How am i changing ? Will i still be with God when i'm 30 ? Will i follow the world ? Corruption has taken place and it's not part of God's plans... I want to change but how can i change ? Thank God for Nah... He gave me good childhood friends... And i am thankful for that... Having this chat with him lessen my built up burden i had for months...

Yeah so much has gone by... And after reading the mana times.. I heard the choir sing... LOL... It's so tempting that i wanted to join in as well... So i joined in after finishing the article i was reading.... It's so fun but time consuming... Time passed by so quickly... I was soon to make a decision to be torn apart from singing and going back to work again... Oh well... Anyway... Thanks to God i was able to reach my work place on time... Oh well.. I feel so much like slacking now... Too bad i gotta work.. Right... Back to my work time... Byez...